How to Handle Her Bad Behavior

by Eric Disco
Jun 19

One of the most important aspects to becoming great with women is learning how to deal with bad behavior.

Some people call these “tests,” where a woman will purposefully test you to see if you are as confident as you first came across.

However, in any relationship, there will be points when the other person does something you don’t like.

Maybe she disrespects you. Or hurts you. Or angers you.

The way you react in these situations will determine the future nature of your relationship with that person.

Years ago I had a friend who was in a relationship. He cared about her, but she would nag him. Incessantly.

“Joe, don’t sit like that!” “Joe why do you say things like that!” “Joe don’t eat so many cupcakes!”

It was abysmal to be around the two of them because of how she nagged him.

She was insane. Beyond just the nagging.

But I blame him for the nagging. 100%. It was he who allowed this into his life.

It was his responsibility entirely to cut off something like this from the very first instant.

So how do you handle unacceptable behavior from women? Maybe she insulted you. Or ignored you. Or slept with your best friend.

Can you really change a woman’s behavior?

You cannot completely control her behavior–and you wouldn’t want to.

She is a separate human being who has decided on her own free will to be with you. You turning into an over-bearing control freak would destroy that.

But there are certain things in your life that are acceptable and unacceptable. And in this way, the answer is Yes. 100%.

You teach people how to treat you. And here’s how.

Ignore It

This is the most basic and effective way to handle minor bullshit. This is your baseline.

When you first meet a woman, she will throw some things at you. Maybe she says something like “I don’t like that shirt.”

Yes, you could come up with something witty to say back. But you really don’t need to. In fact, that can be counter-productive.

When you are the coolest guy ever, you simply don’t allow things like this into your reality. It simply doesn’t register with you.

It’s as if she said something weird and inappropriate and you’re not going to justify it with a response.

Sort of like the way you would handle a toddler if she said that to you.

You may smirk for a moment and think it’s cute, but you really wouldn’t dwell on it.

I sometimes have women neg me. One woman recently said to me “I like the way you stand, all confident, with your belly hanging out.”

I laughed it off. I am far too confident to let that upset me.

The cool guy is not easily upset and is slow to anger.

Banter Back

Believe it or not, a witty retort is often less effective than ignoring it.

If you do want to banter, the idea, again, is that she’s a child saying something cute.

You can start off with “That’s so cute…” and then misinterpret whatever she said to mean that she is trying to hit on you.

She says she doesn’t like your shirt. You say “That’s so cute, you’re trying to get me to take my shirt off! I’m not that easy!”

If she says “We’re not having sex tonight,” you could respond with “That’s so cute, you’re thinking about sex already.”

Again though, simply ignoring it is the best way to handle minor retardations that spew from her mouth.

If it is only occasionally that something like this happens, to respond with your own barb can come across as petty, as if it did hurt you.

Instead, laugh it off or change the subject and move on.

Communicate/Call It Out/Express Anger.

Sometimes the infraction is more severe, or repeated and it needs to be dealt with.

Example: She repeatedly insults you or keeps going back to the same insult.

Call it out. “Wow, you really have no couth in expressing yourself.”

Example: She throws a temper tantrum or is whiny or crabby.

Call it out. “Why are you being so crabby today?”

Note: There are certainly situations when a woman is truly upset. If there is a real situation there, then by all means connect with her. Otherwise call her out on her bullshit.

Example: She said she would call you later and doesn’t.

Communicate with her. “You said you would call later and you didn’t. I think that’s kinda lame.”

Example: She slept with your best friend.

You can, and should express anger. As the king of your domain, you are slow to anger. But you certainly should express anger in the appropriate situation.

In this situation, you should freak the fuck out on her (non-violently of course). She deserves it.

If you don’t express your anger now, you will regret it later.

Communication is a tool that works sometimes.

But it is also meaningless without the ability to take the most important action of all: walk away from her.

You want to be able to communicate with her before withdrawing so she knows that her actions have or will precipitate your withdrawal. This makes withdrawal much more effective.

Pull Away/Walk the Fuck Away.

First and foremost, you always have the option of pulling away from her.
Standing up and walking away from the interaction is always on the table.

This is by far the most important tool in your arsenal and the basis for which all others depend. If you can’t walk away from her, you become subservient in the relationship.

If you can’t pull away in the right measure and effectively, you have no choice but to take bullshit.

This option can and should be exercised at any time from first meeting her to your fifth date to your fifth year with her.

Your presence is a gift to her. If her behavior is egregious enough, you simply take yourself away.

Example: You’re on a date with her and she keeps texting her friends.

