> I would probably banter it off instead and say something like “Man, you are on thin ice. Next time you get a spanking.”

I guess I’ll have to learn to banter properly. Bantering while a bit hurt is hard, because a I mentioned, my eyes give me away dead, and I become even more self-conscious as I notice it.

Cutting her out is much easier to do, but it’s gotta be pretty serious before I put on the stern face, bid her adieu, and calmly walk out. I can’t do the anger thing.

One thing… I would be interested to see your take on how you decide she is really being disrespectful, or if it is you acting on fear or insecurity. (A difficult issue sometimes because it requires awareness and honesty with yourself.)

Thank you,
Wim

It all stems from self-respect, not tolerating bullshit from people full stop. The problem with that is balance, knowing what to let slide and what to put your foot down with.

The balance, you got spot on. Good work.

Is there some “style” that works best without causing awkwardness?

You actually want to cause a bit of awkwardness. If she fucked up, you want to make her feel a bit uncomfortable. Part of being a confident guy is that you are willing to create tension when it suits you. If you can’t stand the awkwardness that is a sign that you aren’t willing to stand up for yourself.

If she apologizes immediately “oh shit, I just forgot” do you say “hey no problem” and assume she intends to improve?

It depends. If something like this rarely happens, then yes, I would accept the apology. But if something like this happens a lot, I would actually communicate in some way to her that it’s not okay and pull away from her for a while (or forever) so she realizes my intent.

“Hey, what happened to our dinner plans yesterday?”
“Dinner plans?”
“Yeah, remember… birthday?”
“Oh shit, sorry! I totally forgot because work … ”
“No problem” / “Okay, but please don’t do it again?” / ??

Again, if this were a one-time incident I would probably let it slide. The way you brought it up was fine. If I were letting it slide I probably wouldn’t say “No problem.” I would probably banter it off instead and say something like “Man, you are on thin ice. Next time you get a spanking.” If I really were angry then I wouldn’t banter with her. Joking with her is a sign that things are okay.

How does one approach / finish the interaction with dignity?

The way you started off above is fine. Make her feel a bit awkward. Unless you truly don’t care (and I do have very casual friends where I wouldn’t care–but we’re not super close) then I would make her feel a bit awkward.

Eric

I’ve had a bit of trouble with this myself. I once kinda-sorta started dating a friend of mine. We’d recently become pretty close, and it evolved from there. Anyway, she told me on a Monday that she’d take me (and a mutual friend who shares the same birthday) out on Thursday to celebrate. Well the day came and went without any mention of it.

Similar omissions had happened before, but I knew she was just sometimes not on top of things. It still hurt, but I didn’t confront her about it until later.

My problem is that I always feel awkward confronting people about things. Especially things that hurt me. Even if I want to, the interaction is always super awkward, which further dissuades me from doing it in the future.

Some guys do it coolly. They neither need to smile to hide the pain nor frown and show it outright. Or maybe they do say it in a banter-y way, which I’ve tried and failed to do. I think my eyes give it away.

Is there some “style” that works best without causing awkwardness? If she apologizes immediately “oh shit, I just forgot” do you say “hey no problem” and assume she intends to improve?

“Hey, what happened to our dinner plans yesterday?”
“Dinner plans?”
“Yeah, remember… birthday?”
“Oh shit, sorry! I totally forgot because work … ”
“No problem” / “Okay, but please don’t do it again?” / ??

How does one approach / finish the interaction with dignity?

The focus is on what the man thinks and does in stead of what the women think/do.

Your last ‘advice’ is basicly the foundation of any love life. If you don’t truly believe you’ll do just fine without her in your life, your neediness will seep into the interaction and she’ll have total control.

In my last relationship, my girlfriend would insult me occasionally, in a way that was joking but also seriously cut at my insecurities. How I reacted had a big effect on the relationship. Honestly, I didn’t know how to handle it. I couldn’t be as cool or alpha as I wanted.

I’d get mad, and then she accused me of having no sense of humor. It was a mess. That’s why it’s important to have rules like the ones you mentioned.

Good seeing ya today, in the Square. And thanks for sharing your rules on how you deal with crap from girls. I am definitely using them in the future.