How to Be a Perfect 10-Regardless of Your Looks
by 
Eric Disco
I’m not the most handsome guy in the world.
There are plenty of things wrong with the way I look.
I have a big nose, small squinty eyes, a weak chin. My hair is thinning.
I’ve always had very poor posture. And a bit of a belly.
My skin is pasty white. Hold my arm up next to someone and I am almost always whiter.
I’m 36 years old and spent a decade and a half trying to meet women. And never has a woman come up to me.
I never got approached by women. Ever.
I’ve gotten interest in social circles, but it has always always been after women have gotten to know me.
My looks are nothing to write home about. But when I walk around, I feel like I’m gorgeous.
When I walk into a bar, I see myself as more attractive than any other guy in the bar. And I truly believe it.
I date gorgeous women. Some of them are models, actresses, dancers, etc.
And when I stand next to them and look in the mirror, I always wonder whether THEY are hot enough to date ME.
I am a perfect ten.
How is that possible?
My last girlfriend told me that, when we first started dating, her friends asked her if I’m hot.
She responded that, yes, I’m hot, but it’s more the total package, the way I act.
Behavior speaks louder than looks.
Confidence trumps everything–your physical attractiveness, how much money you make, even how smart you are.
But for most guys, they still cling to the idea that they aren’t handsome enough to get whatever woman they want.
They’re too short, fat, bald, poor or ugly to get the woman they want.
And I look at these guys and it frustrates me to no end. Because it really isn’t their looks that hold them back. They just think it is.
So if you FEEL unattractive and ugly, how do you get to feel attractive, to feel like a 10, like I do?
I haven’t always felt like a ten. In fact I used to be insecure about my looks. I used to be the guy who felt like I wasn’t good looking enough.
And no matter what I did, buy new clothes, got a new hairstyle, grew a beard–I was doomed to being ugly.
So what changed? How do you become that perfect 10?
Take Initiative
The first thing that changed is that I started to take initiative to meet women I didn’t know.
And I got rejected, a lot.
But as I started to tweak different things it became apparent to me that certain things worked and certain things didn’t.
It wasn’t so much my fat ugly head that was scaring women off, it was my body language, the way I moved, my voice tone and the things I decided to say.
Now after approaching more women than I can count, I never ever ever attribute rejection to my looks.
You start to see huge variations in the way women react to you based entirely on how you interact with them.
I have good days and bad days. And I still sometimes doubt myself.
I still have days when I wonder if I can actually change.
But I never ever doubt whether I’m physically attractive enough for this.
When you start to take action, and take it over and over again, you start to focus on where the struggle really is: your behavior.
Affirmations
Affirmations are probably one of the important things I’ve done to feel more attractive. I would say that it’s the crux of my inner game.
You can read more about affirmations here and here.
Affirmations are a way that you can adjust how you FEEL about yourself.
You can actually feel attractive without someone else being attracted to you or doing things that make you feel attractive.
Affirmations are not a cure-all for every issue you have with women.
But as much as thinking positively can help–and it can help a lot–affirmations will benefit you wildly.
It’s about what you do with what you have
Lastly, when it comes to looks and physicality, the idea is that you want to change what you have control over.
There are certain things you have no control over.
You may be short, bald, paraplegic, missing an arm, or have severe facial disfigurement.
I’ve coached guys with all of these issues.
But confidence is louder than looks
If it is something you have control over, like long nose hairs, then you need to take care of that.
I am meticulous about cleanliness. It’s very rare to find me unshaven. I’m like a gay man.
You can work out, improve your posture and most importantly: change your style.
Style is extremely important for women because it shows social intelligence.
What you wear is a reflection of who you are, how you think and how much you think of yourself.
How tall you are is not.
What it comes down to is that there are things in your life you can change.
And when you do enough work to change those, the things you can’t change start to fade to the background.
Posted in Attraction | 
6 Comments »
Eric, your posts truly resonate with me. I am so happy to have come accross this gold mine called Approachanxiety.com. I’ve been tuning in for the past week and even started listening to your podcasts. I just want you to know that your work is truly helping me. I’m what you would call an ideal student right now. I have the will and I’m willing to fight. I know I can kick ass out there. I’m working hard.
I have never understood people who are worried about clothes and how handsome they are. Worrying about looks has never been my problem, maybe it is because I am (at least what I perceive) quite nice looking and dress accordingly. I do feel attractive and friendly. It all boils down to the confidence thing. I cannot make my mind see myself as the best person in the room. Maybe it is modesty, maybe it is equality thing. I just want to blend in and go unnoticed.
This is all very true.
Btw, Eric, cheers for a great site. I was linked here by someone at a forum some 8 months ago and it’s been a mind opener. I’ve learned about a lot of things that one needs to be aware of, and just that has been very helpful.
I’ve not yet approached a total stranger, but I’m aiming for it, I’m currently taking baby steps towards that goal. I always chat with people in general and cute girls in particular, but only if I have some sort of excuse, so most of the girls I flirt with work at the mall near my work.
I’m good at talking to women, I just need some skills and a giant, swift kick in the ass to get going, haha.
I digress. One of the things that’s helped me the most is what this post is about, and other similar posts from the archive. It’s all about behaviour (and good hygiene, but shhh). So yeah, great work!
Cheers.
Absolutely true.
I’m a pretty good looking guy but my looks haven’t gotten me anywhere with women. Except for some initial interest.
It’s actually amazing how after showing interest they reverted to total indifference once they saw that I didn’t think of myself as high value guy.
But now after improving my posture and body language… the way I talk and especially think about myself… women notice me more and are interested for much longer.
Think of yourself as a total ten and the women will start doing the same.
Fantastic article Eric! I know you’re a big fan of affirmations, but what are your thoughts on self-hypnosis as compared to affirmations?
Great post, Eric. I think looks are a major ‘sticking point’ for a lot of guys.
I wanted to share my experience, from the other side of the coin. I’m one of those guys that most women consider good-looking. I do get approached by women; often they’ll just give me their numbers, completely unsolicited. It sounds great and, for a long time, it was. Then, I hit a rough patch.
I realized that my looks were depriving me of the one thing I was looking for: choice. Sure, I got numbers, dates, girlfriends, but I was completely inept when it came to approaching a girl I wanted. I kicked back, rested on my laurels, and dated girls I wasn’t really that into because it was easy.
Also, I noticed that the initial interaction sets the tone for the rest of the relationship, and being ‘the approached’ meant that she was constantly evaluating me. I found myself constantly having to live up to an image that was solely based on her ideas of ‘guys like me’. Jealousy became a huge problem, as she assumed that I was constantly being approached by girls just like her.
Paradoxically, its much harder to be ‘the approached’ than to simply bite the bullet and chat someone up. If you begin the interaction, you’ve expressed your interest. You’ve provided initial validation, which gives her permission to express interest in you. Reversing that paradigm all but guarantees that you’ll spend all your time convincing her that you really are interested. It’s exhausting.
The fact is that our society, for the most part, expects men to begin the interaction. The problem is: most men don’t. Most men are like I used to be: they rely on their looks, or their social circles, or their status to attract women. Is it any wonder, then, that most relationships fail? The reason I call most of the numbers that are randomly handed to me is that I respect the courage and self-confidence that it takes to make oneself vulnerable. I suspect that most women would agree with me.
Sure, there are people (men and women alike) who won’t look twice at a member of the opposite sex unless s/he looks like they just stepped off a photo shoot. But for those of us who are adults, and are looking to date other adults, the most important thing is the confidence to say:
“Yeah, I’m a great person, and you seem like someone I’d like to get to know.”
That attitude will snag more girls that good looks ever will.