One of the most important aspects to becoming great with women is learning how to deal with bad behavior.
Some people call these “tests,” where a woman will purposefully test you to see if you are as confident as you first came across.
However, in any relationship, there will be points when the other person does something you don’t like.
Maybe she disrespects you. Or hurts you. Or angers you.
The way you react in these situations will determine the future nature of your relationship with that person.
Years ago I had a friend who was in a relationship. He cared about her, but she would nag him. Incessantly.
“Joe, don’t sit like that!” “Joe why do you say things like that!” “Joe don’t eat so many cupcakes!”
It was abysmal to be around the two of them because of how she nagged him.
She was insane. Beyond just the nagging.
But I blame him for the nagging. 100%. It was he who allowed this into his life.
It was his responsibility entirely to cut off something like this from the very first instant.
So how do you handle unacceptable behavior from women? Maybe she insulted you. Or ignored you. Or slept with your best friend.
Can you really change a woman’s behavior?
You cannot completely control her behavior–and you wouldn’t want to.
She is a separate human being who has decided on her own free will to be with you. You turning into an over-bearing control freak would destroy that.
But there are certain things in your life that are acceptable and unacceptable. And in this way, the answer is Yes. 100%.
You teach people how to treat you. And here’s how.
This is the most basic and effective way to handle minor bullshit. This is your baseline.
When you first meet a woman, she will throw some things at you. Maybe she says something like “I don’t like that shirt.”
Yes, you could come up with something witty to say back. But you really don’t need to. In fact, that can be counter-productive.
When you are the coolest guy ever, you simply don’t allow things like this into your reality. It simply doesn’t register with you.
It’s as if she said something weird and inappropriate and you’re not going to justify it with a response.
Sort of like the way you would handle a toddler if she said that to you.
You may smirk for a moment and think it’s cute, but you really wouldn’t dwell on it.
I sometimes have women neg me. One woman recently said to me “I like the way you stand, all confident, with your belly hanging out.”
I laughed it off. I am far too confident to let that upset me.
The cool guy is not easily upset and is slow to anger.
Believe it or not, a witty retort is often less effective than ignoring it.
If you do want to banter, the idea, again, is that she’s a child saying something cute.
You can start off with “That’s so cute…” and then misinterpret whatever she said to mean that she is trying to hit on you.
She says she doesn’t like your shirt. You say “That’s so cute, you’re trying to get me to take my shirt off! I’m not that easy!”
If she says “We’re not having sex tonight,” you could respond with “That’s so cute, you’re thinking about sex already.”
Again though, simply ignoring it is the best way to handle minor retardations that spew from her mouth.
If it is only occasionally that something like this happens, to respond with your own barb can come across as petty, as if it did hurt you.
Instead, laugh it off or change the subject and move on.
Communicate/Call It Out/Express Anger.
Sometimes the infraction is more severe, or repeated and it needs to be dealt with.
Example: She repeatedly insults you or keeps going back to the same insult.
Call it out. “Wow, you really have no couth in expressing yourself.”
Example: She throws a temper tantrum or is whiny or crabby.
Call it out. “Why are you being so crabby today?”
Note: There are certainly situations when a woman is truly upset. If there is a real situation there, then by all means connect with her. Otherwise call her out on her bullshit.
Example: She said she would call you later and doesn’t.
Communicate with her. “You said you would call later and you didn’t. I think that’s kinda lame.”
Example: She slept with your best friend.
You can, and should express anger. As the king of your domain, you are slow to anger. But you certainly should express anger in the appropriate situation.
In this situation, you should freak the fuck out on her (non-violently of course). She deserves it.
If you don’t express your anger now, you will regret it later.
Communication is a tool that works sometimes.
But it is also meaningless without the ability to take the most important action of all: walk away from her.
You want to be able to communicate with her before withdrawing so she knows that her actions have or will precipitate your withdrawal. This makes withdrawal much more effective.
Pull Away/Walk the Fuck Away.
First and foremost, you always have the option of pulling away from her.
Standing up and walking away from the interaction is always on the table.
This is by far the most important tool in your arsenal and the basis for which all others depend. If you can’t walk away from her, you become subservient in the relationship.
If you can’t pull away in the right measure and effectively, you have no choice but to take bullshit.
This option can and should be exercised at any time from first meeting her to your fifth date to your fifth year with her.
Your presence is a gift to her. If her behavior is egregious enough, you simply take yourself away.
Example: You’re on a date with her and she keeps texting her friends.
Call it out first. “What’s with all the texting? You’re boring me.”
And if she still isn’t responding to your liking, tell her you are going home for the evening.
Pulling away is ultimately the main tool you have for getting respect.
It is the most difficult thing to master, but once you do, you find there is 99% less drama in your life.
And when that 1% crops up, you know how to handle it.
In this way, you are acting like you have a lot of options, whether you do or not.
Ultimately, the most dominant person, the ultimate decision-maker in the relationship is the one who defines the relationship.
And the trump card in defining any relationship is the ability to walk away.
Example: A year ago I started seeing a woman. We had just become exclusive/monogamous. I called her one night and she didn’t return my call.
The next morning she called me back and told me that she had gotten really drunk and made out with another guy.
Bad behavior. Not quite bad enough to completely end things, but bad enough that there needed some action.
So I met with her and told her I wouldn’t be exclusive with her anymore. I took it away from her.
There was a marked change in her behavior toward me after that. It changed the entire dynamic of the relationship to one of respect.
This is not game playing. Game playing is if you do something just to see how she’ll react.
If you truly are ready to walk away, it’s serious. You are communicating to her what you allow and what you don’t allow in your life.
And if she truly does the unacceptable beyond repair, you must have the balls to completely walk away.
Delete her out of your life. Nuke her from orbit. Remove her number from your phone. Unfriend her from facebook.
But you must be absolutely sure that you will not come crawling back to her or you’ve doubled the problem.
This is where the true alpha shows his cards. He can walk away.
And even guys who are not so great with women can fake it till they make by not allowing any drama in their lives.
You should also be able to demonstrate the ability to walk away in smaller increments so that it doesn’t need to be demonstrated in larger ways.
If she doesn’t return one of your calls or texts, you don’t want to flip out and never speak to her again.
You can’t constantly cut meaningful people out of your life, particularly for smaller issues.
Communicate the problem if it’s appropriate and pull away for a day or two and not take initiative.
Cancel a date with her.
In this way, you can communicate to her in smaller increments what is acceptable to you and what isn’t.
In the end, your ability to live a healthy life is dependent on your ability to leave a bad relationship, whether it’s a five minute relationship, a five week relationship, or a five year relationship.
Your capacity to deal with the pain and walk away will ultimately define your happiness in the relationships you choose.
Once you start to have zero tolerance for drama and bullshit in any of your relationships, you suddenly start to get a lot less in all your relationships.
Without even having to take measures, women will sense this around you and won’t t give you much bullshit.
posted in RelationshipsCOMMENTS