This post is by Lee, a close friend and fellow coach.
A friend of mine recently met three different women and set up dates with all of them in one weekend.
By Sunday night, he said, he felt like a total creep.
He felt he was lying both to himself and the women.
He did not tell the women that he dated other women.
And so he figured this “lifestyle” is not for him.
How do you act with integrity and still keep your options open?
First, never lie to women. That is one of the most important lessons.
Women can smell lies from a million miles away.
Real men don’t need to lie to get desirable women.
Lies can only make you weaker.
When women ask me if I am seeing other women, I respond with absolute honesty:
“We are not anywhere near ready to make our relationship exclusive”
“If that day ever comes,” I say, “I’ll be glad to tell you all of the intimate details of my past relationships with other women.”
“Until then, that’s a part of my life that is very private.”
“I’m going to be a little pissed if you ask me to share it with you. It would be like stealing my diary and reading what I wrote about you.”
Second, it’s not psychologically healthy to commit to dating one woman before you really know her.
Think of your past relationships. How long did it take you to determine that you were incompatible?
And now you are saying that you have enough information in one or two dates to determine that you should stop seeing other women?
If you stop seeing other women too soon, you are doing a disservice to both yourself and your prospective new girlfriend.
You are doing a disservice to yourself because you are depriving yourself of the opportunity to meet someone who may be your ideal mate.
You are doing a disservice to your prospective girlfriend by putting a lot of pressure on yourself and on her to make your new relationship succeed.
You are greatly increasing the likelihood of a commitment followed by a break up.
Give yourself and give her the time to get to know each other while there is no pressure to commit.
The best way to relieve that pressure is to see other people while you get to know each other.
Finally, for those of you who are seeking multiple relationships, more power to you.
To maximize the enjoyment of these relationships for both yourself and your significant others, never lie to women.
Don’t use romance to get sex and companionship if all you want is sex and companionship.
There are many, many women looking for exactly the same thing, and many women who may decide they are willing to settle for that if they know exactly what they’re getting into.
Be honest and let them decide. Don’t make the decision for them.
Lee is a dating coach in New York City. If you are interested in getting coaching from Lee, contact me. You can check out his podcast here