10 Rules for the Perfect First Date
April 2nd, 2008 by 
Eric Disco
You just met an amazing girl.
Wow.
This girl is different from all the others.
You’ve been on dates before, but they didn’t really mean anything compared to this girl.
Now it’s ON!
All of a sudden you start to scramble.
Where to go? What to do?
You ask your friends. You search the internet.
What do you do on the perfect date????
Here are ten rules to make this simple and easy.
Spend as Little Money On Her As Possible. You don’t want to pick up an expensive tab for a woman. It sets up the wrong tone. If things happen, she wants to feel like she did it because she wanted to, not because she felt obligated. The date is about getting to know each other, not you showing off how much money you have. If we meet for drinks, I’ll pay for their first round. I’ll say “I’m paying for the first round; you pay for the next five.” And I let her pay for the next round of drinks. Believe me, it won’t put her in the poor house.
Never Take Her Out to Dinner On the First Date. If you pay for dinner, you end up pressuring her. If you split the bill, you could look cheap. But aside from this, if you’re sitting across from her having dinner, it leads into the traditional relationship where you’re a suitor and she’s evaluating you. Meeting for drinks or coffee sets you apart. You are seeing if you like her as much as she is seeing if she likes you.
Make It As Low-Pressure As Possible When you Invite Her Out. A “date” is a pressure cooker of expectations. When I set it up, I don’t call it a date. I tell her we’re meeting for “a drink”–singular–not “drinks.” I usually follow up the invitation with “and you better not get me drunk and take advantage of me” or “…if you think you can handle it.”
Don’t Take Her Out on a Friday or Saturday Night. On those nights, you’re competing with all the noise and all the partying. She will expect high-energy fun. I prefer a Thursday night or a Sunday night when the expectations are relaxed. Other non-weekend nights of the week are good also.
Take Her Somewhere Quiet. If you met her at a loud bar or club, you want to get her out of that environment for the date. You don’t want to meet up with her again at a loud place. You want to go somewhere quiet where you can sit and connect. The first date is for getting to know each other.
Take Her Somewhere Comfortable. Find a place with couches. You want to sit next to her, not across from her, so there can be a lot of physical contact. Avoid awkward hard chairs, or sitting across from each other at a table.
Take Your Dates to the Same Place Every Time. I take all my dates to the same place. It’s a cool bar, a little bit of a dive feel, but there’s artwork hanging up. There are couches in the back. And it’s usually not too loud. I’ve been going to this place for years. I’ve had a lot of success there, so I feel really comfortable there, like I’m in my living room.
Never Meet Up With Your Friends or Her Friends. Unless it was agreed on from the start that it would be that kind of date, do not meet up with her friends or your friends under any circumstances. It’s the kiss of death. If she wants to meet up with her friends, I would leave her at that point. It seems innocuous but I’ve had more than a few dates ruined by this. If she really likes you, she will be alone with you.
Find a Place Not Too Far from Your House. If things start to happen, you want to be within distance of your place. There is nothing wrong with going back to your place on the first date. If you do take her back to your place, you’ll want an excuse. Any old excuse will do. The idea is that you don’t want her to have to take responsibility for the interaction.
No Matter How Awesome and Special She Seems, Don’t Try to Make the Date Extra Exciting. When you meet a fucking amazing woman and you’re going to go out with her, you may feel like you have to take her on a really cool date, like jet skiing around the statue of liberty. And then trampolining in central park. No, I don’t care how fucking hot she is. Have boring drinks or coffee in your favorite spot.
This shows how much you value yourself that you can do something low-key on the first date. Sure, you could play pool or miniature golf or do karaoke. That’s okay.
But the point is that YOU are what’s interesting on the date. Your interaction with her should be the focus, not showing her a good time.
If she’s meeting with you for a date, she is already attracted to you. You don’t need to show her how fun you are by taking her somewhere exciting. In fact, the more boring the surroundings are, the more you can connect with each other and get to know each other.
Posted in First Dates | 
55 Comments »
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:46 pm
wow this is really cool. I never know what to do on first dates.
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:10 pm
This is great stuff, Eric. Through some insane trial and error, I’ve managed to get most of these right. But I’ve broken all the rules before, often at once.
