Today we have a guest post from Pickup 101 coach Alexandra!
Several years back, I ran into an old high school friend.
He asked me out on a date.
The first date happened to be the week of my birthday. After dinner he invited me back to his apartment.
To my surprise he had 9 dozen roses, 3 huge boxes of Godiva chocolates, sterling silver chop sticks with a little elephant chopstick holder, a chocolate bar of soap, some kind of board game that was called, ‘strip chocolate’ and a stuffed bear the size of Texas!
No joke.. this thing must have cost at least $300 for the bear alone.
I guess he wanted to catch my attention.
In the following weeks, I received flowers 2-3 times a week delivered to my door, along with stuffed ducks in bath robes and a trip to Disney World.
The relationship was over within 2 months.
I was totally turned off.
Was it nice? Sure I enjoyed the $600 dinners.
But did it make me attracted to him?
No. Not one bit.
Most guys assume that you have to plan some elaborate date and wine and dine in order to create attraction.
In actuality though, when you meet someone’the right someone’ it doesn’t matter if they take you for tofu on a stick or a $150 steak.
Attraction is created within seconds of meeting someone. And in many instances before the first words are even exchanged.
I categorize guys when I first meet them. I just get this feeling throughout my body.
I can tell what kind of relationship we’re going to have, if we’re going to be just friends, if it’s going to be short term, long term or if it’s not going to happen at all. I know this all within the first few minutes of meeting someone.
And then there are those times when you weren’t even looking to meet someone and it throws you off guard because you are suddenly presented with some incredible person standing in front of you. When you are least expecting something, that’s when it happens. In my experience, those have been the best relationships. When you are not even looking.
So if it’s not the $600 dinners, how do you do it? How do you just be that right someone?
Practice your skills with as many women as you can. You may go though 20 or maybe 50 women. But it’s on that day that you decide not to shave and you step out into your apartment hallway in your favorite Sponge Bob boxers and your Grizzly Bear slippers to grab your morning paper when you look up and there she is! The hottest woman you have ever seen, who just happens to adore Sponge Bob and thinks those slippers are all that and a bag of chips!
Are you the kind of guy who would just stand there totally embarrassed thinking, Â¡Ã†Oh my god.. RUN!’ or are you going to be the guy who is ready with the confidence to deliver the funniest, silliest banter line she has ever heard? You melt her with your charm, and touch her in just the right way. Next thing you know she is joining you for breakfast. Believe me, it happens just like that.
The point is, you have to have the skills necessary to take the best action that will lead you to hotter women! And you have to be able to seize the opportunity when the time comes.
Women like and prefer men who know what they’re doing! When a guy seems all fumbly and bumbly, it’s a turn off. I can’t say it any other way. When a man can take control and show that he knows what he’s doing, that is when he is the sexiest.
Women sense these things immediately.
You might think that the fancy dinner may win you points, but the truth is that most women will take the dinner or two.. and then leave you high and dry’exactly why you shouldn’t spend a lot of money on dates. There are plenty of super fun and romantic things to do for little or no cost.
Whether it turns out to be a serious relationship or not, it’s got to start with the real you. Your skills are what allows you to display your personality and be yourself around her. Targeting a woman with your money will not get you what you’re really looking for.
There is nothing wrong with a small token that she can think of you by. I personally think it’s really nice when a guy makes a sweet gesture of that sort. If you like her, show it! But don’t go overboard.
So you may be thinking, was I taking advantage of the guy who was spending a fortune on me? I’ll tell you exactly what was on my mind.
I liked the guy, he was funny, incredibly intelligent, and adventurous. So what happened?
He came on too strong and I could tell he had no experience of any kind. He thought he could move through the relationship hopping from pricey activity to the next pricey activity hoping that that would cover up the fact that he had no idea what to do to attract a woman.
For me, that was the let down. He didn’t know what to do with me. He didn’t know how to have fun with me, how to lead me, or how to touch me. He was unsure of himself and I sensed he was questioning every move he made.
He thought he was following the classic steps of dating, but it was like he was going through the motions without really connecting. The interesting thing is he was really nice–super sweet. I kept telling myself that maybe I could make myself feel something deeper.
I believe that it doesn’t matter what you do on your first date, as long as you are just having fun together and continually building genuine rapport. If you know what you’re doing, you can be attractive no matter what activity you do or how much you spend.
One of the best dates I ever had was running through the neighbor’s garden sprinklers until we were both completely soaked! And how much did it cost?? NOTHING! How much fun did we have?? WHOA!! How much attraction was built!? Too much to mention.
The moral is: Don’t be the guy that I just told you about. Women are attracted to guys who know what they’re doing. The more women you date- the more skills and experience you will have, which leads to being ready when you meet the right one.