What Kind of Guy Just Walks Up to a Woman and Says Hi?

by Eric Disco
May 19

Question:

What kind of person just goes up to someone and just wants to say hi? She’ll think I’m after something and her defense will go up.

Response:

It is weird to just walk up to people and talk to them.

Also, she’ll probably think you’re crazy.

She’ll think you’re trying to sell her something.

And she’s probably too hot, a girl like that gets hit on 50 times a day.

Or maybe she’s not hot enough, you want someone you’re REALLY attracted to.

Or she’s too busy.

She’s not your type.

She’ll think you’re a stalker.

You’re not dressed right today.

You need to learn how to do [xxx] before you approach her.

You’re not in the mood today.

You’ll start tomorrow.

It’s raining out.

It’s too hot out.

It’s too cold out.

You don’t have anything to offer her.

You’ve got somewhere important to be.

There’s nothing cool going on in your life to talk about.

You need to practice [xxx] before you do this.

You’re too focused on something else in your life.

In this situation, there is no way to talk to her without creeping her out.

You’re not cool enough.

You’re not dressed cool enough, you need to buy new clothes first.

You’re not handsome enough.

You’re bald or short or fat or not the type of person she wants to talk to.

You’ve waited too long, its too late to talk to her.

You’ll start next week.

You have a date with a girl, you don’t need to approach more women.

She’ll be really inconvenienced if you interrupt her.

She doesn’t look like she wants to be approached.

She’s in a conversation with her friend.

She’s alone but she’s probably waiting for someone.

There are too many people around.

She’ll get creeped out because there’s nobody around.

She has headphones on.

This is a bad part of town.

Nobody approaches people in the bookstore/supermarket/subway.

She’s walking too fast.

You could open her but then you wouldn’t know what to say.

You haven’t approached anyone in weeks or months.

You have never approached anyone and don’t know how to do it.

You didn’t do any warm ups.

This will be in vain because you might be able do it today but you won’t be able to approach again tomorrow.

Did I miss any excuses? I’m SURE you’ll be able to come up with more. There is no end to the brilliant excuses your mind generates.

It is ALL a manifestation of your approach anxiety.

Here’s what you do:

Go out and approach a woman. If you can’t approach her, write down your excuses.

Go home and think about how lame those excuses are. Write down a response to each excuse on the same sheet of paper if you want.

In fact, write down all the lame excuses you can possibly think of.

Put that piece of paper in your pocket.

Go back out there.

Approach her anyway.

And feel the fucking rush.

Give yourself huge props, no matter the outcome.

Sometimes you get a great response. Sometimes you get a not-so-great response. That is the beauty of this.

You do not know what will happen. She is a human being and anything can happen.

But you are a sexy guy with A LOT of cajones, huge beach-ball sized cajones.

It takes courage to walk up to her. Women sense that and she will be drawn to you even more because of it.

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posted in Acceptance

COMMENTS
16 responses
Shadyx says:

I have used too many of those excuses. I think I would be creeped out if somebody approached me so why wouldn’t anybody else?

Eric Disco says:

I think I would be creeped out if somebody approached me so why wouldn’t anybody else?

Would you, though? If an attractive woman walked up to you and started talking to you, you wouldn’t be creeped out. You’d be pretty excited. The same thing holds true for women. If an attractive guy, a.k.a. you, walked up to her, she would be pretty excited.

Part of the issue here is that you don’t realize how attractive you already are. With every approach, you become a more attractive, confident person, regardless of the outcome.

Eric

I’m used to people approaching me randomly and it still feels awkward every time.

Are you trying to sell me something?
What DO you want?

It’s all in the ice breaker, if you comment on a general thing in the environment that you can both relate to, whatever you say after that will be natural.

lordt78 says:

Some people are nice, open, and friendly. Others are not. WHen you approach on the street, the ones who won’t stop and talk to you are not nice, open, friendly or attracted to you. Learning to deal with these scenerios helps you evolve as a man.

Eric Disco says:

I’m used to people approaching me randomly and it still feels awkward every time.

Are you trying to sell me something?
What DO you want?

It’s all in the ice breaker, if you comment on a general thing in the environment that you can both relate to, whatever you say after that will be natural.

There are a thousand great ways to approach a woman. If you can use something in the environment, great. That is an excellent way to go.

But if you have huge approach anxiety, you WILL NOT be able to come up with something clever right then and there and have it work. I guarantee it. Not if you’ve never done it before. If you have a ton of fear, your mind freezes. You are inhibited.

Putting pressure on yourself to come up with something creative right then and there is the worst way to go if you are overwhelmed by fear. Having a super clever pickup line, and there are a lot out there, is better. But you are still TRYING to have a desired effect.

By throwing all those lines away and just walking up to her with no pretense, you are taking all pressure off yourself to “perform.” You don’t need any additional pressure.

And yes, it may be awkward, but sometimes the most charming interactions start off awkward. Ideally, you want to become more confident and smooth and make everyone feel at ease, but in the beginning it’s okay to be awkward. There is no way around it. So you just have to do it for yourself. As you do more approaches you will feel more comfortable with this.