All of your posts and podcasts have been a huge help to me. Keep them coming.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:30 am
You have a lot of good ideas, but and I agree with all but the first one. As a woman, I would be slightly offended if a guy just expects me to pick up the tab for the next round. If I offer that’s one thing, but if he asked me out, he shouldn’t also be asking me to dip into my wallet. If I suggested we hang out it’s another story. Call me old fashioned, but its just IMO.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:47 am
I think this is generally good advice, and yet the love of my life spent tons of money on our first date. However, he’s from another culture where they don’t date, so he really didn’t know what to do. One of my favorite things about him is that he’s brave enough to put himself in that kind of situation…
April 4th, 2008 at 12:51 am
Yea, as for the first date, tat is cool, wat happens after that, the 2nd and 3rd date. Do i follow the same list or is there more…thanks..nice comments BTw
April 4th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Any guy who announced that I had to pay for anything would see my backside instantly!That would be the end of the attraction .
April 4th, 2008 at 9:29 am
You’re feisty, I like that!
Attraction has nothing to do with how much money you make or are willing to spend on her. Women are attracted to you for who you are as a person. They are attracted to your confidence and ability to lead. They are emotionally drawn to you when you can connect with her and challenge her–and appreciate her as a person.
If a woman insists that you need to spend a lot of money on her, you are doing the wrong thing. DO NOT spend a lot of money on women you do not know. That turns you into a sugardaddy. And no, sugardaddies don’t get laid. They get used for their money while their women sleep with bad boys like me.
The first date is chill. Have a drink with her. The women I’m with usually offer to pay for the second round. That’s because I act like a challenge around them and everything is fun for them. Women want a challenge. They want to feel that if they were slightly less awesome than they are, they wouldn’t have gotten me. We all want that challenge.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:48 am
For me, the second or third date is a bit different. I will sometimes do something a bit more fun, like play pool, or karaoke or whatever. But I do it because I want to have a good time. I already know her pretty well. The difference is that on the first date, you want to get to know her as a person. The point is that I am purposefully NOT trying to impress her on the first date. Trying to impress her on the first date makes me look desperate.
On the second or third date you still do not want to spend a lot of money on her. Spending a lot of money on a woman often backfires. If you are in a relationship with her, the situation changes. You still don’t want to shower her monetarily, but you can spend money on her in certain situations. The rules change a bit. But this is after you are in a relationship.
April 4th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
wow, pat.
it doesn’t sound like you know what you’re talking about. it doesn’t sound like you know what you’re thinking. what it sounds like is you need to stop being such a snob. I hope every guy only ever sees you turn your backside.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Great, now you tell me. Where were you 10 years ago!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
For the most part I agree with you Eric, and this is speaking as a woman. But there are a few things I need to clarify:
On spending money on her:
I agree that you shouldn’t spend loads of money on her, especially early on. Take her somewhere inexpensive, that is totally fine. But you should still offer to pay, especially if you’re the one who asked her out. If she’s cool, she’ll offer to split it or buy a round, and if that’s the case, by all means let her. But be prepared to pay yourself. If you expect her to pay, she will get turned off, I can guarantee that.
On impressing her:
Trying too hard does make guys look desperate, but be careful that you try enough. If you don’t try to impress her (at all), you’ll seem disinterested, like she’s not anyone special and not worth his effort. Trust me, girls notice when you do little things to impress her (like hygiene, being a gentleman, dressing nicely, being interested in her). Girls usually spend hours trying to impress guys on the first date, by doing hair and makeup, getting the perfect outfit, etc, and we like guys to at least put in a bit of effort too.
On the location of a date:
There’s nothing wrong with going to a boring place for a date, but there is a huge difference between a boring venue and a boring date. If you are really into each other, a great conversation and a fun time can happen anywhere. But you run the risk of awkward moments. In any first date, people get nervous and sometimes say stupid things or don’t know what to talk about. The environment you are in can act as a buffer, providing distractions while you collect your thoughts and providing topics of conversation in a lull. The more boring a location, the riskier the date – could go terribly, could go amazing. If you want something safer, go somewhere a little more interesting.
April 5th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Thank you, Allie. Excellent clarifying comments. I totally agree.
Eric
April 5th, 2008 at 5:06 am
I’ve found great success taking girls bowling on a first date. You get to interact and have a lot of fun together – works everytime for me.
