I’ve started running again.

As I do my three-mile loop around my neighborhood, I notice other runners.

Sometimes I pass by on the same side of the road as them.

And I wonder, is it appropriate to say hi?

What if I wave and he or she doesn’t wave back?

In Anxiety Disorders and Phobias, Emory explains how the anxious person is acting needy by always looking to others whether it’s appropriate to be social.

He exaggerates the extent and significance of social acceptance and rejection.  He overgeneralizes and homogenizes: that is, he sees everyone’s acceptance as essential and equally important.  Acceptance by a mailman, a salesman, by all members of a social group, by a passer-by on the street, is as important as acceptance by people close to him.

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“Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is needed–you can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.” - Lloyd George

One of the most important things you can do when approaching women is commit.  It is part of the reason why I use the approach I do.

“Hi. I was just walking by and I wanted to come say hi.”

Saying this, rather than something more indirect forces me to commit.

I recommend that if guys have too much approach anxiety to go up to women and say something like this, that they start out in smaller steps.

It’s a good idea to build up to something as much as you can.

Some of these smaller steps can include: Continue Reading »

When he was in college, Lance Mason taught himself to approach women.  This was before the internet even existed.

He wrestled with approach anxiety as much as any guy, and what came through on the other side changed him forever.

Lance is the founder of Pickup 101 and one of the most celebrated dating gurus in the world.  He has influenced my game more than anyone else.

Last Sunday after a weekend workshop together, we sat down and talked about a lot of things he’s never revealed before.

Lance goes into detail describing his very first approach–how it failed and what he did to recover.

He reveals a great technique he has used from the very beginning to help get through approach anxiety.  And gives his very special definition of approach anxiety that you may not have heard before.

I asked Lance, if he only had one tool when he went in to talk to a woman, what would it be.  His answer is surprising.  And it could change your game forever.

Change Your Game Forever – Download Free MP3 Podcast (35 min, 32 MB)

One of the joys of coaching is finding a diamond in the rough, a guy who is already good in some way but just doesn’t know it.

Most guys at the beginning are looking for ways to change.  They want to overhaul their entire personality.

Guys certainly do need a lot of changing.  But more than helping these guys change, it is rewarding to help them bring out what is already attractive about who they are.

I feel very lucky to have worked with so many guys.  Some guys are “better” than others in that they would generally be considered more “successful” with women.

But in every guy, regardless of his social ability, I try to look for what is already there. Because ultimately, after all the fun and social cosmetics wears off, this is what women will find attractive.

I try to remember that in myself as well.  When I’m frustrated and feel I need more, when I lack confidence in myself, my first tendency is to find someone who’s better than me and adopt their ways.

It works to a point.  Continue Reading »

Before he ever approaches a woman, a guy has a vision of what success with women looks like in his mind.

He tries to tie down every detail.

He reads for months, planning things out before he actually goes out and talks to a woman.

It’s called perfectionism. And it is a common stumbling block for guys.

I’m working on a book. I’ve been working on it for a long time now. I’ve gotten good at writing posts but a whole book is a completely new experience for me.

Frankly I’m scared.

I keep setting up tables of contents and re-organizing and going back to things I’ve written and putting things in place and doing everything BUT WRITING THE BOOK.

And that’s okay. I need to have some structure. Continue Reading »

“Hi,” I say to the girl behind the counter before I pay for my sandwich.

“Hi,” she says back in a dreary tone of voice.

“You don’t seem so happy to be here,” I say.

“I’m out of here in a couple of hours,” she replies.

“Where?” I say.

“I’m going on vacation.”

“Sweet!” I say. “Where to?”

“Europe,” she says.

A girl next to me getting ready to pay for her drink jumps in and says “Where in Europe?!”

“Italy and France.”

“Oh my god, take me with you!” I say. The girl behind the counter laughs “I’m totally going with you.”

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I want you to picture something.

Let’s say your friend came up to you and said this:

“Oh my god, dude. This morning it was crazy. I had this weird experience. My heart started to race, almost as fast as it’s ever gone. I started to sweat. My blood pressure shot through the roof. I got crazy out of breath.”

You ask him “Shit, really? What were you doing?”

And he says “I was going out for a run.”

“Um, isn’t that… normal?” you respond.

“Well… yeah. But I don’t really run very much. So it was a new experience for me.”

You’re thinking in your head, well duh. Continue Reading »

Being great with women can be confusing. Guys get a lot of mixed messages.

Don’t be the nice guy. Yet be warm and friendly with her.

Be genuinely interested in her and excited about what she’s saying. But don’t suck up to her.

Hold yourself strong and confidently. But don’t be guarded.

Be aggressive and make the moves. But don’t creep her out.

When I first got into this stuff it was exasperating. “Just tell me what to do!” I felt like yelling at people. Am I supposed to be nice or not nice?!

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