If it makes you feel better, you can even preface it with “I know this seems kinda random but, I just wanted to come say hi.”

Eric

Really Lost.... says:

I know all of these things…. I know girls want me to approach them…. I Know that there waiting for a guy like me….. I know that nothing really bad is going to happen if i approach them…. I know that only by approching girls…. I could get rid of my anxiety…. I think I have the right mind frame…. I m just frustrated that even though I know all these things…. I still can’t approch… I have gone out time and time again… for the last couple of days and I just see the target … shes alone ready to be approached nothing stopping me and i just walk by…. Im just frustrated…. I HAVE TO GET THIS SHIT HANDLED….. I CAN’T LET THIS BEAT ME >:0

Burak says:

[quote]It takes courage to walk up to her. Women sense that and she will be drawn to you even more because of it. [/quote]

This is sooo KEY!

Yesterday I did my first cold-approach in days, and although the conversation was kinda weird and off, I could see in her eyes that she was drawn to me, to my courage of being able to bust through my fear. You gotta understand that almost NO guy has that courage to approach.

The biggest limiting belief that AA puts on us is that “She is soo fucking hot, she probably has guys all over her”.
This is soooo NOT TRUE! Even hot women are dying to meet quality guys. Yeah she does get approached by idiots, jerks and ‘wanabee players’ but good quality guys are so rare for women.
So when you walk up to her, just making casual conversation, she will sense that you’re not after something, and she’ll be finally meeting a good quality guy in times.

Emperor says:

[quote]

Part of the issue here is that you don’t realize how attractive you already are. With every approach, you become a more attractive, confident person, regardless of the outcome.

[/quote]

This one is GOLD. How could it be noone sees that. The ONLY REAL answer is in these 3 lines.

[quote]

I know all of these things…. I know girls want me to approach them…. I Know that there waiting for a guy like me….. I know that nothing really bad is going to happen if i approach them…. I know that only by approching girls…. I could get rid of my anxiety…. I think I have the right mind frame…. I m just frustrated that even though I know all these things…. I still can’t approch… I have gone out time and time again… for the last couple of days and I just see the target … shes alone ready to be approached nothing stopping me and i just walk by…. Im just frustrated…. I HAVE TO GET THIS SHIT HANDLED….. I CAN’T LET THIS BEAT ME >:0
[/quote]

You put too much pressure on yourself. Start with little things and get further from that. It’s not about “I have to”, “I can’t let this beat me”, it’s just about learning.

[...] What Kind of Guy Just Walks Up to a Woman And Says Hi From: approachanxiety.com  A great article that will help you get rid of that nasty AA. So what kind of guy just walks up to a woman and says hi? » more 1 [...]

Dave says:

She might enjoy my opener. She might find me uber attractive. She might really dig me. We might go on a couple of dates. We might continue to hit it off. We might have sex. Then more sex. Then amazing sex. I might meet all her friends and they might all love me. I might meet her parents and they might love me too. We might move in together. We might get married. We might have children together. They might grow up to be fantastic lights in our lives. We might grow old together. We might retire to the country together. We might enjoy our new slower paced life and share some simple activities together. But then she might die and I’d be sad.

My friends tell me sometimes I think too much ;-)

ShameClot says:

It’s cojones, not cajones (which means table drawers). I dunno if it’s intended but just in case.

Anyway, nice article, keep up :)

[...] Approach Anxiety » Blog Archive » What Kind of Guy Just Walks Up to a Woman and Says Hi? [...]

I think sometimes, just walking up and saying hi *can* be your best approach. It really depends on the setting …the only time I’m really creeped out/my defenses go up when someone randomly says hi to me is when I’m walking by outside. I wonder first, if they’re homeless and want money and then, if not, it just seems creepy to me because really, I’m not wanting to engage in conversation if I’m hurrying to a class.

Anyway, one man I dated had such great swagger and confidence that out a bar he just walked up to me and introduced himself. His sense of self really blew me away. I liked him for a long time for that very reason.

missouri says:

you are the man…it’s almost like your inside my brain and you know exactly how i feel man!

Joe says:

i am so glad i found this website because i hang out with so many “popular” guys that sometimes i think i’m the only one who can’t approach women. the one thing i’m afraid of is that the girl will think i’m a creep. even if its not the case, its always a case of me always having that boost in my brain that i am gonna do this, i’m gonna talk to that hot girl over there. but when i actually come to the situation i just freeze and wanna punch myself in the head as a result of that freeze. i know there are ways through this and i know it takes time and learning.

Conrad Dixon says:

Oh hell yeah,

just as you’ve mentioned… the RUSH is part of the fun!

The best rush is approaching women direct, you know, the “saw you from over there, you’re cute, had to come say hi”, but you say it with pure dominance.

she MELTS in front of you with a girly “oh… thanks!” NOTHING BEATS THAT!

Peace,

Conrad

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