Go to the party, and ignore her. Flirt with other girls the entire time. If you do talk to this girl, go up to her, be super friendly, give her a hug. and stay for five minutes max. Then get “distracted” and start talking to other women again.

Your paralysis has really set in having gone an entire year as an orbiter with this girl. It’s going to be really really difficult to get past your inhibition on this.

After the party, you’ll keep this up. Do not call her or take any kind of initiative with her. Let her do ALL the initiative-taking.

You also need to start talking to other women and dating them. You need to go out on at least one date with another girl if you are going to get your strength up enough to act right around the girl you like.

Eric

Im going through a situation right now and I need you to save my life on this one and I’ll do as you say. This is probably one of biggest sticky points “how to handle her bad behavior” I’ve been seeing this woman for over a year now.. I’ve never escalated hard on her or had sex with her. I acknowledge I’ve been an orbiter to her with the exception that I would not do any favors for her I.e driver her, pay for her, etc.,

2 months ago I was a party my back was facing the entrance and she walks by right next to me pretending not to see me, later I see her flirting hard and holding hands with this guy. I decided to leave after that.

The Next week She sends me a flirtatious text and for the first time ever I don’t reply, a week after she calls me and for the first time ever I do not answer or call her back. We have been NC for 2 months after talking on the phone & seeing eachother every week.
We have a friend in common who loves me to death she will be having a party and invited me via e-mail cc this girl. She replied right away saying she will be going.

What should I do? I don’t wanna show up and just be cool with this girl, I honestly want to “punish her” and keep ignoring her. Over the last year we had a great time together deep connection, I honestly got to consider her the “one” but after what she did I want HER now to prove to me she is worth and how far can she go to “get me back”. I’m the prize now.

Should I go to that party why or why not?

Thank you Eric. Sincerely,

-Amor

> I would probably banter it off instead and say something like “Man, you are on thin ice. Next time you get a spanking.”

I guess I’ll have to learn to banter properly. Bantering while a bit hurt is hard, because a I mentioned, my eyes give me away dead, and I become even more self-conscious as I notice it.

Cutting her out is much easier to do, but it’s gotta be pretty serious before I put on the stern face, bid her adieu, and calmly walk out. I can’t do the anger thing.

One thing… I would be interested to see your take on how you decide she is really being disrespectful, or if it is you acting on fear or insecurity. (A difficult issue sometimes because it requires awareness and honesty with yourself.)

Thank you,
Wim

It all stems from self-respect, not tolerating bullshit from people full stop. The problem with that is balance, knowing what to let slide and what to put your foot down with.

The balance, you got spot on. Good work.

Is there some “style” that works best without causing awkwardness?

You actually want to cause a bit of awkwardness. If she fucked up, you want to make her feel a bit uncomfortable. Part of being a confident guy is that you are willing to create tension when it suits you. If you can’t stand the awkwardness that is a sign that you aren’t willing to stand up for yourself.

If she apologizes immediately “oh shit, I just forgot” do you say “hey no problem” and assume she intends to improve?

It depends. If something like this rarely happens, then yes, I would accept the apology. But if something like this happens a lot, I would actually communicate in some way to her that it’s not okay and pull away from her for a while (or forever) so she realizes my intent.

“Hey, what happened to our dinner plans yesterday?”
“Dinner plans?”
“Yeah, remember… birthday?”
“Oh shit, sorry! I totally forgot because work … ”
“No problem” / “Okay, but please don’t do it again?” / ??

Again, if this were a one-time incident I would probably let it slide. The way you brought it up was fine. If I were letting it slide I probably wouldn’t say “No problem.” I would probably banter it off instead and say something like “Man, you are on thin ice. Next time you get a spanking.” If I really were angry then I wouldn’t banter with her. Joking with her is a sign that things are okay.

How does one approach / finish the interaction with dignity?

The way you started off above is fine. Make her feel a bit awkward. Unless you truly don’t care (and I do have very casual friends where I wouldn’t care–but we’re not super close) then I would make her feel a bit awkward.

Eric