10 Rules for the Perfect First Date
by 
Eric Disco
You just met an amazing girl.
Wow.
This girl is different from all the others.
You’ve been on dates before, but they didn’t really mean anything compared to this girl.
Now it’s ON!
All of a sudden you start to scramble.
Where to go? What to do?
You ask your friends. You search the internet.
What do you do on the perfect date????
Here are ten rules to make this simple and easy.
Spend as Little Money On Her As Possible. You don’t want to pick up an expensive tab for a woman. It sets up the wrong tone. If things happen, she wants to feel like she did it because she wanted to, not because she felt obligated. The date is about getting to know each other, not you showing off how much money you have. If we meet for drinks, I’ll pay for their first round. I’ll say “I’m paying for the first round; you pay for the next five.” And I let her pay for the next round of drinks. Believe me, it won’t put her in the poor house.
Never Take Her Out to Dinner On the First Date. If you pay for dinner, you end up pressuring her. If you split the bill, you could look cheap. But aside from this, if you’re sitting across from her having dinner, it leads into the traditional relationship where you’re a suitor and she’s evaluating you. Meeting for drinks or coffee sets you apart. You are seeing if you like her as much as she is seeing if she likes you.
Make It As Low-Pressure As Possible When you Invite Her Out. A “date” is a pressure cooker of expectations. When I set it up, I don’t call it a date. I tell her we’re meeting for “a drink”–singular–not “drinks.” I usually follow up the invitation with “and you better not get me drunk and take advantage of me” or “…if you think you can handle it.”
Don’t Take Her Out on a Friday or Saturday Night. On those nights, you’re competing with all the noise and all the partying. She will expect high-energy fun. I prefer a Thursday night or a Sunday night when the expectations are relaxed. Other non-weekend nights of the week are good also.
Take Her Somewhere Quiet. If you met her at a loud bar or club, you want to get her out of that environment for the date. You don’t want to meet up with her again at a loud place. You want to go somewhere quiet where you can sit and connect. The first date is for getting to know each other.
Take Her Somewhere Comfortable. Find a place with couches. You want to sit next to her, not across from her, so there can be a lot of physical contact. Avoid awkward hard chairs, or sitting across from each other at a table.
Take Your Dates to the Same Place Every Time. I take all my dates to the same place. It’s a cool bar, a little bit of a dive feel, but there’s artwork hanging up. There are couches in the back. And it’s usually not too loud. I’ve been going to this place for years. I’ve had a lot of success there, so I feel really comfortable there, like I’m in my living room.
Never Meet Up With Your Friends or Her Friends. Unless it was agreed on from the start that it would be that kind of date, do not meet up with her friends or your friends under any circumstances. It’s the kiss of death. If she wants to meet up with her friends, I would leave her at that point. It seems innocuous but I’ve had more than a few dates ruined by this. If she really likes you, she will be alone with you.
Find a Place Not Too Far from Your House. If things start to happen, you want to be within distance of your place. There is nothing wrong with going back to your place on the first date. If you do take her back to your place, you’ll want an excuse. Any old excuse will do. The idea is that you don’t want her to have to take responsibility for the interaction.
No Matter How Awesome and Special She Seems, Don’t Try to Make the Date Extra Exciting. When you meet a fucking amazing woman and you’re going to go out with her, you may feel like you have to take her on a really cool date, like jet skiing around the statue of liberty. And then trampolining in central park. No, I don’t care how fucking hot she is. Have boring drinks or coffee in your favorite spot.
This shows how much you value yourself that you can do something low-key on the first date. Sure, you could play pool or miniature golf or do karaoke. That’s okay.
But the point is that YOU are what’s interesting on the date. Your interaction with her should be the focus, not showing her a good time.
If she’s meeting with you for a date, she is already attracted to you. You don’t need to show her how fun you are by taking her somewhere exciting. In fact, the more boring the surroundings are, the more you can connect with each other and get to know each other.
Posted in First Dates | 
115 Comments »
Ok, just to let you men refrain from calling me ugly and a feminist for this opinion. I am someone who has starred in movies and had tv shows. I am an extremely beautiful woman. And I have to say, this advice sucks. But then again, I prefer men that are confident and looking for long term.
This guy is suggesting terrible advice because he doesn’t want to look desperate. He is suggesting going to the same place because he is so nervous and he’s thinking more about himself then the girl. He is suggesting going back to his place because he doesn’t care about relationships. He is not going to get a well sought after woman with this “game” behavior. He might get temporary with someone insecure. But not long term.
And if the woman is hot – trust me – there will be other people out there treating her as if she is special. She will go for someone else.
Also – this equating woman who enjoy being treated special as “gold diggers” is gross. You can do something lovely and romantic that doesn’t cost a lot. It might take a little effort, but guess what effort goes a long way.
