The Pissing Contest

by Eric Disco
Nov 26

“Great changes are easier than small ones,” said Francis Bacon.

As a corollary, I would say that it’s easier to be good at something than to suck at it.

I started doing yoga recently. And man, it’s BUSTING MY BALLS. I suck at it. I’m taking the beginner’s class, but I think I need a remedial course.

It’s 90 minutes of pain for me.

Part of me wants to start to go 3 or 4 times a week, because I know if I get good at it, it will be easier.

When you suck at something you are always struggling. It’s always an uphill climb.

When you get good at it, there are still challenges. But those challenges feel like they are part of the game, rather than someone constantly hitting you in the face.

When I got into pickup, it was one holy struggle. Man, did I wrestle with it. And the worst part about it, the very worst of the worst, was approach anxiety.

“Why doesn’t anybody talk about this stuff????” I thought to myself. I decided I needed to tackle this issue and I would leave a trail of breadcrumbs as I went. Because I have NO IDEA how to deal with this.

I wanted to become a coach. That was one of my goals. I knew that if I could become a coach, if I could get GREAT at this stuff, it would be easier.

I was tired of struggling at ground zero with being able to approach women I was attracted to. I was tired of these people, other human beings, triggering a fear inside of me, just because they existed.

And I made huge amounts of progress.

It’s funny though, how life always moves the goalposts. You want one thing, and then it’s suddenly not good enough.

We men like to compete. We LOVE to compete. In fact, there are few things better than challenging ourselves. Tell me there’s something I can’t do and I’ll go and do it, motherfuckers. Bring it on.

It’s easy to get addicted to the challenge, to go from one challenge to the next.

There’s always someone cleverer then yourself, always someone with a new pickup line, always a guy out there that can outmaneuver you and get the girl you wanted.

I run with some of the best guys in the world when it comes to meeting women, both inside and outside of Pickup 101. My “game” is pretty tight.

I want to be the best pickup artist in the world, now more than ever. It’s within my grasp.

Welcome to the Pissing Contest.

What did I originally get into this for? What do you want in your life?

I fully advocate going out and dating multiple women, date the hottest women you can find, challenge yourself to all kinds of crazy levels.

But don’t forget what you were looking for.

Here’s what my list looks like, my prime directive:

- Become intimate with my fears and limitations so they no longer haunt me.

- Write a book and learn how to help other guys with what I struggled with

- Find “my” girl, get married and have children.

How far and how long do I keep going with pickup? Is it bringing me happiness?

These are no easy questions. But I know, as I get better at this stuff, that I need to make sure I invest time in myself away “the community,” away from the pissing contest.

Use it for what it is, but don’t lose sight of who I am and what I want to be.

There are many challenges out there calling to me. And many things in life I need to learn.

I have major love for so many people, both close friends and everyone out there challenging themselves, struggling the beautiful struggle.

Keep up the good fight.

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posted in Self-Improvement Strategies

COMMENTS
8 responses
Jason says:

Right on, man. I finally got off my ass, stopped trolling the pick-up 101 forums, and did a workshop in NYC. Everything has changed, and I’m now starting to experience good challenges, not just “constant hits to the face” anymore. I’ve been reading your posts since I got started a year ago, so I’m just letting you know that you’ve played a good part in my progess. Thanks.

June says:

Out of all the material out on the web wether it be ebooks, podcast, videos or forums I have to give it to you, you by far come off as the most human. I love the stuff you put out, its definetly helped me keep my chin up on more than one occasion. The Pissing Contest. Class stuff. Rock on man.

Mike says:

i’m in a not so productive place right now. i stopped going out as much as i used to and now more then ever my thoughts are filled with questions like “am i going to find that one cool girl?” i haven’t had a girlfriend for more then 3 months. i’m still not where i want to be with pickup. i’ve goten to the point where i’m super frustrated with flakes. i go out and exert myself immensely, tackle my fears and end up with girls flaking on me. it royally sucks.

did you go through these periods? i dont go out everyday anymore. it seems that i never really gotten over any fear in the past year, i’ve only forced myself to feel it day to day. now i dont want to feel it anymore and i’m slacking off. i dont feel like approaching that cute girl on the train anymore. worst case is i’ll say soemthing stupid and get embarrassed, best case is she flakes on me. it sucks.

what did you do, Eric? help a brotha out.

Jason says:

Mike, that’s a piss poor attitude, straight up. I felt like that once, but thinking like that just makes it worse. Keep your head held really high, not just high enough. Try daygame insta-dating. That could give you a nice shove in the right direction. It does for me.

Eric Disco says:

Wassup Mikey,

One thing I would recommend for starters is to focus on setting up dates/day 2′s rather than just getting numbers. While it seems counter-intiutive and needy, in actuality it is the best thing for not just eliminating flakes, but giving you a perfect idea of where the interaction really is. Women will give out their number pretty easily. But they are a lot less likely to make a commitment and say okay to a date if they are really not into it. I would go so far as to refuse to take a girl’s number if she won’t agree to see you. What’s the point in getting her phone number if she’s not into you whil you’re in front of her? Then there’s definitely no way you’ll get her to meet up over the phone. I HATE trying to set dates up over the phone.

I do go through periods of not going balls-to-the-wall. I’m in one of those periods right now. I was seeing a girl exclusively for a few weeks, and I just broke up with her. I’m not feeling shitty over it, I feel fine. But I’m also laying low for a while. I see girls all the time that I could walk up to and talk to, girls I’m attracted to, and I’m not hindered by approach anxiety. But I’m just not in the mood to do it right now. And that’s okay. I need some me time.

Take some time off to do a few other things for a while. Or just slow down. Don’t totally drop off. Maybe still flirt with cashiers and waitresses. Ask a few girls for directions just for the hell of it. But take off the pressure if you’re not enjoying it.

And try not to be so hard on yourself. You’ve come along light years, Mike. I’ve seen you progress. You are a totally different person in so many ways. Congratulate yourself, take yourself out to dinner. Take a break and figure out what you really want so when you come back to this stuff you’ll be that much stronger.

Eric

SJJ says:

Hi Eric
I will have to second the sentiments in June’s post. As is often the case in the pick-up world, we all travel around and take bits of information from various different organisations and school’s of thought. I personally find Wayne Elise’s and Charisma Arts’ philosophy to be the one most suited to me, but we are all different.

However, I came across your site a few months ago and regularly check your excellent posts and podcasts which are unparalleled. You speak with real clarity and compassion and are a credit to yourself and everyone else in this crazy and wonderful game. I salute you and thank you for your kind and encouraging words of Wisdom.
All the best, SJJ

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Ryan says:

Eric, that is some great advice. I also realized that developing skills with women, although fun, isn’t everything. One idea that I’ve been playing around with is cultivating my life’s purpose and organizing everything around it. If a woman does not fit into my life purpose, then I let her go.

Cheers on writing a book, that is definitely along the lines of creating strong purpose and helping other guys. -Ryan

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