You Cannot Generate Attraction–You Already Are Attractive

by Eric Disco
Jul 9

“Hi,” I say to the girl behind the counter before I pay for my sandwich.

“Hi,” she says back in a dreary tone of voice.

“You don’t seem so happy to be here,” I say.

“I’m out of here in a couple of hours,” she replies.

“Where?” I say.

“I’m going on vacation.”

“Sweet!” I say. “Where to?”

“Europe,” she says.

A girl next to me getting ready to pay for her drink jumps in and says “Where in Europe?!”

“Italy and France.”

“Oh my god, take me with you!” I say. The girl behind the counter laughs “I’m totally going with you.”

I pay for my sandwich and walk out of the Union Square sandwich shop.

Later on at Barnes and Noble, I see a girl walking toward us and motion for my student to open her. He won’t.

So I go to talk to her. I pick up something in front of me, a dopey boardgame and get ready to ask her a stupid question about it.

“You’re the guy at Toasties!” she says, before I can say a word to her.

I look at her and realize that she is the girl who was standing next to me in line when I bantered with the cashier.

I don’t even say a word to her and she is already totally into me.

We start to talk and have a great interaction.

By the time I walk off, she’s asking to meet up with me soon to play boardgames at her place.

Such is the power of banter.

It’s been said “I need to get her attracted to me.” You don’t.

You already are an attractive person.

And you don’t even need to banter with her.

Just bantering near her is enough!


Because it shows how confident you are about your attraction, how you can be fun and playful around everyone.

Sometimes bantering near her is even better than bantering with her because it shows you aren’t trying to impress her.

You don’t generate attraction.  You cannot generate attraction.  You are attractive.

Learning to banter is about learning how to be confident enough to display your attractiveness.

The guy who can’t banter and have fun is inhibited. We all start out as that guy, afraid to open our mouths.

The more you practice, the more you learn to be a fun, uninhibited guy around people you’ve just met.

You learn how to be yourself around people you’ve just met.  You are a fun, playful person.

Banter can be practiced almost everywhere. The more people you practice it with, the better.

You can banter with your family, your friends, your co-workers.

It takes a little bit of trial and error to get good at banter.

It’s simply role-playing–and having fun while you’re doing it.  Here are my three favorite roles when bantering:

1) I’m too sexy. This is a classic, something every guy should learn.  It is a role-reversal.

Try to imagine what a super super sexy woman would say if guys were hitting on her all the time.  But pretend it’s you getting hit on by girls.

“Oh my god, I hate taking the subway in the morning.  It’s so crowded.  And women are always rubbing up against me trying to get a piece.  Sheesh.”

2) You’re too sexy. This a great way to get into sexual escalation.  You are basically acusing her, in a fun way, of being too attractive.

“Are you going out in public dressed that sexy?  People might see you, you know!”

3) You’re causing problems. She’s basically screwing everything up.

“Oh my god, I can’t take you anywhere!”

It’s great to have a few go-to banter lines.

It should be clear that the cleverness of these roles is not important.  It’s not about being brilliant.

I have worked with the best guys in the world when it comes to banter and the things these guys say aren’t even that funny.

It is the willingness of the person fulfilling the role that makes it fun.


posted in Attraction, Banter

7 responses
Anonymous says:

You know why I love what you write, Eric? It’s not about some crafty scientific flow chart that walks you through meeting a girl to getting her in the sack, there’s no “okay, now I’m in the comfort stage, so I can use this line instead of that line” none of that crap. It’s just about being a fun, attractive guy and letting the rest fall in to place. I can see the value in the methods and the lines for new guys, as an easy confidence builder; but even those you’re a big advocate of “make your own.” I really respect that.
Kudos on another great article.

Nutz says:

Ah, the power of social proof and preselection. Marvel at its power fellas. Just demonstrating how fun and sociable you are can be all you need to generate preliminary attraction.

Neil says:

Agreed, Nutz. I wish the opposite wasn’t necessarily so true, though – I’m fun and sociable, but I’m not always “on”. Damn negative social proof… :)

Amir says:

yeah, funny how that works. once you get that social proof, once she sees you as a fun banter-dude, its almost impossible to become lame after that. She just starts framing everything you do as either you being ironic, challenging or disqualifying or whatever. And on the other Hand trying to turn the tide, when she doesn’t see you that way.. ouch..

jano says:

You guys are full of shit…

Adventure says:

This is all very interesting but i need to see it in action. Where can i go to see video exaples of puas in action? Im too good looking to NOT be good with women but the truth is i suck and im getting tired of the girl always going home with my boys.. Thanks

Adventure says:

Actually, its not that i cant talk to women or people in general. In fact im excellent at bantering with regular people at the grocery store, the clerk at dept store or the girl at the gas station.. Its just when I step intio the bar enviroment that I clam up and lose my game. I think im afraid of them saying yes because I dont know where to go from there. That’s it….I just dont know what transitions to make once ive got her attention. Any Thoughts?