Comments on: To Challenge Her Is To Love Her http://approachanxiety.com/2007/06/to-challenge-her-is-to-love-her/ Turn Your Fear of Approaching Women into Confidence Thu, 17 May 2012 14:04:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: John Doe http://approachanxiety.com/2007/06/to-challenge-her-is-to-love-her/comment-page-1/#comment-1857 John Doe Thu, 12 Jul 2007 21:47:37 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=124#comment-1857 Ten years ago, my grandmother died. Even as she got older and physically incapacitated, she was still mentally sharp. But as most elderly, she lost touch with exactly what was going on outside of the house. Her stern advice, while well-meaning, was antiquated and rarely helpful. Other members of my family got annoyed with her and treated her like a child. They yes’ed her whenever she gave advice. “Yes Grandma.” “Okay Grandma.” I didn’t let her get away with anything. When she made wrong assumptions, I put her in her place. When she gave unhelpful advice, I told her the advice sucked and why. I continued to challenge her. I treated her like an adult and continued to share and open up to her. To me, this is one of the most important parts of love you can bestow on someone, to treat them like an adult and challenge them. Awesome sentiment, true love is being able to hurt someone short term to benefit them long term. Ten years ago, my grandmother died. Even as she got older and physically incapacitated, she was still mentally sharp.

But as most elderly, she lost touch with exactly what was going on outside of the house. Her stern advice, while well-meaning, was antiquated and rarely helpful.

Other members of my family got annoyed with her and treated her like a child. They yes’ed her whenever she gave advice. “Yes Grandma.” “Okay Grandma.”

I didn’t let her get away with anything.

When she made wrong assumptions, I put her in her place.

When she gave unhelpful advice, I told her the advice sucked and why.

I continued to challenge her. I treated her like an adult and continued to share and open up to her.

To me, this is one of the most important parts of love you can bestow on someone, to treat them like an adult and challenge them.

Awesome sentiment, true love is being able to hurt someone short term to benefit them long term.

]]> By: Alan http://approachanxiety.com/2007/06/to-challenge-her-is-to-love-her/comment-page-1/#comment-1565 Alan Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:03:15 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=124#comment-1565 Good post. I agree with what you've written. It reminds me of a statement that my professor in a Decisions Processes class made many years ago, "The value of information is related to the propensity it has to change your mind." If I have a different opinion and don't express it to her, but instead continue to blindly agree to placate her, what have I added to the conversation? Absolutely nothing. I've contributed no value. It's similar to how high-up managers regularly seek certain people's opinions because they're willing to speak openly when they disagree, passing by an army of "yes men" who may out-rank those certain trusted people. While there's much to be said about putting things tactfully, there's also much to be said about being willing to challenge a girl's opinions. Good post. I agree with what you’ve written. It reminds me of a statement that my professor in a Decisions Processes class made many years ago, “The value of information is related to the propensity it has to change your mind.” If I have a different opinion and don’t express it to her, but instead continue to blindly agree to placate her, what have I added to the conversation? Absolutely nothing. I’ve contributed no value. It’s similar to how high-up managers regularly seek certain people’s opinions because they’re willing to speak openly when they disagree, passing by an army of “yes men” who may out-rank those certain trusted people. While there’s much to be said about putting things tactfully, there’s also much to be said about being willing to challenge a girl’s opinions.

]]> By: Brian http://approachanxiety.com/2007/06/to-challenge-her-is-to-love-her/comment-page-1/#comment-1513 Brian Mon, 18 Jun 2007 16:05:52 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=124#comment-1513 I'd have to agree. I've had wonderful times with girls before and figured out what they meant when they said the nice guy fails. You can certainly be the nice guy, but telling a cute girl she is beautiful won't get you anywhere, shes heard it a hundred times before. Its the guy who tells her something she doesn't know that gets her attention. Beautiful women are use to people being nice to them, its the guy who does something she isn't use to that grabs her attention. I've had women turn me down and say I wasn't a challenge, I said to myself what in the hell - you've got to be kidding me. What went through my head at this point was all of the points you raise here, she wants a relationship right? She wants me to be nice right? Yes, she does. But she also wants there to be a challenge and something unique about you. Relationships aren't like buying milk at the grocery store. Its like deciding which $100,000 car you want - right down to the wheels, rims, and every color from bumper to bumper. As much as they give the impression they want you to agree and be perfect... They're not telling you they'd secretly like something to be wrong with you. I’d have to agree. I’ve had wonderful times with girls before and figured out what they meant when they said the nice guy fails. You can certainly be the nice guy, but telling a cute girl she is beautiful won’t get you anywhere, shes heard it a hundred times before. Its the guy who tells her something she doesn’t know that gets her attention. Beautiful women are use to people being nice to them, its the guy who does something she isn’t use to that grabs her attention. I’ve had women turn me down and say I wasn’t a challenge, I said to myself what in the hell – you’ve got to be kidding me. What went through my head at this point was all of the points you raise here, she wants a relationship right? She wants me to be nice right? Yes, she does. But she also wants there to be a challenge and something unique about you. Relationships aren’t like buying milk at the grocery store. Its like deciding which $100,000 car you want – right down to the wheels, rims, and every color from bumper to bumper.

As much as they give the impression they want you to agree and be perfect… They’re not telling you they’d secretly like something to be wrong with you.

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