April 5th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
An extra point on not taking her out to dinner – You can’t really cut a dinner short if it’s not going well. You’ll probably be into the meal when you realize you want nothing to do with the person across from you, and at that point you still have to finish eating and wait for the bill. It’s a lot easier to extend a drink or a coffee than it is to cut short a dinner.
And I’ve always preferred a short first date – leave her wanting more.
April 6th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
This is an awesome post! I have experienced some it myself and now I see it as a perfect collection. I totally agree with not taking her for an expensive dinner at beginning. she takes that you are want to impress her with money instead of your personality and subsequently means you have an incompetent and weak personality
thanks for the nice post eric
April 6th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
[...] 10 Rules for the Perfect First Date From: approachanxiety.com You just met an amazing girl.Wow.This girl is different from all the others. » more 1 [...]
April 6th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Take Your Dates to the Same Place Every Time. I take all my dates to the same place. It’s a cool bar, a little bit of a dive feel, but there’s artwork hanging up. There are couches in the back. And it’s usually not too loud. I’ve been going to this place for years. I’ve had a lot of success there, so I feel really comfortable there, like I’m in my living room.
———-
Tacky…no wonder you have to have so many dates. Shame you haven’t learned anything about women.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:20 am
These are all great, great pieces of advice. You could write an entire book on the first point alone. The “to pay or not to pay” issue is indeed a complex one, and can be a point during the date that could make or break a relationship. You can usually tell before even going out on a date what type of a girl she will be; that is, whether she expects you to pay (avoid this type).
With a lot of girls, even trying to pay for them makes them uncomfortable. It’s definitely important to recognize that and learn what she is comfortable with in terms of picking up a tab, buying that 2nd movie ticket, etc.
April 7th, 2008 at 4:03 am
People please, what’s all this with the hater comments?? Criticize if you want but be constructive, stop feeling so attacked.
Eric’s advice is most the time honest, practical and probably field-tested (I hope :) ).
Wim
April 7th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
As a chick I totally agree with this. PLEASE, single men everywhere, read this! If I date a guy, I’m usually trying to keep it low key. I usually will not agree to dinner for a first date, but I’ll be up for “a drink” somewhere cool and casual. I feel SO MUCH MORE comfortable if I pay for half the drinks. If the dude gets his pride all hurt over that it just shows me that he’s immature and insecure. And no, I don’t want the moon on a first date. I just want to see who you are. I want to see if you’re intelligent and insightful and if can talk with you. THANKS FOR WRITING THIS! I was thinking, “Here we go, another article filled with macho shit about how to pick up women” but I was wrong. This is right on!!
April 9th, 2008 at 10:30 am
I was also thinking this would be some douche ranting online about stupid “tips” on a good date, but this is very realistic and reasonable advice. I do a lot of these things as it is but there are a few, like never meeting up with friends, that I do… but I also don’t consider it a “date” just getting to know her before I decide if I actually want to take her out for real.
Great advice fella! Thanks for typing it up because I know plennnnty of my guy friends who need to read this
May 6th, 2008 at 8:28 am
[...] You just met an amazing girl. She’s different from all the others. You ’ve been on dates, but they didn’t mean anything compared to this girl. All of a sudden you start to scramble. Where to go? What to do? You ask your friends. You search the internet. What do you do on the perfect date???? Here are ten rules to make this simple and easy.read more | digg story [...]
June 4th, 2008 at 12:14 am
“This shows how much you value yourself that you can do something low-key on the first date. Sure, you could play pool or miniature golf or do karaoke. That’s okay.” I agree, it would actually be more cool that way!
July 6th, 2008 at 12:50 am
you hit it right on the head.. Coffee first, or a drink.. I like a blanket under a tree in the park with some fruit.. My buddy Gina and I have a pact. Neither of us will spend more than 40 dollars combined on dates before we knock boots with them.. This is NYC and were both getting play for under 40 bucks, over 2 or 3 dates.. Interested, tuned in and connected sure, depserate, and eager to please no flippin way…
August 10th, 2008 at 1:12 am
Pathetic. You have to work this hard to remove every single detail that could possible force you to – gulp – improvise or reveal some actual part of your personality; I imagine you’d go to pieces if your lady friend suggested anything out of your pitiful little comfort zone.
