I have had a girl chastise me for not taking her out much during our relationship, and I agree that I may have been a little cheap in hindsight, but even with learning from that mistake, I still can recognize that a date, especially the first date, is about furthering connection, not some “girl applies standard of how she thinks man should act/how much he should pay,” because this shows how little they care anout actual connection/compatibility. If I am on a date, I want it to be low pressure fun/conversation where we can get to know each other better, and it seems reasonable that a girl should want this too.

Any decision to go somewhere after or for me to pay later should feel natural, not like an obligation (exactly how if we hook up at the end of the night, she shouldn’t feel forced because she ordered something super expensive and I had to pay for it)

I think we give too much importance to the “first date”, I don’t really care for that, I feel special enough with the guy wanting to spend some one on one time with me, even if it is over Starbucks or a walk by the beach. I think we are missing the point here, which is to get to know each other and really try to find out if you are compatible enough to begin a relationship, or who knows, maybe you just click as friends and stay that way.

Here’s an example, I’m going on a “first date” today. We are going to the shooting range and then to get a bite somewhere.

I see nothing in here that’s offensive, or objectionable. It says: Go somewhere fun and low-key, and essentially don’t try to buy the girl. It also says that the interaction between the guy and the girl is what’s important–not the other stuff (i.e. $$$$).

Not sure what this has to do with one-night stands, or serious relationships? Advice here can work for either.

Unless by ‘effort in getting to know someone’ you mean forking over the dough? What if I just gave you the dough, dispensed with the frills, and we went back to my place? Oh wait a minute…..there’s a word for that….

–Lee