Don’t Be Clever
August 8th, 2008 by 
Eric Disco
When I first started approaching women, I was nervous as hell.
I’d read some clever openers that seemed like they would work on women.
So I tried them.
I walked up to women hoping to make them laugh.
If I could get her to laugh she would be interested in me, I thought.
And I failed miserably. I didn’t fail because of the words. I failed because I was trembling with fear.
I was trying to be funny and cute when I was completely locked up.
I looked at what was happening, how some approaches would succeed but most would fail. I noticed how I felt afterward.
I looked at all the anxiety and how uncomfortable I was with this process.
That’s when I decided to throw everything away. I wouldn’t use anything.
I was intentionally not going to even try to do anything to get women to like me. I was just going to say Hi.
And I did it. I walked up to one woman every day and said “I was walking by and I just wanted to come say hi. My name’s Eric.”
Simple. Plain.
Almost idiotic.
I didn’t care if it worked or not. There was nothing to work or not work. I am simply doing it.
Every time I did it I was teaching my body something. I was teaching my body to approach her.
I was teaching my body that words don’t matter.
I was teaching my body that this particular approach wouldn’t make or break me.
I was learning to accept whatever joy or wrath my honesty incurred.
If this ‘opener’ didn’t work, if she said “No thanks, I’m busy,” there was nothing I could have done differently.
I didn’t mess up the lines or the comedic timing. There was nothing to mess up.
I wouldn’t walk away from her thinking to myself the usual thoughts.
Why didn’t I say this instead? Why didn’t I smile more? Why didn’t I do this or that?
The point would be to simply do it. If I did it, I achieved my goal for the day. And the achievement was monumental.
It also taught my body that I didn’t need to be clever. And you don’t.
Funny openers do not get a woman attracted to you. If anything, when you make her laugh, it lowers the tension and she feels a bit more comfortable talking to you.
You are already attractive. But you won’t believe me if I tell you this. Going out and not using any ‘attraction’ gimmicks teaches your body that you are already attractive the way you are.
Just taking initiative to walk up to this woman is amazingly attractive.
Your simple courage, your bravery, your honest action is a thousand times more interesting to her than any jokes and clever lines could be.
You trying to make her laugh will simply come across as you trying too hard.
Stop trying.
This is not about trying, this about doing.
Find an action that works for you. Make it as simple as possible. And take that action.
If you are comfortable with approaching and want to challenge yourself by using more fun, flirty openers, that’s fine.
But when it comes to approach anxiety, starting out with something as simple as possible will help the most.
Posted in Initiative and Inhibition, Ramp Up | 
9 Comments »
August 8th, 2008 at 9:17 am
absolutely true.. i prefer the stupid openers as well.. it is really the courage of you going up there to make the difference, not what you say..
August 8th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
As someone who is just getting going, I certainly see the value of “Simple”. My biggest problem is overthinking, trying to plan out the whole interaction in advance, and just freezing up like an overloaded computer (perfect analogy for those who consider the human brain the ultimate computer).
Of course, now I have to get good at bantering (I’ve been reading up on that), and not caring if I C&B. College is starting again soon, so I’ll have more time to hone the craft on campus (I just have to watch out for the PSEO high schoolers. I ain’t out looking for minors :-D ).
August 9th, 2008 at 7:23 am
There’s a new girl at my job and I planned also to make something complex, but those strategies don’t work, as a simple one could… My question is regarding the simple and stupid openers, do stupid games like post-its and stuff work with any girl too?
August 9th, 2008 at 10:48 am
At work I would definitely be more playful. I like to be a little bit antagonistic, all in an obviously fun way of course. When you walk by, push her into stuff and say “Oh, excuse me, I didn’t see you there.” Throw stuff at her. If you did use post it notes, I would be more playful. Leave a postit that says something like “dork” or whatever. Bust on her for slacking off. I also like to say things like “Man, they got you working hard. Do they chain you to your desk, give you bread and water, etc.” You of course want to say this stuff with a smile on your face.
Edit: The first thing I would do if I didn’t know the girl at work, is go up and introduce myself. “Hi, I’m Eric. I don’t believe we’ve met.” And get her name. If you are very nervous, you might want to just stop by her office or stop her when you see her and say Hi, how are you, how was your weekend, etc.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Hey Erik Love your Stuff, I think the simple approach is great. Before with a clever opener I couldnt even appraoch because of the fear of messing the opener up but just saying “Hi” has really made a difference you should of seen my joy after i approached my first girl EVER, even thought it went horrible at least i was able to approach her and ever since I ve done many more 20 to be exact :)
anyway I have a few questions, First I find it pretty difficult to approach a girl that is walking have any tips for that man last couple of days i have gone out with that mission in mind and i havent been able to get myself to stop her could you help me out man
second question is a group of girls, Erik i was walking around last thursday and i saw this amazing looking girl that i was really attracted too she was with 4 of her friends which i was not attracted too but i really wanted to talk to this girl, i stopped and i let the anxiety creep in (big mistake) and i began to think about it and in my head i was like how could i go in and just talk to this girl and ignore all of her friends how could i say “hi” i was walking by and i just wanted to come say “hi” i stood there frozen and watch this girl just walk out of my life, I mean i was really down after that. i started to beating myself up i let her walk away :(
anyway Erik what could ive done in that situation??? What Would You Have done???
Maybe those are just stupid question the thing that i should have done is just walk up to her and talk to her
Any way ERIK
LOVE THE STUFF
KEEP IT UP BRO……..
August 11th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Hey Man, check out this article, How to Approach A Woman Who’s Walking.
You can open women when they are with friends or in a group. Just like when they are alone, you can be more direct/sincere or flirty/playful.
Going direct is great. Say she’s walking with her friend. You can stop her the same way as if she were alone. See the article above for the mechanics on how to do that.
When you start to talk to her, one of two things will happen. If she’s really into you and the friend(s) can tell, sometimes the friend or friends, if they are cool, will fade back and let the two of you have your moment.
If not, the friends will remain there. In that case you need to introduce yourself to all of them and engage all of them in conversation. If they are standing nearby you can’t leave them out of the conversation. You can focus on the girl you are into and talk to her more and give her more eye contact. But you can’t completely ignore the other girls.
You can also do it a little more indirect/playful. Let’s say you stop them and ask for directions and then start flirting with them. You will have to talk to everyone at the beginning. From there you can start to focus on the one girl a bit more.
It’s a little bit different than in bars where you could have your friend “wing” for you. You could do that during the day but it almost doesn’t really help.
I would suggest at some point calling it out like “Wow, I like this girl” or something to make it clear which girl you are interested in. That way later on you can say, we should hang out again.
I prefer to go direct and call it out right from the beginning and open with “I just had to tell you you are unbelievably cute!”
Thanks man!
Eric
August 11th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Thanks alot Man I really Appreciate the advice this stuff is gold and I cant wait 2 go out and try it out 2morrow
August 24th, 2008 at 2:17 am
Great post. Just what I myself, and many others, need to hear reaffirmed over and over again. Thanks for keeping it simple and honest.
Best,
Emergency
September 9th, 2008 at 1:42 am
Hi Eric
I feel like using a prepared ‘clever’ opening comment relieves a lot of the anxiety in the daytime but I haven’t done any ‘simple’ ones yet during the daytime when approaching a stranger on the sidewalk or in the frozen foods aisle. It seems like a simple introduction would be a lot weirder there than in a bar or nightclub where people go to meet people. The clever ones make me feel smart and I like to feel smart. That might also be why I resist using other people’s prepared routines. Maybe that’s just me.