Puss. I have no respect for men – or women – who live in fear.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I just love it when women say “if he asks me out, he should pay.” That’s such a cop out. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem buying some drinks on our first date, but let’s face it, the system works such that the guy has to ask the girl out. If a girl wants to go out with a guy, she’ll flirt with him and show interest until he asks. If he doesn’t pick up the cues, there’s not going to be a date. Yes, some girls have the balls to ask him out, but they’re rare.
For good looking guys, the type that women are attracted to just by looking at them, don’t use the line “…if you think you can handle it.” It just comes across as cocky.
Great stuff Eric. It’s pretty much exactly how I do all my first dates.
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:35 am
Hats off for the great post :) I always took it for granted that the first date was to get to know one another over coffee or something. Usually this involved “chaired” places, but that will change in the near future :)
Wish you the best of luck with the ladies
/Wander
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
This has to be the stupidest thing I have ever read – no wonder men are so lazy these days. Really bad advice unless all you are looking for is a one night stand.
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Good list, I love getting comments like Samantha’s on my page as well… bashing men and telling everyone it’s bad advice.
She doesn’t even realize that she wouldn’t be attracted to someone if they swooned all over her… in her mind, that might be what she THINKS she wants.
But in reality, that’s not how things are.
Best
November 5th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I agree with some of these tips, but I disagree both about the “be a challenge” tip and the “don’t pay”
When I go out on a date, I don’t expect the guy to pay. Especially if it’s something expensive (although I’m the kind of girl that rather would go for coffee instead of fancy dining on the first date). However, if the guy pays without asking me, it’s a gesture that tells me he’s a gentlemen. It’s not about the money he spends, or the inclination that he “has a lot of money” or “honey, you’ll never have to work, I can take care of you”. I don’t know how it is in other countries (I live in Norway), but women around here are not used to getting some “extra attention” from men, like them opening doors for you, remembering how I like my coffe or just remembering something about you. It’s about paying attention without going over the top. It’s the little things we women looks at.
And be very aware of “trying to be a challenge”. Most men like the little challenge – the hunt – of getting a girl. We women usually get insecure when this happens. “He doesn’t like me, I’ll just give up” is a common thought among women, I think. It’s about finding that fine line between not showing any interest and showing that you’re head over heels for her. Be relaxed, be yourself and give her a little extra attention (without overdoing it!).
Women today are strong, confident and can manage themselves. That’s why it feels so good to be courted upon sometimes.
November 5th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
ummm. guys. this really isn’t the best advice. some of it is alright but alot of it is just so “play it safe”. girls LIKE stimulation and new and different dates. we LIKE to be pampered for a night. we LIKE to meet your friends. we LIKE going to dinner. i dunno…just don’t worry so much and be real. we will fall hard if you guys out there just take a chance and be genuine.
November 7th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I think some of your ideas are super but I disagree with a few. It is definitely good advice not to spend a lot of money on a first date, so you don’t look like you’re trying to buy your lady friend. But I agree with all of the other ladies who have said challenging her to pay is a bad tactic. Not all girls are gold diggers, but you still never want to look cheap on the first date. If you are a nice, interesting person like you say, there will be plenty of time for things not to be one sided, like when she makes you dinner or takes you someplace interesting after she is comfortable around you.
Also, asking a girl out on Sunday isn’t a great idea either. It would seem like you aren’t willing to waste your weekend time getting to know her, so you give up your Sunday, which is a bullshit day anyway. Thursday though isn’t that bad of an idea.
Don’t scoff. I’m a girl in a long term relationship. I know what formula works and what doesn’t.
November 7th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I do not agree with this advice for the most part. I think *most* guys actually do the “just drinks/coffee” first date and while I may still genuinely enjoy myself it does tend to make me think that he will always put minimum effort into his dates/relationships. However, I do completely agree that going to over-the-top like taking a helicopter ride for a first date is way too much – it would leave me wondering how this man could ever up the ante if he were to ever fall in love with me and in reality, could end up making me feel less special (as if he’s just using money instead of charm).
I really think that dinner at a unique local spot that is moderately priced (I think $15-20 a person, without drinks, is a good expectation) with great ambiance (soft lighting, chill music, comfortable seating) is the perfect first date spot.
