Today we have a very special guest post from relationship advisor Eddie Corbano.
Believe it or not, there is one thing that scares the hell out of most men:
Approaching a Beautiful Woman.
Why is that the case?
What can a beautiful woman possibly do to an approaching man? Rip his head off? Not likely.
But I understand it. I once was there myself. It is a fundamental fear of rejection that dominates here.
An attractive woman has lots of power. Everybody is polite to her, wants to get her drinks, wants to be with her.
She is a status symbol. An indication of personal power. And she knows that.
But the power she has over you is only the power that you give her.
Besides the fear of rejection, what also frustrates most men is also an inhibitory approach anxiety.
What actually is approach anxiety?
It is a fear that is implanted in you by society. Scientific research proves, that the only thing that a newborn baby is afraid of are loud noises and free falling. Everything else is induced by the outside world. The environment. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s important to realize that. The fear has no foundation.
The bad news is: there is nothing you can read or revolve in your mind that would make the fear of rejection or approach anxiety disappear.
Like most fears that are blocking you, there is only one way to overcome them: by facing repeatedly what you fear.
I know. You donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t like that. I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t myself.
The good news is: it takes only 25 approaches to conquer this fear. So I suggest that you start right away!
Since you now know how to get what you wish for, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d like to give you some insights on how to get this issue done right from the beginning.
Ok, so lets start with the 5 secrets on approaching a beautiful woman:
1. Do 3 fast warm-up approaches
Look for 3 girls that you like and are comfortable with and ask them something. No matter what.
Ask for directions, the time, a place to go out since youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re new in town, the next cool bar, etc. Be creative!
You donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have to get into a conversation, but if it happens donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t fight it.
The goal is to get into an Ã¢â‚¬Å“approaching moodÃ¢â‚¬Â and most important, to get comfortable with the idea of talking to women.
You will learn that itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s ok and that nothing terrible will happen. This will remove a lot of tension for you.
And believe me, your next approaches will be much much easier.
2. Detach yourself completely from the outcome
This is very important.
In order to make progress and get beyond your fears, I want you to have no expectations whatsoever regarding the approach.
No matter what she says or does, I want your life to go on the same way.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have expectations!Ã¢â‚¬Â
See it as a game. Be playful. YouÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re there to learn and the only thing you want to get out of this is experience.
If you get a number or e-mail in the end thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s great. But donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t expect anything. If she rejects you, so what? No big deal. Just move on.
3. Pay attention to your body language
Would you believe that your body language affects the outcome of the approach itself? That means that even before you even get to the person, she might have already decided whether she will reject you or not.
Watch you body posture. This subconsciously sends a signal of confidence and that you know what youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re doing. This also increases your attraction many times over.
- Keep your head high, slightly above the horizontal line
- Imagine an invisible string tied to your chest, lifting you straight up
- Always lead from your hips when your are walking
- During the conversation never lean physically in, always lean back
- Sit and stand always in the most comfortable position. As if you’re at home. Lean on a wall, put a leg on the chair, use a chair as a sofa, etc.
- Watch your hands. DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t hang on to your glass. Put one hand into your pocket and leave the other one free
- DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t try to look cool (if you are, you will). Always have a slight smile.
This is pure gold.
4. Forget all pickup-lines youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve ever heard
Trust me, they wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t work. You donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t need them.
The truth is, what you say only matters less than 6%. You communicate the rest through other ways, like the tone of your voice and mainly through your body language.
Maintain strong eye-contact during the approach, watch your body language, put on your biggest smile and just say Ã¢â‚¬Å“hiÃ¢â‚¬Â.
Later on, when you have more experience, you can do more sophisticated approaches.
Let the conversation flow naturally. Talk to the girl like you talk to your best friend. The more natural you are, the better.
DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t compliment her too much, again, be playful and cocky. Speak slowly and keep your voice tone low.
What often happens with newbies is that they have trouble maintaining conversation. They get stuck, and can’t think of any topic to speak about.
Or they ask too many questions, which is also not helpful to get the conversation going.
It helps to have some kind of a story prepared. If nothing interesting ever happened to you, you can make one up.
Talk about how your best friend almost died on your last mountain hiking tour, or how you saved your cat from being washed in the washing machine.
It really doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t matter what the story is about. What matters is how you are telling it. It has to be told in an interesting and dramatic way. She has to be sucked into that story, watching your lips, unable to wait to see how it ends.
Can you do that? I bet you can. If you can’t, then practice!
From here you have several options. You can ask for her number/e-mail, change the location with her, or simply move on.
The point is to collect as much experience as you can with approaching women.
You must get comfortable with it. If you really are, then there is nothing that can hold you back any more.
The world is yours.
Eddie Corbano is a Breakup-Coach and Relationship-Advisor who himself suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal.