What to Do When You Need Motivation

by Eric Disco
Sep 16

You want this pretty bad.

I don’t have to tell you why you want to do this.

I don’t have to talk about how it feels to bring an amazing woman into your life.

From walking up to her, to giving her a kiss goodbye in the morning, to knowing she can’t wait to see you again–and you can’t wait to see her.

I don’t have to tell you that part. You know that part. You see beautiful women every day.

But sometimes the road ahead can seem so long. And the alternatives so easy.

You come home and you’d rather turn on the TV than go out and meet women. It’s much more comfortable.

You’d rather surf the web than open your mouth and talk to a stranger. It’s much easier.

It’s been a long day and you need to rest. You come home from work and just want to chill out. I know.

There seems so far from here.

But you know you want it.

You can’t be motivated by results. Seeking rewards can be a trap. You can’t do this from day to day hoping to get laid. It won’t happen.

So how do you motivate yourself?

It escaped me for a really long time. Every time I had to motivate myself to start again, I asked myself this question.

I get motivated by my friends. Having them there is a great way to keep going.

I get motivated by having goals. Wanting to change myself is powerful.

But when I’m sitting there, by myself, and there is a giant wall of lethargy separating me from what I want to do, there is only one thing that motivates me:

Action.

Action is the great motivator.

You cannot wait to become motivated, or you will wait forever. You become motivated after you start to take action.

When you’re sitting there, there is a lot of momentum in place to not do anything.

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

You want to get motivated before you take the action, but it doesn’t work that way.

The way motivation works is that you start to take action, and then you become motivated.

Weird, right?

Once you actually begin doing what you set out to do, even the smallest of steps, you are no longer in the worst place to be: stagnate.

You are now experiencing the real world, taking in information. You feel yourself doing something instead of tossing the idea around in your head.

It’s similar, in a way, to getting past anxiety. If you don’t know how to deal with anxiety, the tendency is to want to kill the anxiety before you approach a woman. But it doesn’t work that way.

You start to have less anxiety after you approach women.

The analogy I used before was with my back pain. I injured my back. I wanted to rest my back until I’d recovered.

But I could rest all I wanted, my back wouldn’t fully recover until I started using it, exercising it every day.

The next time you find yourself in a place with no momentum trying to inspire yourself, instead of waiting around for the motivation to hit, start the action.

Yes, it hurts. If you haven’t gone out for six weeks, you will feel very unmotivated.

But instead of thinking and thinking about it, step outside your front door. Take a walk around. Breathe the fresh air into your lungs.

Get your feet moving. And your motivation will follow.

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition, Self-Improvement Strategies

COMMENTS
17 responses
greg says:

great post

Real_Max says:

Damn, I like it. I have been wanting to find a way to motivate myself lately. My college started and I want to get A’s and the first thing I did was to put down all my goals on a piece of paper, carry it around and read it out from time to time or just leave it there and keep thinking about them. As always, though, motivation and determination starts to drain away until I sit down and start taking action again or even think about a future date where I will do sometihng related to my life goals. As for being a social artist, I have followed your advice from day one and I have seen more changes in my life then dvds, seminars and what not. To be honest with you, I don’t have anxiety anymore unless the opening situation around the target seems a little daunting and a bit challanging but I am changing everyday and everyday is a new adventure.
I will be putting your advice to work right now as I need some motivation to do good in college again and I will let you know of the results.
Also, I hope you always have this blog and your dead-on inner-personality advice.

Marcello says:

“You can’t be motivated by results. Seeking rewards can be a trap. You can’t do this from day to day hoping to get laid. It won’t happen.”

The problem is that if the results never come, then what ?
Intermediate goals are OK for a while. At the beginning for a while you make some approaches and you feel good just because of that regardless of the outcome. You approach in more and more situations and it is great.
But in the long run if you aren’t getting actual results (dates, sex, a girlfriend) approaching girls only to be ignored/rejected or screwing up is anything but fun. Probably the only reason I keep going out doing 3-5 cold approaches a day is that I have been doing it for so long that staying at home just doesn’t feel right.
But when I am at home I am not getting constantly negative feedbacks about my skills and worthiness.

Relentless says:

Marcello, I know exactly where your coming from. I still cant get dates, but the fact I now have the ability to go out and sucessfully interact with a girl brings a tear to my eyes.

why?

BECAUSE I USE TO NEVER BE ABLE TO DO IT BEFORE!

I had it bad, just like everyone here. Used to have terrible social anxiety, was afraid of just getting out of the house, never mind talking to the ladies… The feeling I had was indescribable, but as I slowly inched towards becoming more social, things started to change, I started to change. It took a long while, but I was eventually able to get over the hurdle and made approaches happen.

“approaching girls only to be ignored/rejected or screwing up is anything but fun.”