However, a walk in the park and ice cream/hot cocoa (depending on weather) is cheap, different than usual and romantic…..it would be a very nice first date or any number date for that matter.
November 8th, 2008 at 8:59 am
This couldn’t be more wrong. The only one I agree with is not to meet up with friends.
As a forty-something woman, I want to know a man is seriously interested in me. He should absolutely take me to dinner. Anything else I interpret as cheap.
I’ve been out with guys who obviously take his dates to the same place, and it’s such a huge turnoff when the bartender knows his drink and looks at me like “here goes another one.” Awful.
He should be considerate and take me someplace close to MY house so I don’t have to drive too far. No one is going to anyone else’s house on the first date in my book. If it gets that passionate, I don’t think you’ll mind a drive to get to where you want to be.
Check out my own thoughts on dating in my blog, Unwritten. You’ll find some of my tips (opposite of these) here: http://myunwrittenpages.blogspot.com/2007/09/how-to-get-date-with-woman-youve-never.html
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
THIS IS HORRIBLE ADVICE!
if you took me on a date, i’d never go out with you again.
November 28th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Any guy who announced that I had to pay for anything would see my backside instantly!That would be the end of the attraction .
If all I ever had to do was tell a girl she had to pay in order to see her backside…boy would I be one rich, happy man.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
There is nothing wrong with this advice what-so-ever, although if the girl was particularly “amazing” and truly “different from all the others” as the beginning of the article suggests, then I wouldn’t mind going a little extra further to make an impression. HOWEVER- very, very few women had ever impressed me enough that I placed them in that category.
Now, to all of the men that are reading the hateful comments by all of the “girls” that made the spiteful posts; do not take any of it to heart. These women do not care ONE BIT about who you are as an individual or what values make you who you are. The comments like “if I have to pay for anything you’ll see my backside” or “no wonder men are lazy” are red lights that confirm that they are only interested in what other individuals are able to give to them, not not about what they are willing to give up to find a little happiness. These women believe that their vaginas are magical, and laced with gold and silk, and the fact that they are even standing in the same room with you somehow constitutes that you need to be buying them 7$ cocktails just to find out a little about who they are.
You could be everything they ever hoped for in a man…intelligent, considerate, reliable, venturesome, headstrong, RICH…but because you didn’t drop that extra dime ON THE VERY FIRST DATE then they’re going to show you what’s what and and walk right out the door. Let ‘em. As a man, the only thing you owe them on that first date is to make sure they get back to their apartment/house unharmed.
To Dee from Norway: No ma’am, this type of behavior seems to be mostly prevalent here in the states. Somewhere along the way most of our women left and were replaced with self-proclaimed princesses. Luckily enough I had a chance to meet a wonderful lady who not only broke the mold, she killed the mold-maker just to make sure.
Gentlemen: Good luck on the dating, remember that if YOU are not happy then you’re doing yourself a great disservice.
Women: No hard feelings, just looking out for my homies.
January 15th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
This is the DUMBEST advice I have ever read. It practically goes against nearly all the rules. It doesn’t have to be extravagent, but there are certain expectations that men AND women must live by.
Stop being a cheap lazy bastard and get over yourself
March 1st, 2009 at 10:35 am
Tut tut tut. All about the women.
Put them on a pedestal and watch them act like princesses.
Ladies your do-do smells to.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I think this is a great idea. I have always been one to take a girl out to an expensive resteraunt and spend a lot of money on them. It ends up being a 3-4 year relationship and they drain me financially and I am the one left with all the bills. This sounds like a way to weed out the gold diggers. I have a date coming up with someone I met online and she is coming from 9 am till 3pm to visit for the first time. I think i may splurg and take her somewhere cheap to eat, somewhere we can both eat for under 20. Then maybe a nice walk in the park with is just 2 min. from my house and then back to the house because I am hoping to get lucky. I am a lesbian and paying the bill is awkward when it is two women. Do you think that is overdoing it on a first date? I am hoping to get some after the park, because she has been teasing me for months sending me nude pics and emails.