I think this is supposed to be appealing to young men – but please don’t follow this advise. It’s horrible.
Romantic has the word romance in it. A romance begins when a man knows enough about you to want you for more than just your body. That doesn’t really happen until a man knows you’re kind, witty, generous, faithful, etc., etc., depending on his priorities. The only thing he knows about you on the first date is that you’re hot. Blowing cash on you because he thinks you’re hot is called prostitution, not romance. So if you filter for men who will blow cash on you on the first date, you are filtering for men who can’t tell a good woman from a prostitute. I don’t know you well enough to determine if you deserve better.
–Lee
It’s not the actual date that matters, it’s just how well it goes, and how much you and the other person click. A girl as “high-maintenance” as yourself just seems bitchy and full of herself, and you are.
Look, I’m 18 and have only been on one date, that date went great because of this advise! I took her to my favorite bar that plays amazing music, we played pool, we had a few beers and I learnt alot about her. I have another date with the same girl next week, this time I’m deciding to cook for her, it’s both romantic and it’s comfortable for me. This advice is great!
Peach–trying to buy a girl off isn’t ‘special’. The more secure a girl is (doesn’t matter whether she’s attractive or not) the less likely it is that she’ll be duped by that sort of thing.
I’ve got nothing against taking a girl to a nice dinner. But not on the first date when I have no idea who the hell she is.
Peach, we all know that hot women have a legion of men that would do whatever it takes to seduce them. And there will be rich men, famous men, etc… in that group, that will have much more margin to create those materialistic “special moments” that you talk about.
Precisely for that, we have to play other cards. It’s our personality, not out ability to “impress her” as if she was a queen, that has to win her over. The same applies for her. It might work sometimes, it might not work sometimes. You can click or not. There will be chemistry or not. But when it works, you can tell you both like each other, and you’re not just a carpet under her feet.
But I can understand that you don’t like this information, because it de-worship women and subsequently harm your power over men.
Peach, do you actually understand how attraction works ? Do you understand what makes you, personally, attracted to a man ?
I’m not trying to be patronizing, but most women don’t get how attraction works because they are too socially conditioned in believing all the romantic garbage they read, and see in films etc.
If a guy spends a load of money or effort on a first date she is going to subconsciously put him into the ‘normal needy’ guy box, and will lose any attraction she originally had for him.
I believe what Peach was trying to say was that there are no hard and fast rules for dating. My interpretation of her text was that putting effort into a date (ie, to make it special) goes a long way. Thoughtfulness counts! As you may only get the one chance, why wouldn’t you want to try to show the good points to yourself (like that you can consider someone’s perspective/preference?!
Most of the subsequent comments had nothing to do with her argument, which is annoying.
Eric’s advise has some good points and some flaws (ie, same place, not far from home). There’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if both parties are into that. But seriously, you’re not fooling anyone with your pretense for heading home.
Also, Ken: you’re a moron.
Basically everyone, the point is, women do love to be pampered (hint hint too ladies are telling you directly). If you think she’s worth it than PAMPER AWAY!
woops two*
This is the reason why women shouldn’t be allowed on forums for men seducing women. That sounds sexist I know, but all we’re doing is starting pointless arguments. Women love romance and stories to tell their friends. Whilst men most of the time just want to seduce women, and then maybe start something long term. There’s nothing wrong with that. We shouldn’t be ashamed for just wanting sex anyway. This advice is good whether you just want to seduce a woman and/or you want to get to know her.
Besides since when do women know what they want? We need to do what they respond too. It’s far better to listen to a man who is good with women, because he can tell us what they respond too. Rather then a woman, who is telling us what she “thinks” she wants.
“since when do women know what they want?” hahahahahahaaaaaaa. Brian, your comment is littered with sexist commentary: “Women love romance,” “men…just want to seduce women.”
The problem here is that each person, man or woman, is an individual, who has unique expectations, wants, and needs. Some people are looking for long-term, others for short, and others have no idea what they want going into a first date. Some people expect fancy dinners, other want laid-back drinks at a local pub. It all depends on the person, the things they’ve been exposed to, how they’ve been raised, etc. etc..
It is extremely difficult to generalize an entire gender. And that is exactly why “pointless arguments” crop up in these kinds of forums. Just admit that there is no tried-and-true way to achieve a “Perfect First [or second or third] Date.” You need to get to know the person in order to figure out what will work best for them, and for you.
Oh, Jess. You can’t see any difference between the sexes? If you’re an attractive woman, you can walk up to ten men in a bar and say “Hey, I don’t know how to say this but I am strangely attracted to you.” And that’s it. That woman is going to get laid nine times out of ten. Depending on how attractive she is, even most guys who are married or have girlfriends are going to say yes. Now repeat the experiment for an attractive man. He’s going to get 9 no reaponses. Given this difference, why should women want the same thing as men? Denying nature is stupid.
–Lee