You can do a lot of things at home.
You can eat. You can sleep.
You can work. You can read.
You can fuck. You can play video games.
You can watch movies. You can go on the internet.
But you do not live at home. You begin to live when you walk out your front door.
You begin to live when you interact with the world.
How much time do you spend at home alone?
When I started learning how to meet people I didn’t know, I would sometimes feel depressed after a while being out.
I would have an overwhelming desire to go home and just stay there. Put on a movie and do nothing.
Even when I’m with a girl, I sometimes find myself getting caught in the trap of staying home and fucking rather than going out and doing things.
There is nothing wrong with staying home and fucking. It can be a beautiful thing. You can get to know someone pretty well at home.
But to truly know someone, you spend time with them in the world living with them, not just in your house.
But I would guess, if you’re anything like me, you spend a lot of time at home ALONE.
We introverted types can accomplish a lot alone. There are some very important things you can do alone.
I spent ten years of my life working on music, mostly alone.
I’m writing a book now, mostly alone.
I walk past cafÂÂ«Â±s in New York City, and I see people with their laptops popped open. Yes, it’s a clichÂÂ«Â±. But they are on to something.
They know they are doing something anti-social, like writing, but at least the are out in the world doing it around other people instead of at home doing it alone.
Part of truly living is finding something challenging and doing it, meeting that fear that lies inside.
You can do things that challenge you alone. You’ve probably gotten used to embarking on challenging things alone.
But to truly feel good about yourself, you need to feel good socially. To be truly happy and balanced, an effort must be made to step outside of your house.
I do a lot of things at home, but I do not live at home. I begin to live when I walk out the front door.
I live when I am interacting with other people–both friends and new people.
I live when I shake someone’s hand, when I look into their eyes.
I live when I walk into a room full of people, all gathered to exchange ideas.
From a young age, as introverted guys, we decided it was too much work to compete out there in the world with other people.
We decided to pursue solitary interests, interests that didn’t depend on the illogical and senseless social rules that we didn’t care for.
The internet age has made it even more possible to stay inside our homes and logically learn almost everything we need to know about the world.
Like shut-ins that never see the light of day, we feel connected to the world.
We can root for our favorite sports team. Monitor our favorite political candidates. Read our favorite blogs. Interact with other people on forums. Play video games with others online.
We are titillated by stupid pictures and movies our friends email us.
But much like the guy that reads and reads and reads and knows everything there is to know about pickup, you are still SHUT OFF from the world.
Your emotions are connected to your BODY. When your body is not in the world, you do not feel the world and therefore do not experience the world.
Fear is territorial. People have less social fear in places they frequent. One of the tricks to lowering your approach anxiety is to get comfortable in a place by going there a number of times.
But a huge part of approach anxiety in general for guys is that they just do not get out enough.
You spend your entire week in two places: Your home and your job. And then you get out on Friday night into a place packed with people, loud music and strangers, and wonder why you have so much anxiety.
You have anxiety because you spent the entire week with your life on hold. You worked, you ate, you slept, you masturbated, but you did not LIVE.
Get out of your house and live.
This is not a call for you to start spending five hours a day outside of your house. Like all other endeavors, if you bite off too much too soon you will quit fast.
This is a call to get out of your house REGULARLY. This is a call for you to get out consistently.
Walk out the front door of your apartment. Leave your office or workspace for a short period of time every day.
Go for a walk. You don’t even need to talk to women at first. Put as little pressure on yourself as possible. Just get into the habit of getting out.
If you have the option of going to a bar for a half hour and sitting rather than staying home and playing video games, do that instead–even if you don’t speak to anyone.
Make plans for the weekend. Try to include your friends. But if they won’t come along, fuck it, do it on your own. Use your awesome internet skills to find fun events in your area that interest you.
You will not meet anyone at home. Get out of your house and begin to live.