7 Aspects of a Great Coach

by Eric Disco
Feb 4

With so many people teaching pickup these days, how do you find the right coach to work with?

Here are seven things to look for in a great coach.

1. A great coach will build on your strengths.

He won’t try to completely take you apart and rebuild you. He’ll notice what’s working as well as what needs to change.

Making you see and feel good about what’s working is as important as helping you change what’s not working.

It’s not about giving someone a new personality and things to say, it’s about bringing out the confident, sexy guy that is inside you.

2. A great coach will share personal examples from his life.

In lectures and in answering questions, he’ll talk about his personal experiences with women.

He won’t try to act like the perfect pickup guru. Relating both successes and failures can be helpful for guys.

3. A great coach will find the “pain” beneath your questions.

Instead of just throwing out stock answers to questions, he will find out why you are asking the question.

He may ask you questions back if he needs to.

He will find out how much you actually know about the topic before answering.

He may even ask “What do you think the answer to that question is?”

4. A Great Coach will give useful and personalized feedback on your interactions with women.

Feedback should be descriptive instead of just evaluative.

Instead of just saying “That was really good,” he’ll say what was good.

“That was really good. I like the way you looked her in the eyes and bantered with her.”

When giving feedback, a he will focus on ONE thing at a time for you to improve on.

You won’t be able to fix ten things at once.

Often in a new guy it’s easy to see ten things he could fix.

A great coach will be able to pick out the most important aspect and focus on that.

5. A great coach will show you what’s possible by demonstration.

A coach should be able to go out and interact with women and demonstrate anything he tells you to do.

He should should show you things that you didn’t think were possible.

While having the ability to personally demonstrate any pickup, the coach will also know how to return focus on you.

He won’t spend the entire day or evening doing pickups himself.

6. Sometimes you really do need a kick in the ass.

As much as he is a teacher, he is also a coach and needs to push you beyond your comfort zone.

He will push you and work with you in a way that keeps you motivated.

A huge part of coaching is being able to challenge you.

He will be honest and direct about any aspect of yourself you need to change, whether it’s your overall attitude, a quirk in your behavior or your personal hygiene.

7. A great coach will show you how to connect with women by connecting with you.

If you feel like your coach knows you, you will feel much more comfortable following his advice.

You should be having fun together. You should be opening yourselves up to each other.

You can tell how good he is with women a.k.a. people, by how good he is at connecting with you.

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posted in Coaching Experiences

COMMENTS
9 responses
Cameron says:

What? Women are people too! This is madness!

Tomek says:

Hey,

Could you write something about getting ustuck eith approaching women. I am a social savy person and when I meet woman through friends or some activity I do very well. But I want to cold appraoch as well. I am in the community for a very long time, and at times I was starting to become good at it. But now, I am just stuck and can’t start gaming from cold appraoches one more time… I need a solid mission based plan. Maybe you’ve go something for me?

TightGame says:

Great article, especially point #5 about coaches being willing to demonstrate pickup. Nice to see that finally showing up in audio and DVD products as well.

Just to play the devil’s advocate on #1. Not all the time, but sometimes it’s necessary to rebuild from scratch, and drop any preconceived notions about your identity, strengths or weaknesses. I once heard Tyler from RSD quoting fight club. Something like “Self improvement, that just more mental masturbation. Self-destruction, now you are getting somewhere.”

Eric Disco says:

Could you write something about getting ustuck with approaching women.

I would start here:

The Single Most Important Thing You Can Do To Get Beyond Approach Anxiety

Eric

Eric Disco says:

Just to play the devil’s advocate on #1. Not all the time, but sometimes it’s necessary to rebuild from scratch, and drop any preconceived notions about your identity, strengths or weaknesses. I once heard Tyler from RSD quoting fight club. Something like “Self improvement, that just more mental masturbation. Self-destruction, now you are getting somewhere.”

You could look at it that way, destroying all preconceived notions about what your strengths and weaknesses are. There are a lot of ideas that need to be destroyed in this process.

But I believe the process of learning is more about the student becoming disinhibited rather than remade. Strict methodical processes and scripts have a tendency to drive people with social deficiencies further into what they are already doing too much of: thinking.

This is much more of a physical/emotional process rather than a mental one. We’ve all had enough destruction, self-torment and self-criticism. The major work is in building the student up and making him feel good about talking to strangers.

Eric

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Ninj4 says:

Gah. Seriously, Eric, are you psychic or something? Again, this pertains to what’s going on in my own life right now.

There’s a guy at our dorm who isn’t one of the most socially adept people out there, and we’ll call him S.F. Recently, he missed a chance to get lucky with a girl who apparently sent him all the signs that she was wanting and willing, and he didn’t pick up on it. As a result, he’s been the point of ridicule amongst the circle of friends he is in and that I am on friendly terms with.

While being around this group, I’ve heard the occasional barbs tossed his way, and lately it seems like as if they’ve been getting slightly more harsh as time goes by. Now, I will admit that I do not know the dynamics of this group. I don’t even know S.F. that well myself, and that’s partially due to his social awkwardness. However, I can sense him getting on the defensive, and sometimes it seems like it only pisses him off. From an outsider’s point of view, I feel that their approach to help him step up his confidence and game is more harmful than good. It actually gets me irritated from time to time because I’ve been in his position in the past. I’ve been in the seat with people tossing more insults and jokes than actual advice, and to me, it’s bullshit. I’ve confronted some of his friends about it, but they get defensive as well and claim that 1) they’re being brotherly to him, and 2) I’m only seeing the outside of the story and not the whole thing. I want to give him some help, but at the same time, I don’t have the time, resources, or experience to give him some good coaching especially with college and my own issues as my main priority.

I’m thinking of giving him a link to this website, but I’m not sure what article I can use as a primer to get him interested. Any recommendations?

Stefan says:

I liked this. Solid 7 points. Totally in agreement.

Gabe says:

Although he’s positive, a great coach wont sell you on the idea that it is going to be quick or easy.

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