Your Feet Change Your Mind
by 
Eric Disco
It was 1968. Jane Elliot, a third-grade teacher, asked her students if they’d like to participate in an experiment.
The experiment, she told them, would allow them to understand how it felt to experience racism.
The students agreed.
She then separated the students from one another by an arbitrary but unchangeable attribute–their eye color–and assigned that attribute a social value.
On that day, a Friday, she decided to make the brown-eyed children superior first, giving them extra privileges like second helpings at lunch, access to the new jungle gym and five minutes extra at recess. She would not allow blue-eyed and brown-eyed children to drink from the same water fountain. She would offer them praise for being hard-working and intelligent.
The “blueys” on the other hand, would be disparaged. She even made the blue-eyed children wear crepe paper armbands.
At first, there was resistance to the idea that blue-eyed children were not the equals of brown-eyed children. To counter this, she used a pseudo-scientific explanation for her actions by stating that the melanin responsible for making brown-eyed children also was linked to intelligence and ability, therefore the “blueys” lack of pigmentation would result in lack of these qualities. Shortly thereafter, this initial resistance fell away.
Those who were deemed “superior” became arrogant, bossy and otherwise unpleasant to their “inferior” classmates. Their grades also improved, doing mathematical and reading tasks that seemed outside their ability before.
These “inferior” classmates also transformed ? into timid and subservient children, including those who had previously been dominant in the class. These children’s academic performance suffered, even with tasks that had been simple before. (Wikipedia)
Jane Elliot’s experiment shows brilliantly how the ugly cancer of racism affects human beings. It demonstrates the worst part of racism, how institutionalized racism becomes engrained in the victim’s mind.
But another brilliant aspect of this study is the effect it had on the students’ behavior, demonstrating how people’s views of themselves affect their performance.
Anyone shaken with doubt in a relationship knows the effect of their lack of assuredness: you begin acting out of weakness instead of strength. You become needy and unattractive.
You aren’t really unattractive, it’s what you believe that’s making you unattractive. Our beliefs are paramount to our behavior. If we perceive ourselves as attractive, we will act attractive and others will be attracted to us.
The major work, even more so than changing our behavior, is changing our internal belief system.
But changing your beliefs can be a seemingly impossible task.
It is painful to think of yourself as unattractive. When you learn that what is making you unattractive is actually your belief that you are unattractive, it is freeing at first. Now you know. You are the blue-eyed kid in the class who was only taught to feel inferior.
It feels great momentarily, but now you are charged with the task of changing your own beliefs. You are expected to try to think differently.
It’s been said that all game is inner game. And I completely agree with this. But I loathe the term ‘inner game.’ I hate that term because there is some implication that you can just sit home in your bedroom and change the way you think.
There is an implication that you can just decide to believe something and that will make it so. True, when you do believe the idea that “I am sexy,” it does make it so. But truly believing in your heart that you are sexy is not something you can simply decide to do.
You cannot change your thoughts. No matter how hard you try to believe that elephants can fly, there is no way you will truly wake up one day and believe in your heart that elephants can fly.
You putting pressure on yourself to carry a specific belief system around with you is not only unlikely to work, it can be counter-productive.
Thinking you can change your beliefs simply by willing it is almost more problematic than believing you are unattractive in the first place. Because now you are struggling within your mind.
Where there used to be acceptance, albeit acceptance that you’re a loser, you now have amplified your bad feelings by telling yourself I shouldn’t be thinking this way!
The root of the problem with approach anxiety is that you wrestle with your feelings, trying to expel them from your mind instead of ACCEPTING your feelings. When you struggle with pain, you amplify it.
You may walk around trying to REMEMBER that thought that you are sexy. You walk around trying to conjure up past feelings of worthiness.
Then you get in front of that girl and your body takes control. Those productive, positive thoughts fly away like birds. Because you never truly changed your belief in the first place.
So how do you change your beliefs?
First, stop trying to force yourself to believe something.
Relax. Breathe in. Accept everything. Accept the way you feel right now. It’s okay.
You will get there. But for now, allow yourself to feel everything. You are the way you are right now. We all have room to grow and learn. But you are who you are right now, and that’s a beautiful thing.
You can take steps to change the beliefs of the person you will become. But it doesn’t come from forcing yourself to think differently. It comes from taking action.
Perhaps you read an inspiring book and your thinking changed. That’s great. Thoughts are beautiful and important and can change your world. But they are also fleeting.
Perhaps your feelings about yourself changed. Feelings are also fleeting.
If there is no action to accompany that thinking or feeling, than there will be no perceivable change in your world and very little long-term change in your beliefs.
You wouldn’t think, Wow, that was a really cool thing I thought last week. No. But you if you take action you will think, Wow, that was a really cool thing I DID last week.
To change yourself to believe you are a sexy motherfucker, you need to take action in the real world. By simply walking toward that attractive person, you are changing your beliefs.
Your feet change your mind.
The greatest weapon we have against a fear of taking action is taking action. Taking initiative, in the smallest ways to start off with, is the bedrock that will change your belief systems.
Nothing breeds confidence like confidence. Nothing breeds success like success.
When you can look back on your week and realize you approached a beautiful woman every day, you will know that you can approach another woman today, even if you are scared.
People who are confident around women love to give out the advice “Just be confident.”
You cannot “Just be confident.”
In fact, when you begin doing something you have never done before, your action will resemble anything but confidence.
Take action, whether it be a walk around your neighborhood, asking a stranger for directions, or introducing yourself to someone new. Take physical initiative to interact with the world outside.
This is not something you can do in your mind. As David Mamet said, “If it’s not physical, it can’t be done.” The only way to change is to take small, simple steps every day toward your goal.