Out of a hundred approaches, i had less than a handful of rejections that stung a lil more than it should have. The first one shut me down for a couple months, but after I got into pickup, and got my mind straightened out, it rarely gets to me anymore. My game still needs a lot of work, but I just juJust another hobby I do.

Yesterday, I got rejected, but still ended up hugging the babe before we parted ways. Its b/c we shared a connection. Sure its a bummer she has a boyfriend, been together for 5 years she said, but ThaTs what I want man!

For as long as I’ll live, I have hope that one day things will fall into place. Never give up man.

Real_Max says:

“Yesterday, I got rejected, but still ended up hugging the babe before we parted ways. Its b/c we shared a connection. Sure its a bummer she has a boyfriend, been together for 5 years she said, but ThaTs what I want man! ”

..and I wouldn’t even consider that a rejection. To me, rejection is being told I am ugly and I should just get the f”"k outta there. Having that sort of mindset tells me that Ive never been rejected and whenever being told that someone has a boyfriend it’s because my game wasn’t up there.

When your game is good then even if the a girl has a boyfriend they would never bring it up. Taking “BF” excuse as rejection somewhat makes you feel like they didn’t like you because of your looks. That’s the worst way to take rejection.. I get told about BF’s left and right but I don’t even consider it for a second and just move on as if I never heard it. In my mind they always play hard to get cuz my game is coming on too strong but at the same time I give them space so if they would like to leave or w.e they wouldnt have to create drama and would just go. Give them space but always be optimistic.

Learning this stuff has made me a better Public Speaker… I used to let people judge me whever there were females around I used to lock up..always knowing that I am a good looking guy but not knowing how to be smooth.. I am change and few months from today .. trust me.. you won’t even recognize me.

Whatever you want to be is all in you head.

Relentless says:

I’ve heard time n time again that girls are easy. But I havent run into them. I suppose I have been running into the good girls out there…

“When your game is good then even if the a girl has a boyfriend they would never bring it up. Taking “BF” excuse as rejection somewhat makes you feel like they didn’t like you because of your looks. That’s the worst way to take rejection.. ”

sure…unless she wouldnt want to ruin her perfect relationship. There has been a handful of occasions where the girl didnt feel comfortable making a new guy friend b/c of her bf situation. I’m not in this game to mess with people like that, I dont want to go on and ruin great relationships anyhow.

Waingr0 says:

I think the main point of this article is the fact that after your first approach of the day , you will become more confident and more motivated to keep doing approaches that day, that´s what happens to me, even if i get rejected, when im approaching a girl and say ” hi listen i only have a minute, but i got to tell you something, you are the most attractive girl that i ve seen today” , after that i feel fucking awesome just because i got the balls to do that and i look other situation to continue approaching … but find the motivation to do the first approach is what most of us lack i think….. when that happens i say to me “fuck it, i spotted a girl and i start walking direct to her right away and just open the mouth” ….. after that the motivation start…

Upstate says:

Maybe, a bit too old to comment on your site, but social anxiety can snowball into other negative behaviors. As Ronald Reagan once said 90% of life is just showing up.

P.S. the part about excercise being good for back pain is absolutely right!

rico says:

amazing post…i could relate to every single bit of it and I believe that it works…cant wait to try once i get the dreaded lazy, sluggish feeling…thanks again for sharing…there truly are people out there willing to help out…

MrDave says:

Great post. I can certainly relate to this post, and agree there are many nights I’d rather not go out, because it is easier to hide behind my television. I don’t need to put in effort, I don’t need to fear failure… Then I think of the successes I had, no matter how small, and knowing that if I face the challenge, I’ll be one step better than what I was before I headed out the door. Keep up the great posts!

Nny says:

Another awesome reading… Most stuff on this site is so accurate that sometimes I feel like Eric was reading my mind… :)
Thanks for helping us out man!

acuity says:

Great post… must-read for anyone suffering with approach anxiety. I think approach anxiety only gets worse the more you let it prevent you from approaching. The opposite also holds true, however.

Your posts have been a great help to me, man. Keep them coming and thank you.

Peregrine 8 says:

Great post, indeed. Thanks!

Karma says:

Eric, what’s so refreshingly unique and believable about you is your regular-guy vibe. It makes me feel, hey he’s like me! And it makes me further encouraged that if he can do it I CAN DO IT too! Thanks for being so REAL and vulnerable…I hope you never lose touch with that side of you. That is what makes you the most refreshingly endearing of all the PU gurus out there. Can’t wait for your book!

LazySlacker says:

This is some great stuff, not just about AA but life in general. This is very good advice man, keep up the good posts.

Zhelyazko says:

Great post Eric. But the I-get-the-main-point-but-still… guy in me has to say:

“A body at rest tends to stay at rest”- not always true and certainly not indefinetly :)

Marked One says:

Great post.

I guess this is the reason why they say Take Action or Obey first before asking questions. It’s damn right to just stop thinking and they action instead.

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