10 Rules for the Perfect First Date

by Eric Disco
Apr 2

You just met an amazing girl.

Wow.

This girl is different from all the others.

You’ve been on dates before, but they didn’t really mean anything compared to this girl.

Now it’s ON!

All of a sudden you start to scramble.

Where to go? What to do?

You ask your friends. You search the internet.

What do you do on the perfect date????

Here are ten rules to make this simple and easy.

Spend as Little Money On Her As Possible. You don’t want to pick up an expensive tab for a woman. It sets up the wrong tone. If things happen, she wants to feel like she did it because she wanted to, not because she felt obligated. The date is about getting to know each other, not you showing off how much money you have. If we meet for drinks, I’ll pay for their first round. I’ll say “I’m paying for the first round; you pay for the next five.” And I let her pay for the next round of drinks. Believe me, it won’t put her in the poor house.

Never Take Her Out to Dinner On the First Date. If you pay for dinner, you end up pressuring her. If you split the bill, you could look cheap. But aside from this, if you’re sitting across from her having dinner, it leads into the traditional relationship where you’re a suitor and she’s evaluating you. Meeting for drinks or coffee sets you apart. You are seeing if you like her as much as she is seeing if she likes you.

Make It As Low-Pressure As Possible When you Invite Her Out. A “date” is a pressure cooker of expectations. When I set it up, I don’t call it a date. I tell her we’re meeting for “a drink”–singular–not “drinks.” I usually follow up the invitation with “and you better not get me drunk and take advantage of me” or “…if you think you can handle it.”

Don’t Take Her Out on a Friday or Saturday Night. On those nights, you’re competing with all the noise and all the partying. She will expect high-energy fun. I prefer a Thursday night or a Sunday night when the expectations are relaxed. Other non-weekend nights of the week are good also.

Take Her Somewhere Quiet. If you met her at a loud bar or club, you want to get her out of that environment for the date. You don’t want to meet up with her again at a loud place. You want to go somewhere quiet where you can sit and connect. The first date is for getting to know each other.

Take Her Somewhere Comfortable. Find a place with couches. You want to sit next to her, not across from her, so there can be a lot of physical contact. Avoid awkward hard chairs, or sitting across from each other at a table.

Take Your Dates to the Same Place Every Time. I take all my dates to the same place. It’s a cool bar, a little bit of a dive feel, but there’s artwork hanging up. There are couches in the back. And it’s usually not too loud. I’ve been going to this place for years. I’ve had a lot of success there, so I feel really comfortable there, like I’m in my living room.

Never Meet Up With Your Friends or Her Friends. Unless it was agreed on from the start that it would be that kind of date, do not meet up with her friends or your friends under any circumstances. It’s the kiss of death. If she wants to meet up with her friends, I would leave her at that point. It seems innocuous but I’ve had more than a few dates ruined by this. If she really likes you, she will be alone with you.

Find a Place Not Too Far from Your House. If things start to happen, you want to be within distance of your place. There is nothing wrong with going back to your place on the first date. If you do take her back to your place, you’ll want an excuse. Any old excuse will do. The idea is that you don’t want her to have to take responsibility for the interaction.

No Matter How Awesome and Special She Seems, Don’t Try to Make the Date Extra Exciting. When you meet a fucking amazing woman and you’re going to go out with her, you may feel like you have to take her on a really cool date, like jet skiing around the statue of liberty. And then trampolining in central park. No, I don’t care how fucking hot she is. Have boring drinks or coffee in your favorite spot.

This shows how much you value yourself that you can do something low-key on the first date. Sure, you could play pool or miniature golf or do karaoke. That’s okay.

But the point is that YOU are what’s interesting on the date. Your interaction with her should be the focus, not showing her a good time.

If she’s meeting with you for a date, she is already attracted to you. You don’t need to show her how fun you are by taking her somewhere exciting. In fact, the more boring the surroundings are, the more you can connect with each other and get to know each other.

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posted in First Dates

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