You don’t have to believe it. You don’t have to feel it. You just need to do it.
Posted in Initiative and Inhibition | 
14 Comments »
That reminds me of a quote by buddha:
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”
so physical action is what results and is the cause and vice versa of changing what you once thought.
why are women so excused from making the first move? what happened to women finding men attractive ? do they have to do anything i got to stay away from websites like this because you are saying: A women’s all right men are all wrong girls can be antisocial but men can’t women don’t have to deal with the consequences that men have to when he has to approach women this unfairness makes me despise women even more because I’m not sure if women are really attracted to men they say men are antisocial more than men yeah right who asks who out? Who makes the first move? Women? I don’t think so further proving that you could never be equal to me cuz you won’t fight a war or approach a guy with yo “I want to be equal to a man but I can’t approach, I can’t ever come up with plans and I can’t fight in a war or none of that this site is a shame for men everywhere because its saying that women were right all along and that this guys make the first move is automatically acceptable !
so fukc everyone because instead of looking at moralness of the situation they rather keep things “traditonial than equal” weak a ss s men accepted it women cherish it what makes them worthy of these conditions men never get to enjoy this website should be called guys who defend womens cowardly nature bail them out of approaching and talking ya’ll at pick up 101 can do that all ya’ll want you guys can wear the “approaching is only requried to males” jacket all you want help her be cocky help her to continue to not say noting to yo azz help make it hell for more guys cuz of you weak azz men at pick up 101 who give in women never give into you idiots cuz they know eventually you will so they gonna continue to be silent because of guys like you who have to chase hoes they will continue to be stuck up because with all the guys making first moves then I can easily get someone with acceptable physical appearance its okay though when that “ladies man comes in your life and cheats never around and gets cocky and abusive don’t cry tric k cuz you get what you deserve
Hey UI,
With an attitude like that, can anyone be surprised you’re not living the life you want to live? Is it any surprise that women don’t come running to you? It’s not a double standard, it’s logic: I usually try to stay away from unpleasant people, too.
Also, make an effort to learn some English grammar. Your comment is almost unreadable. Not sexy in the least.
Eric-
Thank you, thank you, thank you. The problems and challenges you talked about in this post that occur mentally are the same ones I have been experiencing recently. However, these past couple of days I have turned a corner and started socializing with people just for the sake of doing it. Already I’ve spoken to and made plans with one of my crushes for the first time. And the fact that you posted this makes me feel great. You have been a tremendous inspiration. Thank you.
What the fuck is the deal with UI? Who is this person?
UI is a man who has not yet accepted that it is a man’s job to make the first move and approach the woman. He is rebelling against this idea of improving oneself and approaching because he is scared. I empathise with him and surely a lot of other guys can too. I use to be an angry man too, and always fight and resist, saying why don’t women do the approaching, oh it’s all us guys with our “techiques” and chasing that keep the women waiting for us men. Well then I realised that no, in this current society things have been set up for men to be the chooser (I’m not gonna say chaser) and women our subjects. I don’t think even in 100 years this will change. Re-frame it, you approach a woman you have chosen and YOU know that if she dismisses you, she has bad taste and is missing out on YOU. Accept it, be a man and approach otherwise you’re going to notice you’re spending a lot of time alone making love to your hand and not a woman.
And please UI, this is a site for gentlemen, not PUA crackheads and wanna-be players who refer to women as ‘hoes’.
Francis
UI,
Your frustration is completely misdirected. You shouldn’t be mad at women, you should be mad at other men.
You see, women aren’t “excused” from approaching, they simply don’t have to. They don’t have to because they know that while you, UI, may not be able to approach, some other self-assured guy will. If all men, everywhere were like you, women would need to approach.
SO don’t be mad at women, they do their part by by looking good. Be mad at the next dude who isn’t as lazy as you and willing to go after what he wants.
eric,
awesome post. ive been struggling with this exact problem recently and checked out the site today in hope of finding something on the subject. my lucky day i guess…
i had to make a call about a job today that i had been putting off for a while cause the guy i was calling is a big shot in his industry and im not really comfortable with doing that sort of thing yet. i realized after making the call, and reading this post, that youre right about the fact that no matter how hard i tried to be comfortable doing it, it wasnt going to happen. i felt nervous during the call but now i feel great that i took action.
is it possible to feel confident around women based off of other small successes like the one i acheived today? or is the confidence specific to the type of action? maybe congratulating yourself on other small successes will get you used to feeling uncomfortable and the reward that inevitably follows your action.
i liked your suggestion of just accepting how you feel at your present moment and instead of trying to think your way into feeling better, suggesting that you need to act your way to feeling better. being an intelligent person, sometimes i think that i can think my way out of any problem im having. accepting the reality that we are primal beings who only realize things through action is what we all have to remember. i remember reading somewhere that more intelligent guys have problems with women more frequently because they think too much. time to act!
thanks bro, this post is the real deal.
This is exactly what I needed right now. Thank you.
I understand these teachings, they are wise and informative. But you speak of taking action, consider this: In order to take action you must have the intuitive thought process active in the first place. A positive belief will prompt you to take action.
So are you saying that by simply autosuggesting
“I am a confident person”
Is a waste of time because it will cause inner turmoil within your mind?
I am wondering where you get the illustrations to go with this site. They’re pretty cool. Do you draw them yourself?
These posts have been a great help. I’ve always been good at talking to girls…once the first step had been made. But I never knew how to approach. The answer seems so obvious now that its been pointed out. Just fucking do it. Thanks a lot.
Maybe the best article in inner confidence .. Thanks Erik