Now Is Not a Good Time to Approach Her. And It Never Will Be.

by Eric Disco
May 12

Every day, every moment, every first step requires bravery.

I step onto the train. There are people around me everywhere. Everywhere living their lives.

It is time for me to live mine.

But there are always excuses. There is always a reason for postponement. There is always something more to learn, more information to gather.

I cannot do this. And I never could.

Failure stands like a monument in your path. The world’s reflection of you. It always comes down to you, a you not enough.

You are not smart enough. You are not gifted enough. You are not handsome enough. You are not strong enough. You are lack fortitude.

You can’t do it.

You cower like a mouse in the face of it.

It stands there waiting to be opened. It stands there, a thousand miles high.

It is always and always will be the very first stumbling block.

You claim you can’t do it because you’ve never done it before.

What is it?

It is the first step.

It is walking out onto that cliff. And stepping over.

That first step will always exist. Even when you’ve taken a thousand steps, that first step will taunt you and call to you.

Does it get easier? Does it go away? Is there any consolation?

No. Aboslute no. There is only willingness to accept it ALL. All of the feeling.

Your intention in coming here was to get over that fear. You want it to be easy. You want to get over it. You want to not have to feel the fear any more.

This is the consistent theme.

How can I get around the fear? How can I make this easier for myself? How can I get what I want, the goal, and not have to feel this discomfort?

And then you take that first step. And then you take that first step again. And you take that first step again.

And again.

And again.

The fear reveals itself to you as not the problem, but the final challenge. The very stuff that life is made of.

The very thing you’ve been avoiding for as long as you possibly could.

You’ve avoided living.

And when you no longer avoid living, you change. But it’s not a change into some person you’ve always wanted to be. No, this isn’t it.

You become the person, who you truly already are.

You become solid, more of what makes you you.

You become confident.

You project outward.

You is no longer a face you show to your closest friends and family, but a consistent person, a personality that does not waver, regardless of who is in your presence.

It’s been said that there is no way to learn to build a house until you build a house.

You must be willing to fuck it up, and fuck it up royally.

Sure, we all know that an important aspect of learning is making mistakes. But it is the only way to build true confidence.

Confidence comes from having fucked it up so many times that the true you still shines through. That is all that is left in the end.

You pick up books and try to learn from them. Try to learn the way to engage her.

It is a noble pursuit.

The gathering of information has been your life’s work; it is what got you this far. Fail to plan and plan to fail. Gather as much information as possible before taking action.

Plan out every word, every move, every counter-move, and then take the action.

You are a wise, wise person. Nobody is saying otherwise.

But you have built yourself into a trap.

The bricks and mortar that console you have become your fortress of solitude.

Meeting women is not like other activities. You can learn to cook, program a computer, play chess, all on your own. But social skills require you to be in the moment.

To see exactly where you are, right now, and take action. Right now. To be the truest you you can possibly be.

You have already practiced way too much. Way too much. You have practiced not being you. You have practiced hiding your true self.

Your true self is who you are right now in the moment interacting with the world as a confident person.

Your thinking and rethinking tears down your confidence. It is why you got into this mess in the first place.

Stop thinking. And start living. And the only way to do that is to do it right now.

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posted in Acceptance

COMMENTS
7 responses
Liberator says:

Best post you’ve ever made. Period.

Seriously, Eric, you are changing people’s lives. Saying thank you doesn’t even begin to describe how much appreciation I have for what you’re doing. Keep it up man.

B says:

I’ve been following your blog for a short bit and all you have to say is right on! Thanks for encouraging others including myself to continually live in the present moment, learn by experience, and with courage.

Dan says:

Great post mate.

Nathan says:

Yo Erik!

Here in Sweden we are really loving your blog posts!

keep up the great work!

/ Nathan

June says:

Bravo Eric.

Anonymous says:

Excellent Eric.

Alf says:

Going thru your site now… everything just resonates !

Just wanted to make sure there are many people who go thru your site days, months, and years later – like me – and, although the post was made quite some time ago,

I just have to say : awesome writing ! look forward to keeping up to date with your blog !

alf

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