The Extrovert Urge

by Eric Disco
Oct 18

It starts off small and weak.

Everything in your brain tells you not to listen to that urge.

The things it says seem stupid and silly.

Alarms go off in your brain, telling you that listening to the urge will get you into trouble.

You know that if you should decide to let those words out of you, they’ll stumble out like a drunk man leaving a bar on a saturday night, falling with every step, landing you into the middle of the road.

Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing–you will say the wrong thing.

I guarantee it.

There will be every excuse in the book: What I’m saying isn’t clever enough, it’ll ruin this interaction, they won’t like me, they’ll think I’m weird, they won’t get the joke, they’ll get offended, it’s not their kind of humor, they aren’t into banter, they just want someone to be nice to them, they like me already–I shouldn’t push it.

When you’re with someone you feel completely comfortable around, you don’t have the extrovert urge. You are extroverted.

It is who you are in so many ways. It’s not something you need to cultivate and grow, because it’s already there, in it’s fully glory.

Being an extrovert comes down to two things:

1. Knowing what to say
2. Being able to say it

Knowing what to say is skill, interpersonal skill. And you’ve already got a lot more skill than you realize.

You may get the urge to look down at her tits and say “nice tits.”

You’ve got enough skill to NOT say that. You know better. You’ve been on this planet long enough.

Now what it comes down to is being able to say things. Most of what you say is actually probably appropriate.

90% of your problem probably rests in the fact that YOU DON’T SAY WHAT COMES TO YOU.

When you do start exercising that muscle, the things that come to you are actually fun, creative and intelligent.

I haven’t gotten any more brilliant since I started learning how to meet people.

I’ve gotten better at knowing when and how I can be myself, knowing what parts of me to show to her.

Your main tool when it comes to all of this is having fun.

If you’ve ever jostled and joke with your friends or family, then you already have some grasp on how to banter.

When you get that extrovert urge, don’t resist it!

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition

COMMENTS
2 responses
cairo says:

I recommend taking Improv Acting Classes because improv literally forces you to exercise this quick thinking muscle. It also trains your brain to brainstorm multiple ideas for whatever “gift” your fellow performer gives you on stage.

I’ve been doing it for about a year now, and I noticed that when I’m already in conversation with someone and feel comfortable with them, it’s now a lot easier to push it into a more fun interaction.

I don’t have to try as hard because I’m viewing everything she says as a gift/opportunity to expand upon and have fun with. I don’t feel as if I need to be “prepared” with things to talk about because I’m more confident that I can riff on about whatever she gives me.

Also, it’s also a lot less intimidating to join a class and do some quick thinking on a stage with your fellow peers versus going out alone by myself and cold-approaching. Still working up to the 1-a-day cold approach :)

Cameron says:

Thanks for the tips cairo!

“Also, it’s also a lot less intimidating to join a class and do some quick thinking on a stage with your fellow peers versus going out alone by myself and cold-approaching. Still working up to the 1-a-day cold approach :)”

Thats interesting because most guys would find it far more scary to get on stage and do improv than cold approaching. I myself find talking to women not too bad but I’m sure I’d find it TERRIFYING to perform on stage in front of others.

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