May 27th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
I wish I knew about the “no dinner” rule about 20 years ago. With all the money I spent on dinner dates, only to never see the girl again, I would have been a millionaire by now.
good stuff
September 17th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
This is a bunch of fucking sexist bullshit….”spend as little as possible on her.” Not all women are gold diggers…and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to be a cheap pig looking for a quick hot bang. And I’m all for going dutch and returning the favor of being taken out to a fancy restaurant. You just assume that all women expect to be paid for like we’re too incompetent to have money ourselves and think men have some responsibility that women shouldn’t.
The grotesque chauvinistic illustrations of women as half naked twits says it all. I’m getting sick of this rape culture. Why can’t we have sexual equality???
September 17th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
because sexual equality might never actually be achieved. so get over it. Men chase women and that’s how nature wanted it to be. also men and women are DIFFERENT. and it was nature the one who gave both different roles.
September 17th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Rape Culture? Where the hell do you live, with all the goof ball rappers?
Damn, the way things have been going, we can’t even figure out What kind of culture we are half the time. What need to be done is that we need to throw out all the BS that society, and the pissed off miserable people who run it, have heaped upon us, and get back to a set up where it’s about Masculine and Feminine energy and how they naturally complement each other.
That’s the way it was in the beginning, through most of time (until a bunch of idiots with Cranial-Rectal Inversions took over), and how it should be.
September 17th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
What are you trying to say? You want guys to pay for women, or you don’t? You can’t have it both ways.
I love to engage in healthy debate, especially with people who consider themselves feminist, but your rant doesn’t make any sense. You’re spouting hateful nonsense. You attack anything that has to do with men and sexuality. It’s puritanism without Jesus.
If you really want to change things for the better, try toning down the rhetoric and instead engage in productive conversations with men as so many of my other feminist friends have. Try treating people with respect.
From my past experience, the people who have had the most impact on me were by example. I had a friend in college who was vegan, but he was much less judgmental or preachy than any other vegan I came across. I went vegetarian for 8 years after living with him–without him preaching a word to me.
A lesbian with whom I did activist work was devout in her Christian faith. She talked about people and situations with such love and compassion that I even considered going to church services with her, something I thought I would never do on a million years.
Even on this blog, I can talk about a million techniques with women, but guys relate the most when I talk about real experiences and how I myself struggle.
Teach by example. If you want men to treat women with more respect, try treating other people with respect.
I consider myself feminist although I disagree with a good portion of modern feminist theory. Some of the women I’m seeing are feminists and we get into spirited debates. They’ve even changed my mind about a some things. I love it when someone can change my mind. It’s a beautiful thing.
Eric
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 am
Most of these tips are pretty relevant and should be taken in to consideration, but when put altogether, a lot of it would probably send a girl running!
First dates are going to be awkward. They always are – for both sides! The whole point is that you are trying to get to know each other. If you take this advice, despite it trying to prove it’s not all about the girl. It ultimate will be if you take this advice.
Maybe let the girl have a say in where you go and what you do as well? She probably has some good ideas and is probably just as willing to impress you – not all girls are waiting to be pampered and spoiled. Just make sure in the end you have a back up plan, otherwise you come off as indecisive and a little weak.
If it’s a girl you’ve just met and aren’t sure about, then a bar/cafe for a singular drink is fine – she should understand that you aren’t pulling out the stops for someone you’ve just met. Don’t try and fool yourself in to thinking she’s going home with you though – that tip is just wishful thinking.
If it’s a girl you’re pretty sure could turn in to a relationship try to show a little more effort. Try something a little different, but nothing too crazy. Day time dates where there is an activity but oppurtunity for talking is good – the zoo, beach, frisbee and picnic in the park. Then follow up with bar/cafe (switch it up from time to time – you’ll get found out eventually if you keep taking your dates to the same place)
As for the who pays part, it’s a good idea to not spend too much. Do not ask the girl to pay, but be subtle in suggesting she do her share. Even the most down to earth girls won’t be concerned if they have to do their bit but will be offended when asked out right for cash (girls are weird. fact of life). As for dates that involve a meal – boy pays if boy asked, dutch if she asked (double standards i know). And if she kicks a fuss, do you really want to be with a girl like that anyway?
Lastly, the play it cool card only works on certain girls. A lot of the time it just breeds mind games and insecurities. So unless that’s the type of relationship you’re after (O_O), it’s probably best to show a little effort to make her feel special and that you’re genuinely happy that she’s out with you. She’s probably feeling the same as you!
