Approaching Women – 5 Secrets For Newbies

by Eric Disco
Nov 8

Today we have a very special guest post from relationship advisor Eddie Corbano.


Believe it or not, there is one thing that scares the hell out of most men:

Approaching a Beautiful Woman.

Why is that the case?

What can a beautiful woman possibly do to an approaching man? Rip his head off? Not likely.

But I understand it. I once was there myself. It is a fundamental fear of rejection that dominates here.

An attractive woman has lots of power. Everybody is polite to her, wants to get her drinks, wants to be with her.

She is a status symbol. An indication of personal power. And she knows that.

But the power she has over you is only the power that you give her.

Besides the fear of rejection, what also frustrates most men is also an inhibitory approach anxiety.

What actually is approach anxiety?

It is a fear that is implanted in you by society. Scientific research proves, that the only thing that a newborn baby is afraid of are loud noises and free falling. Everything else is induced by the outside world. The environment. It’s important to realize that. The fear has no foundation.

The bad news is: there is nothing you can read or revolve in your mind that would make the fear of rejection or approach anxiety disappear.

Like most fears that are blocking you, there is only one way to overcome them: by facing repeatedly what you fear.

Repeating over and over again what you fear, and realizing, that there in fact is nothing to fear, is the only way to make that fear go away.

I know. You don’t like that. I didn’t myself.

The good news is: it takes only 25 approaches to conquer this fear. So I suggest that you start right away!

Since you now know how to get what you wish for, I’d like to give you some insights on how to get this issue done right from the beginning.

Ok, so lets start with the 5 secrets on approaching a beautiful woman:

1. Do 3 fast warm-up approaches

Look for 3 girls that you like and are comfortable with and ask them something. No matter what.

Ask for directions, the time, a place to go out since you’re new in town, the next cool bar, etc. Be creative!

You don’t have to get into a conversation, but if it happens don’t fight it.

The goal is to get into an “approaching mood” and most important, to get comfortable with the idea of talking to women.

You will learn that it’s ok and that nothing terrible will happen. This will remove a lot of tension for you.

And believe me, your next approaches will be much much easier.

2. Detach yourself completely from the outcome

This is very important.

In order to make progress and get beyond your fears, I want you to have no expectations whatsoever regarding the approach.

No matter what she says or does, I want your life to go on the same way.

“Don’t have expectations!”

See it as a game. Be playful. You’re there to learn and the only thing you want to get out of this is experience.

If you get a number or e-mail in the end that’s great. But don’t expect anything. If she rejects you, so what? No big deal. Just move on.

3. Pay attention to your body language

Would you believe that your body language affects the outcome of the approach itself? That means that even before you even get to the person, she might have already decided whether she will reject you or not.

Watch you body posture. This subconsciously sends a signal of confidence and that you know what you’re doing. This also increases your attraction many times over.

  • Keep your head high, slightly above the horizontal line
  • Imagine an invisible string tied to your chest, lifting you straight up
  • Always lead from your hips when your are walking
  • During the conversation never lean physically in, always lean back
  • Sit and stand always in the most comfortable position. As if you’re at home. Lean on a wall, put a leg on the chair, use a chair as a sofa, etc.
  • Watch your hands. Don’t hang on to your glass. Put one hand into your pocket and leave the other one free
  • Don’t try to look cool (if you are, you will). Always have a slight smile.

This is pure gold.

4. Forget all pickup-lines you’ve ever heard

Trust me, they won’t work. You don’t need them.

The truth is, what you say only matters less than 6%. You communicate the rest through other ways, like the tone of your voice and mainly through your body language.

Maintain strong eye-contact during the approach, watch your body language, put on your biggest smile and just say “hi”.

Later on, when you have more experience, you can do more sophisticated approaches.

5. Have a story prepared

Let the conversation flow naturally. Talk to the girl like you talk to your best friend. The more natural you are, the better.

Don’t compliment her too much, again, be playful and cocky. Speak slowly and keep your voice tone low.

What often happens with newbies is that they have trouble maintaining conversation. They get stuck, and can’t think of any topic to speak about.

Or they ask too many questions, which is also not helpful to get the conversation going.

It helps to have some kind of a story prepared. If nothing interesting ever happened to you, you can make one up.

Talk about how your best friend almost died on your last mountain hiking tour, or how you saved your cat from being washed in the washing machine.

It really doesn’t matter what the story is about. What matters is how you are telling it. It has to be told in an interesting and dramatic way. She has to be sucked into that story, watching your lips, unable to wait to see how it ends.

Can you do that? I bet you can. If you can’t, then practice!

From here you have several options. You can ask for her number/e-mail, change the location with her, or simply move on.

The point is to collect as much experience as you can with approaching women.

You must get comfortable with it. If you really are, then there is nothing that can hold you back any more.

The world is yours.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano


Eddie Corbano is a Breakup-Coach and Relationship-Advisor who himself suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal.

