first question: if i´m right and she just asked me because she´s not sure about me and she just wants to protect herself. how can i make it clear to here that she did wrong and she wants that relationship!

second: i want to be a good friend but at the moment i´m not able to! so i will block here now for the next half year maybe more! what should i do if SHE calls me? and how should i act if we´re on any sozial event together?

i really don´t know what to do know!

Go to the party, and ignore her. Flirt with other girls the entire time. If you do talk to this girl, go up to her, be super friendly, give her a hug. and stay for five minutes max. Then get “distracted” and start talking to other women again.

Your paralysis has really set in having gone an entire year as an orbiter with this girl. It’s going to be really really difficult to get past your inhibition on this.

After the party, you’ll keep this up. Do not call her or take any kind of initiative with her. Let her do ALL the initiative-taking.

You also need to start talking to other women and dating them. You need to go out on at least one date with another girl if you are going to get your strength up enough to act right around the girl you like.

Eric

Im going through a situation right now and I need you to save my life on this one and I’ll do as you say. This is probably one of biggest sticky points “how to handle her bad behavior” I’ve been seeing this woman for over a year now.. I’ve never escalated hard on her or had sex with her. I acknowledge I’ve been an orbiter to her with the exception that I would not do any favors for her I.e driver her, pay for her, etc.,

2 months ago I was a party my back was facing the entrance and she walks by right next to me pretending not to see me, later I see her flirting hard and holding hands with this guy. I decided to leave after that.

The Next week She sends me a flirtatious text and for the first time ever I don’t reply, a week after she calls me and for the first time ever I do not answer or call her back. We have been NC for 2 months after talking on the phone & seeing eachother every week.
We have a friend in common who loves me to death she will be having a party and invited me via e-mail cc this girl. She replied right away saying she will be going.

What should I do? I don’t wanna show up and just be cool with this girl, I honestly want to “punish her” and keep ignoring her. Over the last year we had a great time together deep connection, I honestly got to consider her the “one” but after what she did I want HER now to prove to me she is worth and how far can she go to “get me back”. I’m the prize now.

Should I go to that party why or why not?

Thank you Eric. Sincerely,

-Amor

> I would probably banter it off instead and say something like “Man, you are on thin ice. Next time you get a spanking.”

I guess I’ll have to learn to banter properly. Bantering while a bit hurt is hard, because a I mentioned, my eyes give me away dead, and I become even more self-conscious as I notice it.

Cutting her out is much easier to do, but it’s gotta be pretty serious before I put on the stern face, bid her adieu, and calmly walk out. I can’t do the anger thing.

One thing… I would be interested to see your take on how you decide she is really being disrespectful, or if it is you acting on fear or insecurity. (A difficult issue sometimes because it requires awareness and honesty with yourself.)

Thank you,
Wim

It all stems from self-respect, not tolerating bullshit from people full stop. The problem with that is balance, knowing what to let slide and what to put your foot down with.

The balance, you got spot on. Good work.