Call it out first. “What’s with all the texting? You’re boring me.”

And if she still isn’t responding to your liking, tell her you are going home for the evening.

Pulling away is ultimately the main tool you have for getting respect.

It is the most difficult thing to master, but once you do, you find there is 99% less drama in your life.

And when that 1% crops up, you know how to handle it.

In this way, you are acting like you have a lot of options, whether you do or not.

Ultimately, the most dominant person, the ultimate decision-maker in the relationship is the one who defines the relationship.

And the trump card in defining any relationship is the ability to walk away.

Example: A year ago I started seeing a woman. We had just become exclusive/monogamous. I called her one night and she didn’t return my call.

The next morning she called me back and told me that she had gotten really drunk and made out with another guy.

Bad behavior. Not quite bad enough to completely end things, but bad enough that there needed some action.

So I met with her and told her I wouldn’t be exclusive with her anymore. I took it away from her.

There was a marked change in her behavior toward me after that. It changed the entire dynamic of the relationship to one of respect.

This is not game playing. Game playing is if you do something just to see how she’ll react.

If you truly are ready to walk away, it’s serious. You are communicating to her what you allow and what you don’t allow in your life.

And if she truly does the unacceptable beyond repair, you must have the balls to completely walk away.

Delete her out of your life. Nuke her from orbit. Remove her number from your phone. Unfriend her from facebook.

But you must be absolutely sure that you will not come crawling back to her or you’ve doubled the problem.

This is where the true alpha shows his cards. He can walk away.

And even guys who are not so great with women can fake it till they make by not allowing any drama in their lives.

You should also be able to demonstrate the ability to walk away in smaller increments so that it doesn’t need to be demonstrated in larger ways.

If she doesn’t return one of your calls or texts, you don’t want to flip out and never speak to her again.

You can’t constantly cut meaningful people out of your life, particularly for smaller issues.

Communicate the problem if it’s appropriate and pull away for a day or two and not take initiative.

Cancel a date with her.

In this way, you can communicate to her in smaller increments what is acceptable to you and what isn’t.

In the end, your ability to live a healthy life is dependent on your ability to leave a bad relationship, whether it’s a five minute relationship, a five week relationship, or a five year relationship.

Your capacity to deal with the pain and walk away will ultimately define your happiness in the relationships you choose.

Once you start to have zero tolerance for drama and bullshit in any of your relationships, you suddenly start to get a lot less in all your relationships.

Without even having to take measures, women will sense this around you and won’t t give you much bullshit.

-----------------

posted in Relationships

COMMENTS
20 responses
Docter says:

I’m curious as to your opinion on this in a social circle.

You state:
And if she truly does the unacceptable beyond repair, you must have the balls to completely walk away.

Delete her out of your life. Nuke her from orbit. Remove her number from your phone. Unfriend her from facebook.

What if shes good friends with a lot of people you hang out with? Theres absolutely no way to completely avoid a person in this situation. How do you interact with her when you do end up in a situation with her?

Eric Disco says:

What if shes good friends with a lot of people you hang out with? Theres absolutely no way to completely avoid a person in this situation. How do you interact with her when you do end up in a situation with her?

I create my own social circles. I decide who to hang out with based on how they treat me.

If someone is disrespecting me, I do not tolerate their presence. No exceptions.

I have a close friend. She has a close friend who would be disrespectful to me. I ended my friendship with her over it.

I am now friends with her again but it was because she apologized and promised not to bring that friend around me ever again.

I guess this also depends on what the girl did. Can you elaborate more?

If the girl did something that would mean that I just don’t date her anymore, and I could tolerate her as a friend, then fine. I would see her in social circles.

But if she were disrespecting me as a person, I would not tolerate her presence.

Eric

H3x says:

Hey Eric,

I have a question that I hope is related. My girlfriend is unmotivated to go out of the house on her own and find hobbies/things to do, outside of our life together. I offer her advice on what to do and try to motivate her to go, she thanks me and tells me she is going to do something at a specific time, then doesn’t do anything.

I am at a loss as to what to do now, do I just stop giving advice/helping and leave her be, even though it is kinda affecting me that she doesn’t have a life outside of ours together, or is there a better way to approach this? Thanks alot man!

[...] How to Handle Her Bad Behavior – How to handle shit tests from Eric Disco Grow Your Game: [...]

Eric Disco says:

My girlfriend is unmotivated to go out of the house on her own and find hobbies/things to do, outside of our life together. I offer her advice on what to do and try to motivate her to go, she thanks me and tells me she is going to do something at a specific time, then doesn’t do anything.

How important is it to you that she be more motivated? If you knew that she would never change, would you end things with her?

