My mind is a blank slate.
I sit there on the phone with her and can’t think of a single good thing to say.
I spent the entire weekend talking to attractive women. I have dates lined up with attractive women this week. I’ve been teaching a weekend workshop, for Chrissakes, on how to talk to women!
But I have nothing to say to her. All I can think of is to ask her about herself.
I glance back over my weekend and even further back over my week looking for something interesting to share.
Nothing. It seems like I haven’t done anything interesting. Ever.
“G2G” she says to me.
“G2G?” I respond.
“Got to go.”
“Cool,” I say as I get off the phone with her.
Good things have happened to me! Funny things I could have shared. But with this particular girl, because of our history, I was paralyzed.
What’s wrong with me? AM I STUPID????
No. I am merely inhibited.
I’m not worried. I’ve felt it enough times to know. There are certain situations we get into where we are paralyzed.
That beautiful girl you want to approach. You know you’ll never see her again. Logically you don’t care. But you’re body locks up and says “Don’t fucking do it!”
That girl that you really really like, who just isn’t into you enough. Perhaps you’ve given all your power away to her. You’ve turned into a mouse. There’s no way you can be yourself around her.
That group of friends you like to hang out with. They seem so funny, cool and carefree. But around them, you become careful. You might have something to add, but you know if you do, it will come out all wrong.
Part of this is practice. And part of this is learning new skills. As your skills improve, you become less inhibited because you are more confident that what you are doing and saying will have the intended result.
Learning to instantly recognize when you are inhibited is an important step to becoming free from self-judgement.
You aren’t stupid. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your body fighting you is part of this whole process. You are a cool person, it’s just a matter of finding that person.
How do you find that cool person?
Find a baseline, someone whom you are truly yourself around.
Perhaps it’s around a close friend. Or a family member. Maybe it’s your 8-year-old cousin. Or a girl you’re just not interested in.
You act care-free, creative and FUN. You’re like a little kid again, not worrying about the consequences of your words and actions.
Somehow this person will laugh at everything you say, and the words that come out of your mouth will be that much more excellent.
Ironically, just when it matters the least, just when you least “need it,” your true personality shines through in all it’s glory.
That’s who you are.
You can practice being who you are. You can learn who you are.
You are training for the Olympics. Your gold medal is that girl you truly care most about. That girl you want from the inner depth of your being.
When you finally meet her, will your true self shine through when you’re around her? Or will you be inhibited?
That’s up to you. You won’t always be at the top of your game. But you put yourself into more and more challenging situations, and you begin to recognize this demon called inhibition.
You go out and keep pushing it. Next time you’ll be closer to ready.