Everything in moderation!
October 13th, 2009 at 12:09 am
This is great, very well thought-out advice. I agree, meet for “a drink” on the first date. It’s also very helpful to know your venue, and avoid sitting across from them. Side-by-side, or on a corner table or booth is best, otherwise it’s like a face-off. Going to the same place for every date is good, but since I live in a dense city, I just try to find a place that is in her neighborhood to make it convenient.
I also agree not to spend too much money. I wouldn’t ever *suggest* that a woman pay, but them offering to trade off on buying drinks (and meaning it) is a sign of a good woman to me.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:30 am
This is some great advice from a very smart Eric. The don’t take to meet your friends or her friends is an important one. Usually the girl’s friends will try to be negative even if your are a total steal. Some women just don’t like to see their friends happier than they are. Thanks for the read, I will certainly forward this on to my guy friends.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
This is actually really….really, bad advice.
If your idea of a first date is with a stranger you want to screw later, then this is pretty good.
Why should you assume that you know nothing about someone on the first date? And so, because you are trying to figure out if they are worth sleeping with, you should make the least effort possible?
Going for drinks is a little sleazy–take a hooker for drinks, make sure it’s some place near to your apartment, so you can have a quick transaction—that’s pretty much what I read here.
February 24th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
The Spend as Little Money On Her As Possible rule is the one i keep repeating to every friend of mine. Spending money can give her a wrong idea. And if she is a money hunter you just lose time with her.
March 19th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
I usually let a guy pay first date and wont offer to go dutch unless i dont really like him that much and know i probably dont want to see him again if he immediately accepts and doesnt at least try to be chivalrous will likely seal the deal as it indicates he is either probably also not really got the intention of a second date where u could square things out a bit or if he is then he is simply tight or just not very experienced in how to make a woman feel like a woman lettin him pay gives me chance to say am takin u out next time to let him know i like him if i really like the guy it also puts me in a situation where i can pick a second date where i feel comfortable Also its nice to be treated like a woman sometimes with a bit of good old chivalry when lets face it most women have to be men at work all day we want to be reminded also if a guy cant afford to take u out the first time or at least even offer is it cos hes dating so many girls he simply cant ie hes a player its a massive turn off! And to the guy advising that woman really need to be reminded they are not that special and they need to have their esteem lowered etc bla bla bla yes if u want an insecure girl that has esteem issues which would respond positively to that behaviour i agree is a good strategy but if thats what u r lookin for in a date u probably should ask yourself y and what it says about your own esteem levels
March 24th, 2010 at 3:24 am
if a woman makes spending money on her an issue, then I feel free to ask her what business she is in. She’s actually behaving no different than a prostitute who wants to be paid upfront. But, big difference, a prostitute keeps things at least straight an honest.
August 9th, 2010 at 4:50 am
It is absolutely NOT necessary to ever spend more than $10 on a woman before having sex with her.
I have done this a number of times. In fact, if you figure out your whole game in such a way that you don’t spend much, you will succeed much, much more.
Don’t listen to all the mooching gold-diggers here – they just want a free ride, but are really attracted to the man who knows better than to spend money.
August 9th, 2010 at 4:52 am
I’m getting sick of this rape culture.
Most rape accusations are false.
Why can’t we have sexual equality???
Because you are not pretty enough for guys to be interested in you.
I always notice that it is the ugly women who whine about some imagined ‘rape’ culture, but the pretty women (the ones who actually are at risk of rape) never whine about some imagined ‘rape’ culture at all.
That tells us that ‘rape’ is just a bogus ploy that ugly women use to get attention.
August 9th, 2010 at 4:55 am
Lisa,
You don’t know anything about how women think. And no, being a woman does not mean you know how women think (quite the opposite, in fact).
As a forty-something woman, I want to know a man is seriously interested in me. He should absolutely take me to dinner.
A 40+ woman (well past her expiry date) is lucky to have any man want to spend time with her at all. Don’t be unrealistic and expect a dinner.
Your ‘tips’ on dating are so ignorant that a man should read them as an example of how to NEVER listen to a woman’s advice, especially a woman who is way to old to be interesting to most men.