The fact that she says she will do things and doesn’t is alone a pretty big problem to me.

Since you’ve already spoken to her about this, my suggestion would be to pull away from her slowly while making it absolutely clear why you are doing so–that is, if you are willing to leave her over this.

If you are not willing to pull away over this, then I wouldn’t do anything. Trying to motivate someone who doesn’t want to be motivated is next to impossible. Unless there is a reason for her to do it, she won’t.

The pulling away can take the form of less supportive contact, less physical intimacy, doing things without her, etc.

Look at it this way, if she knows this is ruining the relationship and does nothing to change, she is disrespecting you.

Trying to motivate a friend is a difficult task. But if they understand–by physical demonstration–that it is affecting the relationship, the burden to take action and preserve the relationship is shifted from you to them.

Eric

Karma says:

Wow…priceless !

Ben says:

This is really intense, Eric. But the advice is invaluable.

In my last relationship, my girlfriend would insult me occasionally, in a way that was joking but also seriously cut at my insecurities. How I reacted had a big effect on the relationship. Honestly, I didn’t know how to handle it. I couldn’t be as cool or alpha as I wanted.

I’d get mad, and then she accused me of having no sense of humor. It was a mess. That’s why it’s important to have rules like the ones you mentioned.

Good seeing ya today, in the Square. And thanks for sharing your rules on how you deal with crap from girls. I am definitely using them in the future.

Me says:

One of the better posts in a while.

The focus is on what the man thinks and does in stead of what the women think/do.

Your last ‘advice’ is basicly the foundation of any love life. If you don’t truly believe you’ll do just fine without her in your life, your neediness will seep into the interaction and she’ll have total control.

Flyboy says:

Excellent post, Eric!

I’ve had a bit of trouble with this myself. I once kinda-sorta started dating a friend of mine. We’d recently become pretty close, and it evolved from there. Anyway, she told me on a Monday that she’d take me (and a mutual friend who shares the same birthday) out on Thursday to celebrate. Well the day came and went without any mention of it.

Similar omissions had happened before, but I knew she was just sometimes not on top of things. It still hurt, but I didn’t confront her about it until later.

My problem is that I always feel awkward confronting people about things. Especially things that hurt me. Even if I want to, the interaction is always super awkward, which further dissuades me from doing it in the future.

Some guys do it coolly. They neither need to smile to hide the pain nor frown and show it outright. Or maybe they do say it in a banter-y way, which I’ve tried and failed to do. I think my eyes give it away.

Is there some “style” that works best without causing awkwardness? If she apologizes immediately “oh shit, I just forgot” do you say “hey no problem” and assume she intends to improve?

“Hey, what happened to our dinner plans yesterday?”
“Dinner plans?”
“Yeah, remember… birthday?”
“Oh shit, sorry! I totally forgot because work … ”
“No problem” / “Okay, but please don’t do it again?” / ??

How does one approach / finish the interaction with dignity?

Eric Disco says:

Is there some “style” that works best without causing awkwardness?

You actually want to cause a bit of awkwardness. If she fucked up, you want to make her feel a bit uncomfortable. Part of being a confident guy is that you are willing to create tension when it suits you. If you can’t stand the awkwardness that is a sign that you aren’t willing to stand up for yourself.

If she apologizes immediately “oh shit, I just forgot” do you say “hey no problem” and assume she intends to improve?

It depends. If something like this rarely happens, then yes, I would accept the apology. But if something like this happens a lot, I would actually communicate in some way to her that it’s not okay and pull away from her for a while (or forever) so she realizes my intent.

“Hey, what happened to our dinner plans yesterday?”
“Dinner plans?”
“Yeah, remember… birthday?”
“Oh shit, sorry! I totally forgot because work … ”
“No problem” / “Okay, but please don’t do it again?” / ??

Again, if this were a one-time incident I would probably let it slide. The way you brought it up was fine. If I were letting it slide I probably wouldn’t say “No problem.” I would probably banter it off instead and say something like “Man, you are on thin ice. Next time you get a spanking.” If I really were angry then I wouldn’t banter with her. Joking with her is a sign that things are okay.

How does one approach / finish the interaction with dignity?

The way you started off above is fine. Make her feel a bit awkward. Unless you truly don’t care (and I do have very casual friends where I wouldn’t care–but we’re not super close) then I would make her feel a bit awkward.

Eric

H3x says:

Thank you for the advice Eric. You’ve given me some great ideas and I will take what you have said into consideration. I can’t emphasize enough how much your writings have inspired me.

Ty says:

Spot on mate. Too many posts like this deal with the symptoms, how to keep her sweet.

