It was the summer of 1933 and Albert Ellis had a problem: He could not talk to women.

And he was quite angry at himself about it.

Albert Ellis loved psychology. He studied it a lot. He would later go on to become one of the most influential psychotherapists in history, among Carl Rogers and Sigmund Freud (Wikipedia).

But in 1933, Albert Ellis was quite angry at himself because he could not talk to women.

“I was born and reared to be shy and scared.” says Ellis of his upbringing. “Throughout my childhood and teens I had a real social phobia.

“I viewed public speaking as a fate worse than public masturbation. I opened my physically large mouth only among a group of my close friends. I avoided telling jokes for fear of flubbing the punch lines.

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Question:

What kind of person just goes up to someone and just wants to say hi? She’ll think I’m after something and her defense will go up.

Response:

It is weird to just walk up to people and talk to them.

Also, she’ll probably think you’re crazy.

She’ll think you’re trying to sell her something.

And she’s probably too hot, a girl like that gets hit on 50 times a day.

Or maybe she’s not hot enough, you want someone you’re REALLY attracted to.

Or she’s too busy.

She’s not your type.

She’ll think you’re a stalker. Continue Reading »

Every day, every moment, every first step requires bravery.

I step onto the train. There are people around me everywhere. Everywhere living their lives.

It is time for me to live mine.

But there are always excuses. There is always a reason for postponement. There is always something more to learn, more information to gather.

I cannot do this. And I never could.

Failure stands like a monument in your path. The world’s reflection of you. It always comes down to you, a you not enough.

You are not smart enough. You are not gifted enough. You are not handsome enough. You are not strong enough. You are lack fortitude.

You can’t do it. Continue Reading »

Today’s post is by my good friend, Lance Mason, the founder of Pickup 101.

You’re at her door.It’s late.

It’s getting later.

She looks up at you, leans in, and you kiss.

“Well, I guess I should go,” she says.

“Yep. I had a great time,” you say.

“Me too!” she says and smiles. Waiting. Standing there, as it’s getting later.

“Have a good night,” you say, and walk away.

And the first few steps you are happy, until something hits you.

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You can do a lot of things at home.

You can eat. You can sleep.

You can work. You can read.

You can fuck. You can play video games.

You can watch movies. You can go on the internet.

But you do not live at home. You begin to live when you walk out your front door.

You begin to live when you interact with the world.

How much time do you spend at home alone?

When I started learning how to meet people I didn’t know, I would sometimes feel depressed after a while being out. Continue Reading »