It Is IMPOSSIBLE to Approach Her
by 
Eric Disco
Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like anxiety.
My heart doesn’t race. My palms don’t sweat. I don’t get light-headed. My throat doesn’t constrict.
But it is there. Like an invisible wall.
My feet will not move forward.
I stand there on the crowded subway platform. I promised myself I would talk to a girl today. Just ask for directions. That’s all.
But I can’t. I physically cannot walk up to her and ask for directions.
What is going on with me?
I see a lot of guys who struggle to do their first approach. It seems like such a simple thing to walk up to a girl and say “Hey, I just wanted to come say hi.”
But your body doesn’t let you.
It doesn’t matter how badly you want to do it, how many promises you make to yourself, how much you resolve to do it.
It is the same fear that prevents you from stepping off of a cliff. And it feels just as strong. So you don’t approach her.
And THAT’S GOOD.
DO NOT DO IT.
I am telling you right now.
You will hurt yourself if you do.
What would happen if you walked into a gym and, without ever having weight-training, you decided you wanted to bench-press 250 pounds?
You would fail.
You would not be able to.
And if you tried, you would probably hurt yourself.
Even if you were a naturally big and athletic guy and you could lift it once or twice, you wouldn’t be able to keep it up. You certainly wouldn’t be able to do it tomorrow.
And you know that.
So what do guys do?
They scale back to 235 lbs. Start easy, right?
WRONG.
C’mon, I don’t even need to finish this post. You know exactly where this is going.
Do something MANAGEABLE, something you can do every day. And get stronger.
Step One: Go to the fucking gym. This is step one. Step one isn’t lift lighter weights. Step one is the hardest part. Get your lazy ass out to the gym. This means get out there on a regular schedule meeting women, regardless of what action you are taking once you are out there. Nothing will happen until your feet are moving. Just get out. Don’t approach anyone. Just get out regularly.
Step Two: Start with lighter weights, something manageable, something you can do a whole bunch of times. I know I know, we all want to lift 250 pounds. Well guess what? You aren’t strong enough. And even if you could do it once, it would kill you. Start with something light, like asking people for directions. Do a whole bunch of these at the same time every day and come back in a week or two.
Step Three: Wow, asking people for directions wasn’t as easy as it seems, especially at the start. But you did it. Okay great, we’ve built up some confidence. Now start increasing the weight because you KNOW you can do more. Notice I didn’t say, after a week, do 250 pounds. Build up your confidence first. Go out for two or three weeks. Then start to introduce yourself to women.
I did this.
I STILL DO THIS. If I haven’t approached for a while and I feel rusty, my first step is to just go out. Then I do some warm-up approaches. And then I start approaching.
Don’t pretend you’re superman.
When you finally do start benching that 250 pounds–and you will–you’ll feel better than superman.
Because you can look back at the person you used to be, and know that you built your confidence the only way it is possible: one step at a time.
Want more details on how to make this work successfully?
Download my free e-book here.
This is the best book I’ve ever read in the community. Do not underestimate the techniques in this book! – LJP
Posted in Ramp Up | 
5 Comments »
That was awesome, very good advice. Pushing yourself just a LITTLE bit outside your comfort zone is good, but trying to go way over all at once is asking to get burned in such a way as to make you NEVER want to try that again, and so it’ll make it so much harder to do it next time.
By the way, I’m doing your 60 day program from your book–at least 1 approach per day for 60 days. It’s great, it gets way easier, you get a lot better at opening, and it does help build your confidence which makes you more attractive.
Cheers,
Shaman
Action cures the fear fellas. I used to be paralysed when it came to socializing with anyone, and its been a long road, but I can now open anyone. I still get the doubts and nervousness, but I fight through like we all should.
I still got a long road ahead me, but i am improving myself every day.
Thanks eric,
Relentless D
[...] It Is IMPOSSIBLE to Approach Her From: approachanxiety.com Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like anxiety.My heart doesn’t race. My palms don’t sweat. I don’t get light-headed. My throat doesn’t constrict. » more 1 [...]
I could totally relate. I needed something good to read after what happened to me today.
well, there I was, at lunch hour, waiting at a quiet cornershop, not too far from my office, waiting for my toasted sanwich to get made up when suddenly there she was. And I mean, she’s toatally a drop-dead gorgeous young babe. She seemed so unapproachable. i mean, look at her face, the look just says “don’t approach me”. She’s the kind of girl you’d wanna show of to your best mates at next weeks party. She’s a young student, part time model. She was standing outside the shop, just hovering, cigarette in hand, all on her ownsome. Me, the girl, the sidewalk and no-one else at that moment in time.
What’s even more crazy is that I ACTUALLY KNOW WHO THIS GIRL IS. I Mean she works in the same company as me, just in a different department, and we’ve never spoken, but I have seen her around my office and I hope to hell she’s also seen me.
It’s almost been 1 year since i’ve done the Art of Rapport and Daygame Workshop and I can’t believe I cannot muster up the courage to approach this beauty. My head says yes, my body stops me in pain, my breath quickens. I cannot approach this girl.
I’ve spent the rest of this afternoon and this evening in a very down mood. Perfect opportunity missed! Who knows if there will ever be another opportunity as ripe for the picking as this one with that girl. I’m relying on this moment re-creating itself. I go over in my head over 100 times what I would have done in hindsight, from my body language, to my positioning and stance, to the words that would spill out of my mouth. In hindsight yes, in reality, no.
I pray to god i get this opportunity again, becasue the next time I sure as hell won’t be messing it up.
I resolve tonight to blast through my AA and get on track again, like I was when I finished the Art of Rapport Workshop.
Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day, and a new start. I will seize the opportunity to redeeem myself from the crippling bout of AA that has inflicted my system, and I resolve to root it out!
Thanks Eric for that article, and I took the advice to heart today. Let me tell you my success story.
Today I set a goal that was manageable, something I believed I can do. I went to the shopping mall today and I set a goal to approach 3 beautiful women and ask for the directions/the current time. And I saw one walking towards me, and normally I would look down or look away, but this time I really wanted those directions no matter who I asked, and I looked at her right in the eyes and said “hey there, do you have the time?” and she cracked a small smile and said “Umm, sure, it’s 12:47pm” and then I said “Thank you so much, you have a nice day now.” and then I walked away! It felt SO good and I really did it! What I did would have been thought of as impossible if you asked me 6 months ago (or even 2 months ago) to ask a woman for directions/the time.
The second woman was in the distance about to get up from a chair, and she was walking in the same direction as me (her back was turned on me) and she was sooo hot with brown hair and a LV bag and the tightest jeans, so I walked up to her, tapped her shoulder and said “hey there, you seem like the fashionable type, do you know where I can find American Eagle?” and she gave me a puzzled look and said “I’m sorry I don’t know where it is. So sorry” and then I said “That’s okay, thanks anyway. See you.”
The third woman was actually the easiest one to approach (since I have done 2 approaches already), but by no stretch of the imagination any less beautiful than the first two women, she was checking out some underwear at La Senza and I said “Hey there, do you know what time it is?” and she looked at her watch, gave a smile and said “It’s 1:05pm” and I said “thanks so much, bye.” and walked away.
I noticed that in all 3 approaches, the women were smiling and giving out positive and cheerful reactions to my questions and I thought that was very nice and opened my eyes a whole lot. I’m going to keep doing this until I can raise the bar a little more, and then I’ll be Don Pedro DeMarco, oh yea! Thanks Eric you kick some serious ass with your material. Love your eBook.