It all stems from self-respect, not tolerating bullshit from people full stop. The problem with that is balance, knowing what to let slide and what to put your foot down with.

The balance, you got spot on. Good work.

Wim says:

Eric, I think this is the best article you’ve written on this site yet. Very good, very clear information,.

One thing… I would be interested to see your take on how you decide she is really being disrespectful, or if it is you acting on fear or insecurity. (A difficult issue sometimes because it requires awareness and honesty with yourself.)

Thank you,
Wim

Flyboy says:

Cool, thanks Eric!

> I would probably banter it off instead and say something like “Man, you are on thin ice. Next time you get a spanking.”

I guess I’ll have to learn to banter properly. Bantering while a bit hurt is hard, because a I mentioned, my eyes give me away dead, and I become even more self-conscious as I notice it.

Cutting her out is much easier to do, but it’s gotta be pretty serious before I put on the stern face, bid her adieu, and calmly walk out. I can’t do the anger thing.

Thanks very much for this great blog;this is the kind of thing that keeps me going through out my day. I have been looking around for this site after I heard about it from a friendand was gladwhen I found it after searching it on bingfor long time. Being a avid blogger, I’m blessed to see others taking initivative and contributing to the community. I would like to comment to show my approval for your article as it is very interesting, and many bloggers do not get the informationthey deserve. I am sure I’ll be back and will spread the word to all my friends.

Amor says:

Eric,

Im going through a situation right now and I need you to save my life on this one and I’ll do as you say. This is probably one of biggest sticky points “how to handle her bad behavior” I’ve been seeing this woman for over a year now.. I’ve never escalated hard on her or had sex with her. I acknowledge I’ve been an orbiter to her with the exception that I would not do any favors for her I.e driver her, pay for her, etc.,

2 months ago I was a party my back was facing the entrance and she walks by right next to me pretending not to see me, later I see her flirting hard and holding hands with this guy. I decided to leave after that.

The Next week She sends me a flirtatious text and for the first time ever I don’t reply, a week after she calls me and for the first time ever I do not answer or call her back. We have been NC for 2 months after talking on the phone & seeing eachother every week.
We have a friend in common who loves me to death she will be having a party and invited me via e-mail cc this girl. She replied right away saying she will be going.

What should I do? I don’t wanna show up and just be cool with this girl, I honestly want to “punish her” and keep ignoring her. Over the last year we had a great time together deep connection, I honestly got to consider her the “one” but after what she did I want HER now to prove to me she is worth and how far can she go to “get me back”. I’m the prize now.

Should I go to that party why or why not?

Thank you Eric. Sincerely,

-Amor

Eric Disco says:

Hi Amor,

Go to the party, and ignore her. Flirt with other girls the entire time. If you do talk to this girl, go up to her, be super friendly, give her a hug. and stay for five minutes max. Then get “distracted” and start talking to other women again.

Your paralysis has really set in having gone an entire year as an orbiter with this girl. It’s going to be really really difficult to get past your inhibition on this.

After the party, you’ll keep this up. Do not call her or take any kind of initiative with her. Let her do ALL the initiative-taking.

You also need to start talking to other women and dating them. You need to go out on at least one date with another girl if you are going to get your strength up enough to act right around the girl you like.

Eric

phillip says:

i had a romance for 4 months. normally i would call it “friends with benefits” if there weren´t feelings. she also had feelings i´m sure about that. she always said she doesn´t want a relationship. i couldn´t understand because everthing went perfekt the first 2 months. then she startet to dissociate in step-by-step. i don´t think she doesn´t like me any more i think she´s just blocking here feelings cause of fear.
a few days ago we went to a party, after some time she asked me “can we pls just be good friends”

first question: if i´m right and she just asked me because she´s not sure about me and she just wants to protect herself. how can i make it clear to here that she did wrong and she wants that relationship!

second: i want to be a good friend but at the moment i´m not able to! so i will block here now for the next half year maybe more! what should i do if SHE calls me? and how should i act if we´re on any sozial event together?

i really don´t know what to do know!

RobSFBayArea says:

Oh yeah, I’ve walked awaqy from some beautiful dames…what they need to understand is that an Alpha Male dominates when he walks into a place. A few of these pretty girls have noticed the dynamic and when they start with the BS, I lay the law down.

I’ve walked away from some lookers….but what they don’t understand is that outside of their sanitized perfect bubble, there are other women who are real and willing to treat a good man with respect.

The best way to teach them is to give them a heaping spoon of consequences.

Do it deliberately but smoothly.

Good hunting gentlemen.

LEAVE A COMMENT