Success is Just Showing Up

by Eric Disco
Jan 15

“80 percent of success is just showing up” — Woody Allen

7:00 AM. My alarm goes off. Time to get out of bed and go running.

I don’t know why but I always seem to choose either the hottest, most humid day of the year to start running again, or the coldest, snowiest day.

I really don’t want to do this. I’ve been putting it off for the last few days. But due to some shenanigans, I hurt my back again. And running is the best thing for it.

It’s dark in my apartment as I get out of bed. I walk into the living room and look out the window.

It’s dark outside. And snowing. I stand there in my long johns and look out the window.

The excuses begin.

It’s not even light out. I can’t run in this!

It’s snowing, what if I trip and fall and hurt myself.

I decided to do this yesterday. But now at 7:00 AM, it seems crazy to go outside and run.

I decide that since today is the first day, all I have to do is put on my clothes and get outside and jog around the block. That’s it.

The first day is always the hardest. Your mind comes up with so many excuses. That’s why I allow myself the luxury of just getting out. That’s it.

It’s enough of a challenge for me to get out my front door. There is no need to add challenges on top of that.

When it comes to approach anxiety, the biggest problem for guys is taking on too much at once.

You want to go out. You want to find cute women. You want to walk up to them. You want to open your mouth. You want to say something clever. You want to stay and talk to her. You want to get her engaged in a conversation. You want to set up a date.

All in good time, my friend. But first things first.

The first step is to just get out. You haven’t been doing anything until now. Do something physical with your body. Make this as easy as possible on yourself.

If you set yourself up for too much, you will fail.

For a lot of the guys I coach, the time they feel the most anxiety is when they are about to go out. Once they are taking action, other things aren’t as difficult.

And I feel it too. I’m sitting at my desk at work. I have NO momentum. Okay, I’ll just get out and take a walk around. And sometimes that’s all I do.

And you know what? I’m a god-damn champion for doing it. Because without that step, no other step can be taken. And with this step, we can start to build other things on top of it.

As I reach into my drawer to get dressed to go running, the excuses start to come thick and fast.

I don’t have good socks to wear.

My insoles are no good, I should get new ones before I start.

I notice myself coming up with excuses and laugh. They’re getting more ridiculous by the moment.

All I have to do today is go outside, I tell myself.

When I meet with guys, one of the things I have them do aside from going out every day for a half hour, is to find one new activity to do each week.

Sometimes I look at them and they look like really cool guys. They have cool lives. But they never get out enough. It is a common theme among people with social anxiety.

I’ve noticed in myself and others, that social anxiety is accompanied by agoraphobia. There’s a fear of public or unfamiliar places.

You don’t like to go to new places. You don’t like to explore. It’s easier to stay home and read about meeting women than to take any kind of action.

But once you’re out there actually taking action, everything is different. You’ve put yourself into motion.

Whenever you feel anxiety, allow yourself the luxury of just going out. Explore a little. Notice where the cute women are. Don’t do anything else than take a walk around.

It seems small and easy, but it is the most important step of all.

As I get out onto the road, a snow covers my path. I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would. I run further than just around the block. And I feel great.

Start today. Take a walk outside without any other intention than to be out in the world among other people. Allow yourself the luxury of not doing anything else.

It is the first step to changing everything.

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posted in Ramp Up

COMMENTS
6 responses
doubledown11 says:

Wonderfully written per usual Eric, that first step is so important in helping us get closer to our dreams and goals. ‘Keep on truckin’

Anonymous says:

“I’ve noticed in myself and others, that social anxiety is accompanied by agoraphobia. There’s a fear of public or unfamiliar places.”

Been there…ever since I was little, I have been fighting a losing battle with myself. Hiding away is what I did. Pushing the fear aside made me feel good temoporarily, but little did I know thats wall I was building would take me two dam years to break threw.

For years (about 12 yrs now), I always wanted to get into martial arts, but the fear of the unkown got to me all the time. My parents knew I wanted to try it, but they never pushed me, I wish they did. Anyways, I just signed up for a course of kenpo next wednesday :D

GK says:

Here is a conundrum that I always have when attempting to do approaches.

I fully comprehend the 3-second rule. However, if you see a woman that you want to approach, and immediately open her, what if her husband or boyfriend is just 10 feet away? The 3-second rule means you cannot even verify this simple thing. But of course, waiting too long to see if she is alone, will lead to psyching yourself out.

So how do guys get around this? Open anyway, and if the bf/husband is there, what then? Again, this is for when he is PRESENT at the scene of the approach.

Eric Disco says:

If the boyfriend or husband is there, what then?

Nothing to worry about.  It happens to me once or twice a week.

What do you do?  It depends how far along in the interaction you are. If you just walked up to the girl and said something like, I had to come tell you that you are amazing, and he pops up and says “I’m her boyfriend,” you turn to him and say “Well, you’ve got an amazing woman here. You guys have a great night.”

If you have already introduced yourself to her and are in a conversation with her and he shows up, then you introduce yourself to him. In fact, any friend of hers that shows up, you should introduce yourself. If not you are left standing there like an idiot. If it is her boyfriend, chat for a bit more and then say “Well, I gotta run. You guys have a great night.”

If they are both super friendly to you, then you can stay longer. Get to know them. Ask them how they met each other. Maybe you can make some new friends.

Eric

GK says:

Eric,

OK, that makes sense. I will have to practice to make sure I have the presence of mind to naturally say that when it happens.

BTW, is there an article here where you detail out your favorite openers, that you often use?

Infinity says:

You know, people never really take it seriously that most of your success comes from just showing up. I always get the, “oh, well that’s easy for you to say. You show up all the time.” And my response is always, “Yeah, but there was a time in my life where I had to show up for the first time and it was the hardest thing I had to do.”

You just have to will yourself to take little steps to succeed. Just like Eric said about the jogging around the block, you gotta think about it in steps.

- Put on your jogging gear
- Get outside
- Jog around the block
- Jog around the block again
- Jog to the convenience store

Every time you feel good about yourself, you’ll naturally want to push yourself a little more. Test your luck, if you will. Whatever you do in life, will always be a gamble, but you will only come out better and in terms of reaching your goal, you’ll be one step closer.

You really have nothing to lose.

Good post again, Eric.

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