Narrowing the Motivational Disconnect

by Eric Disco
Dec 20

She’s sitting there, hotter than anything I’ve ever seen in recent memory. I can’t even believe it.


I glance over at her eating. There’s a guy across from her.

I get up and walk across the restaurant to the bathroom. As I do so in my mind I start to make myself promises.

I am going to get so good with women.

Soon, I will be good enough to get a girl exactly like that, a girl that fills me with as much desire as this girl does.

And I notice the promises I make to myself.

I’m going to do this or that for the next month.

Next week I’m going to go out hardcore. I’m going to learn this technique or that technique.

The disconnect sets in.

How do you stay motivated, was a question on my mind for the longest time. A huge part of getting past your fear is staying motivated.

What keeps you motivated? What keeps me motivated?

It was right there all along. The motivation. I was simply disconnected from it.

That rush of desire I feel motivates me. Simple and pure. The fire.

But instead of acting on it as soon as possible, I push it away. I make promises to myself.

With social anxiety, the situation is never quite perfect enough.

I’m wearing the wrong shoes.

It’s raining out.

I didn’t sleep well last night.

I don’t have the emotional energy right now.

It feels like I need to save up my energy to socialize.

In fact, it is the other way round. The more I take small initiatives in the direction I want to go, the more progress I am making.

Small, manageable initiatives.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, the saying goes.

Well an ounce of do-it-now is worth a pound of do-it-later. That pound of do-it-later can start to get pretty heavy.

Instead of making promises to myself to go out and approach twenty girls next weekend, it is better if I approach one every day this week.

Instead of making promises to myself that I’ll approach one girl every day next week, I’ll go out RIGHT NOW and talk to a few girls, even if it’s just to ask for directions.

A long time ago I heard a “guru” talk about how he likes to mentally reduce his own sexual attraction for a girl in his mind before he talks to her. That makes it easier to approach her.

I want to do the opposite.

I want my desire to be as closely linked as possible to my motivation to talk to her. I can do that by going out and DOING SOMETHING as soon as I get that desire.

It doesn’t matter what, as long as it’s something, as long as it’s NOW.

It’s better to do something right now, half-assed, then to put it off until I am perfect. Because that day will never come.

Prepare as much as possible. Learn as much as possible.

But firstly–PRACTICE, as often and as consistently as possible, reconnecting to that precious desire that motivates you.


posted in Initiative and Inhibition

12 responses
Cameron says:

Awesome. I just posted a blog post about this same thing. Did you approach?

Eric Disco says:

Awesome. I just posted a blog post about this same thing. Did you approach?

No, I didn’t. Because of logistical reasons (lame!). I went out and talked to women right after that though. Next best thing.

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Jason says:

“It’s better to do something right now, half-assed, then to put it off until I am perfect. Because that day will never come.”

That’s a great nugget.

Blah says:

Just yesterday, I was finishing up some late business at work when I’ve heard loud music from one of the bars around work. Friday evening here in Israel is like Saturday evening in most countries – THE night to go out. The obvious fear of going alone to a bar – a dance-bar too – of people thinking you have no friends etc. – increases twofold on this day.

And I told myself I’ll definitely do it sometime though…

But as I was getting away, I remembered Eric’s latest post – and got pulled into the music!

Thanks :)

Alex says:

Wow, it feels like I wrote this myself. I’ve been there many a time.

rico dinero says:

Its nice to know that the feeling I get when such thing happens isn’t a case by case, random occurrences. I thank you for an insightful post (yet again)

Trent says:

“It’s better to do something right now, half-assed, then to put it off until I am perfect. Because that day will never come.”

That’s a great nugget.

Yes, it is a great nugget, but it should be “… half-assed, than to put it off…”

Spelling Nazi, I know.

Seth says:

Yeah that is a great nugget indeed.

I used to be apart of the same story a few months back.
I could barely talk to people at work sometimes let alone go to a dance bar on the ‘big’ night.

But i did it… I persisted, rejection after rejection…

Although some were nicer then others…

But i found that no… it doesn’t really get better as you go along, they dont get to much easier… but you do begin to learn some techniques as such…

Well that was me… an my confidence after all that wasn’t really too crash hot after a ‘night out on the town’.

But one night.. i was walking past an ally way on my way home.. an to be honest i think i was a little under the weather if you know what i mean.. but the main thing was… i was LOST… well and truly lost…

and coincidently so was this beautiful blonde… like a real 9-10 star if i ever did see one… an i laughed to myself knowing full well that i would never have enough nerve to talk to this bombshell.. then the next thing i know.. she comes up to me asking for directions.. i guess it just pays to be at the wrong place (or in my case the right) at the right time…

We ended up walking around till we found some familiar streets… bid each other fair well… then i did it…

i must have sounded like the biggest goof….

“ahhh….. can i get your number? You know.. incase i get lost again…”

i thought i was in for it.. a goner.. next thing i know.. she is out of site.. im walkin the other way with her number.. i dont even know how it happened..

i managed to get enough ‘ka-hooners’ to call her..

i am now in a 4 month relationship.. an going strong so far..

So i guess the main message is.. dont give up.. no matter what…

Your confidence might not be sky-rocketing.. but it does make a difference…

and that there is someone out there… you just got to be patient.. but you cant sit around an wait for her to come to you.. you got to get out there… and do it right now.. like there is no tomorrow… because when you promise yourself… tomorrow.. or next week.. well.. tomorrow never comes…

Sorry for the long winded comment…
But i felt i should share my story…

*****Please note i don’t recommend going and gettin well and truly lost, that concept is only a once off*****

Jooebus says:

Nice little note Seth. Good stuff :).

West PUA says:

“Small, manageable initiatives.”

That’s the Way!

Say, I’m talking relatively low, but by talking louder first on the phone, then in small one-time sentences like “Hello!”, “See you!” and then louder all the way through small conversations, the loudness of my voice increases.

The Japanese has a system for this, called Kaizen. Although implemented for businesses, this is a great self-change improvement way. Just search google for “define:kaizen” without the quotes.

I have a piece of paper in my bathroom so I’m reminded every day to continously improve in small ways.

jman179 says:

“It’s better to do something right now, half-assed, then to put it off until I am perfect. Because that day will never come.”

Now thats a statement! Not only with women, but everything in life.