Recognize Your Inhibition and You're Closer To Ready

by Eric Disco
Jul 23

I have nothing.

My mind is a blank slate.

I sit there on the phone with her and can’t think of a single good thing to say.

I spent the entire weekend talking to attractive women. I have dates lined up with attractive women this week. I’ve been teaching a weekend workshop, for Chrissakes, on how to talk to women!

But I have nothing to say to her. All I can think of is to ask her about herself.

I glance back over my weekend and even further back over my week looking for something interesting to share.

Nothing. It seems like I haven’t done anything interesting. Ever.

“G2G” she says to me.

“G2G?” I respond.

“Got to go.”

“Cool,” I say as I get off the phone with her.

Good things have happened to me! Funny things I could have shared. But with this particular girl, because of our history, I was paralyzed.

What’s wrong with me? AM I STUPID????

No. I am merely inhibited.

I’m not worried. I’ve felt it enough times to know. There are certain situations we get into where we are paralyzed.

That beautiful girl you want to approach. You know you’ll never see her again. Logically you don’t care. But you’re body locks up and says “Don’t fucking do it!”

That girl that you really really like, who just isn’t into you enough. Perhaps you’ve given all your power away to her. You’ve turned into a mouse. There’s no way you can be yourself around her.

That group of friends you like to hang out with. They seem so funny, cool and carefree. But around them, you become careful. You might have something to add, but you know if you do, it will come out all wrong.

You can learn to eliminate your inhibition. You can learn to express your true personality around everyone you meet, including people who you really truly like and care about.

Part of this is practice. And part of this is learning new skills. As your skills improve, you become less inhibited because you are more confident that what you are doing and saying will have the intended result.

Learning to instantly recognize when you are inhibited is an important step to becoming free from self-judgement.

You aren’t stupid. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your body fighting you is part of this whole process. You are a cool person, it’s just a matter of finding that person.

How do you find that cool person?

Find a baseline, someone whom you are truly yourself around.

Perhaps it’s around a close friend. Or a family member. Maybe it’s your 8-year-old cousin. Or a girl you’re just not interested in.

You act care-free, creative and FUN. You’re like a little kid again, not worrying about the consequences of your words and actions.

Somehow this person will laugh at everything you say, and the words that come out of your mouth will be that much more excellent.

Ironically, just when it matters the least, just when you least “need it,” your true personality shines through in all it’s glory.

That’s who you are.

You can practice being who you are. You can learn who you are.

You are training for the Olympics. Your gold medal is that girl you truly care most about. That girl you want from the inner depth of your being.

When you finally meet her, will your true self shine through when you’re around her? Or will you be inhibited?

That’s up to you. You won’t always be at the top of your game. But you put yourself into more and more challenging situations, and you begin to recognize this demon called inhibition.

You go out and keep pushing it. Next time you’ll be closer to ready.

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition

COMMENTS
14 responses
Daygamer says:

Wow, so this thing is called inhibition. I was explaining this to a friend one time and didn’t know this is what it’s called. But yes, I have a severe case of this. I’m more talkative and expressive around my family members but even around my friends others I don’t know, I clam up and people say I’m quiet. It’s funny because even around my good friends, I’m not the same person as I am when I’m with my immediate family members.

Bad Hamster says:

Inhibition was definitely part of the “take home message” for me from the seminar last Saturday. That was hilarious when you were like, “Are you guys stupid?” haha. Nope. Just inhibited, I guess.

PATRICK CAULFIELD says:

yet another excellent post keep it coming!!!

cj says:

Yea I’m the same as Daygamer. I am myself around family but around anyone else I’m the most introverted person EVER. I have problems talking even to my closest friends. And it’s pretty much impossible with girls I’m into, I just generally don’t talk to them at all. So, you got any other hints how to fight inhibition? (alcohol works sometimes, you just need to get the right amount otherwise you obviously look like a fool)

strat says:

Thanks Eric.

Daygamer says:

Yeah, it would be great Eric, if you have other suggestions to combat this. I mean…I’m gradually becoming less inhibited but are there exercises you can recommend? I remember when I was around 12, I couldn’t even tell a story in front of my good friends.

CJ,
I hear ya. I used to be dead silent around girls I like too. But nowadays, I fight thru my hesitation and talk to them anyway. Even if it’s asking for the time or direction, I just do it and eject. At times, when I feel a little more ballsy, I would tell her she’s cute and roll with it.
I think you can start by just asking for the time/direction with cute girls you see on the street or at the mall, etc. Do that 5 times a day and it gets you in the mindset of seeing a cute girl, walking up to her and interacting with her. As for inhibition, that’s probably another skillset to learn.

Matt Savage says:

Wow, great post. Though, I’m still not sure on the difference between inhibition and approach anxiety, or are they pretty much the same thing?

Regardless, I got quite a bit of whatever it is just an hour ago at lunch. The cutest girl I’ve seen all year sat right next to me and I did nothing. I wanted to talk to her, I knew what I should do, but still I could not fight my mind’s resistance to take a risk….ughh. I hate it when that happens.

Ocean says:

Listen to Hypnotica and take 5 minutes out of your day and reframe you mind.
“You already know what they will say, it has all been tested.. many new AFC became PUA with the same material.. every 1 in 1000 person says his fear of rejection or worst case scenario was true, but you aren’t one of them because they don’t want to learn and use the material provided for thier success.. you are superior, better, more confident, you walk like ur the king of england and nothing should matter”

I’m gradually becoming less inhibited but are there exercises you can recommend?

Whenever you feel the impetus to say something, act on it. You may screw it up the first few times, but that is the extrovert urge and you need to listen to it. You need to develop it like a muscle.

Most of this website is actually dedicated to conquering that inhibition. That’s what inner game is. It’s all about inhibition and letting go of it.

The outer game is interpersonal skills, and that’s important too. But if you could only focus on one, I would focus on inner game. The outter game builds on top of that.

In terms of becoming overall less inhibited, check out Open Your Mouth And Keep Opening It.

R. Seshaya says:

Very useful info… thanks for sharing!

Quick Facts says:

You you could edit the blog name Recognize Your Inhibition and You’re Closer To Ready | Approach Anxiety to more specific for your content you create. I enjoyed the the writing nevertheless.

Kharma says:

This is all well and good, except for those of us who have NEVER, and I am serious when I say never, known or allowed to be expressed our so-called true selves.

For me, the root lies in childhood trauma. I refuse to go into that in any detail. But suffice to say I learned at an early age to have total, un-erring control over my emotions, my “self,” and my reactions. So much so that I can’t – 40 plus years later – “let go.”

Any wonderful words of wisdom for those like me?

Zhelyazko says:

@ Kharma watch Fight Club then practice http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/index.php :)

Zhelyazko says:

it is not a commercial (meaning I get nothing out of anyone watching/visitng the site)

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