For more articles and information visit his website: LovesAGame.com and subscribe to his blog’s feed or get updates via email.

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posted in Miscellaneous

COMMENTS
12 responses
Flash says:

I love this man, thanks a whole bunch. although that having no expectations thing is a challenging sticking point for me I will keep at it

Peace

Rogue says:

This article is really helpful, and there is a lot of great advice in here. However, one item really stuck out at me:

“It helps to have some kind of a story prepared. If nothing interesting ever happened to you, you can make one up.”

I disagree completely here. If nothing interesting has ever happened to you, you have bigger problems than meeting women – you have a life that you think is boring. There are two possible solutions:

1) Typically, the reason you find your life is boring is not because nothing interesting has ever happened, but rather that YOU THINK that nothing interesting has ever happened. Review your life: your job, schooling, hobbies, friends, family, etc. Ask yourself, “Why would someone find this part of my life cool or worthwhile?”
2) If, after careful thought, you cannot find anythng worthwhile or valuable about a certain part of your life, then it’s time to change it. E.g. Are you unhappy or bored by your job? Think about changing it somehow. You might be hesitant to do this – change is usually scary. But remember: you ALWAYS DESERVE BETTER than to have things in your life that don’t enrich you.

Good luck!

“It helps to have some kind of a story prepared. If nothing interesting ever happened to you, you can make one up.”

I disagree completely here. If nothing interesting has ever happened to you, you have bigger problems than meeting women – you have a life that you think is boring. There are two possible solutions:

1) Typically, the reason you find your life is boring is not because nothing interesting has ever happened, but rather that YOU THINK that nothing interesting has ever happened. Review your life: your job, schooling, hobbies, friends, family, etc. Ask yourself, “Why would someone find this part of my life cool or worthwhile?”
2) If, after careful thought, you cannot find anythng worthwhile or valuable about a certain part of your life, then it’s time to change it. E.g. Are you unhappy or bored by your job? Think about changing it somehow. You might be hesitant to do this – change is usually scary. But remember: you ALWAYS DESERVE BETTER than to have things in your life that don’t enrich you.

I agree with Rogue here. I think it’s fine to use other people’s banter and flirting lines, but to me stories are a kind of rapport. They reveal things about who you are. If you are using someone else’s stories you are doing a disservice to yourself.

It takes some practice, but you can learn how to make your own stories interesting. I’m sure a few interesting things a week happen to everyone.

One place to start is by keeping track of stories that you tell to your friends and family. What was interesting about them? Why were you excited to tell them?

Write these stories down and practice telling them. They don’t have to be anything crazy. You don’t have to talk about how you made it to the top of mount everest or escaped the jungles or killed a shark. In fact some of the best stories are things that we can all relate to.

[...] Approaching Women – 5 Secrets For Newbies Submitted by PUA SuperFly, 3 seconds ago (approachanxiety.com) [...]

Ben says:

No, you don’t have to go through terror and pain to conquer a fear. talk about a limiting belief! That’s like telling a depressed person to just be happy and everything will be fine.

There are enough techniques out there to get rid of fears. (your choice of acronym: NLP, EFT…)

This is really a numbers game, if you look at any of your gurus, you’ll find that they have got rejected more than anybody else.

So rejection doesnt matter, this is not about being a perfectionist!

Andrew

I think I speak for all of us when I say that we appreciate a guest post and the effort/time put into it.

That said, I’m curious about the point above about whether or not approach anxiety is based on social programming. I’m not disputing that research shows that newborns are afraid of free-falling and loud noises, but then again, newborns are almost completely unable to socialize in any way. By the time children are younger and able to speak, there are some that are very outgoing and others that are shy. How do we know whether or not this is nature vs nurture? It goes back to the same debate we have as adults.

I’m not convinced that AA is society-programmed. I think it’s still up in the air. What I am convinced of, is that it does become irrelevant once you actually make approaches. I know I seldom feel AA very strongly, but then, I’ve spent a couple of years mercilessly fighting/ignoring it through repeated approaches.

-Jordan Harbinger
pickuppodcast.com

Joe says:

What about the claim that it only takes 25 approaches to get over this fear?

Awesome says:

Have never heard this. Great stuff.

[...] The nice guy wears insecurity on his sleeve without knowing it. He sees it as a badge of honor for why he doesn’t succeed with women. He clings to it to cover the pain of failure. It’s good to be nice to women. But hoping that meekness will attract women is a fallacy. Niceness on this magnitude is read by women as overcompensation for not having balls. It is overcompensation for not being willing to take true risks.Approach Anxiety Now that I have identified the problem, the hard part is to get over my insecurity. Does anyone else have experience getting over the "nice guy" syndrome? [...]

Fredricko says:

Great. I followed his advice, now I have herpes. Now what?

Elmo says:

AAAaaaaarggh!! Him huurdrdrdtdt me!

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