“Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is needed–you can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.” - Lloyd George
One of the most important things you can do when approaching women is commit. It is part of the reason why I use the approach I do.
“Hi. I was just walking by and I wanted to come say hi.”
Saying this, rather than something more indirect forces me to commit.
I recommend that if guys have too much approach anxiety to go up to women and say something like this, that they start out in smaller steps.
It’s a good idea to build up to something as much as you can.
Some of these smaller steps can include:
Just going out. A lot of guys don’t even get out of the house.
If you can actually go to whatever environment you plan to meet women–whether it be a bar or a park or a supermarket–if you can go to that environment consistently for a week or two in a row, you won’t feel as like an intruder.
Confidence and anxiety is affected by territory.
Do warm-ups. If you can consistently ask women for directions or for the time, go out every day and interact with women in some way, you get your mouth moving.
Even on a day that I do plan to full-on approach, I usually start with interacting with women in some way.
Some other things you can do:
Do warm-ups with a delayed question. Instead of just going in and asking “Can you tell me how to get to the library?” you can walk up to her and say “Hi. How are you?” listen to her response. And then ask the question.
You can even try to delay asking the question for even longer.
Compliment women. Just stop her and tell her you love her dress, or her style, or her energy or that she’s really cute. And then say “Have a great day!” and be on your way.
Ask opinions. Find something that you are genuinely interested in and go up to a woman and say that you want to get someone’s opinion.
One I used to use is “Do women like cologne?” Silly, but women loved to talk about it.
There are a myriad of things you can do to warm yourself up before actually full-on committing to an approach.
But there will come a point when you want to drop the pretense and tell her directly how you feel.
And no matter what you do to prepare for this, you will still feel unprepared.
Doing this generates huge amounts of attraction from her because you are taking a risk.
Your balls are on the table. And they’re huge. You can hardly carry them.
She can feel your intensity and sincerity.
You have the courage to show her how you feel, even if it’s just that you want to come say hi to her.
You are getting rid of that half-in half-out hesitation that kills confidence.
You are exposed, naked and vulnerable.
But you’ve chosen to expose yourself. You’ve made a decision.
Even though you may be afraid, your body and mind said you couldn’t do it, you’ve exercised your will.
You’ve become the hero.
I also like to introduce myself. It says I’m here. We are no longer strangers. We’re going to have a conversation.
If she wants to excuse herself, that’s fine. But I won’t make excuses for her. She can take care of herself. My intentions are clear.
Being straightforward about your intentions builds commitment. It is one of the things that teaches your body that it’s okay to feel what you feel.
And that’s what all this is about, after all. You are done living your life as an apology. Your feelings and attraction have been squirrelled away long enough.
By practicing commitment, you show yourself, over and over again, that you are a true presence in social situations.