Be There In The Moment With Her

by Eric Disco
Jun 19

You want to improve. Your desire is strong. You’re driven. That’s why you’re here.

You weren’t happy with what you had in the past. But mostly, you weren’t happy with yourself.

You found a way to tap into yourself. You found a path to improvement.

You thought that it wasn’t possible before. Perhaps you spent a lot of time feeling sorry for yourself.

But now things are different. You realize you can actually change yourself. You can speak to people you didn’t think you could speak to. You can learn and grow.

And not just theoretically.

That girl that you desire? You can walk up to her and talk to her.

Perhaps you are no longer paralyzed by your fear. You feel your heart race a bit, but you do it anyway.

And if she rejects you, it’s okay.

This isn’t the first girl you’ve approached and it certainly won’t be the last.

At the start, everything was a big blur. You had this huge giant rock in front of you blocking your vision. It was called Approach Anxiety. With every interaction you felt like an out-of-control steam engine, just happy to have gotten over your fear of approaching her.

But now you’ve calmed down a bit. You still get excited to approach, but your head and your heart don’t scream into overdrive. Every interaction is no longer an emergency.

Maybe you even walk away from a few girls now.

But you still want to improve. So you learn to tweak the minutiae of the interaction.

Maybe act a little less needy. Maybe banter with her more or escalate a little faster. Risk a bit more.

I have goals for myself. I want to improve. I’m always looking to improve. This is a constant struggle with myself. It’s a beautiful struggle.

I’ve come so far.

But one thing I’ve noticed is that no matter how far I come, I’m never satisfied.

Is that a good thing?

Well, yes and no.

It keeps driving me.

But lately I’ve learned to appreciate every moment I have with a woman.

Yesterday I was in the park. I saw a girl sitting there and walked up to her and talked to her. I had to force myself to focus on her and what she was saying rather than thinking about what I’m doing next.

Yes, it’s good to have in mind what you’re going to do and say next.

Am I going to invite her out on an instant date for coffee?

If she asks me where I’m from, will I give her a boring answer, or do I have something interesting to say?

Am I leading her into rapport, am I really opening up to her and making myself vulnerable?

Great things to think about, but sometimes I find myself thinking too much instead of listening. I’m looking into her eyes and I hear the words coming out. But I’m not listening.

This is detrimental on a lot of levels. For one, I’m not going to be able to truly interact with her.

But beyond even that, the most important part about it is that I want to enjoy what I’m doing with her. If I’m not enjoying it, what’s the point?

One of the best ways to be in the moment, to truly enjoy your life and find satisfaction, is to listen to what other people are saying without thinking about what you’re going to say next.

Few people do this.

There’s a time to think about what you’re going to say and do next. You’re the man, you need to lead the interaction.

But more importantly there’s a time to just sit and enjoy her company. Soak it all in. Be there in her presence.

Set aside your desire to learn and grow and just enjoy her.

Because if you can’t enjoy her now, when will you enjoy her?

Once you have sex with her? Once she’s your girlfriend? Once you’re married and have babies?

Start now. Right now, at this very moment. Don’t wait any longer or it will never come.

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posted in Rapport Skills, Self-Improvement Strategies

COMMENTS
5 responses
John says:

Beautiful!

I’ve noted that you, guys at pickup101, have a very romantic (in the good sense) way of look at the seduction process. No wonder that with that human approach you get results.

Best regards.

JamesBond008 says:

Dear Erik,

Am writing to you because you have been a great inspiration to me when it comes to dating life. For the first time I felt I can talk to girls anywhere and everywhere without technics and manipulation but am so FRUSTRATED.
I go talk to girls am careful with my bodylanguage, trying to have a relaxed arms, shoulders, cheast and smile and just focus on giving them a good vibe. I have to admit that I had 4 instant dates and most of the time I get them atleast smiling but in an uniterested manner. I love to make people smile and happy and I think am a very FRIENDLY GUY, and I don’t look scary at all but I never had a day 2, I wish to have a girl friend, I start to be a little SKEPTICAL about being DIRECT…I wish it is the best way…am afraid that I would be delivering too much interest, am afraid that I come across as a desperate foreinger trying to pickup a girl. I don’t even know do girls really know how hard it is for a guy to come tell her that she is cute?, or she is attractive? or put himself in very vulnerable situations such as going and almost embarcing himself infront of everyone in the superstore or library just to talk to her? Can they recognize that am not drunk?, can they recogize that it is very hard in such environments during the day to take her home and have sex with her the same night a dream for those going to night clubs. AM FUCKING BURSTING IN TEARS RIGHT NOW! Because I feel it is SO UNFAIR I hear horror stories about the guys picking up the girls in nightclub or bars with some lazy ass lines and still that doesn’t seem to work.
I get so scared when I go talk to them in the street or whatever place, I can’t think of any funny indirect line, they only thing I can do is tell them that I did notice them and wanted to come talk to them and am good at flirting myself. I will not lie to you, I wouldn’t ever imagin doing cold approaches 2 months ago, I got 3 instant dates for the first time ever, most of the time I get the girls smiling to me and atleast getting flattered about myself talking to them but things don’t go to the next level, I don’t UNDERSTAND, I get BULLSHITS LIKE I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, or AM IN A HURRY, AM GOING TO WORK. I wish I would take a WORK SHOP with YOU and GET RID OF THIS SHIT FOREVER, but am so poor, you workshop is maybe 200 times the salary I earn per month am actually a STUDENT even your products is difficult to me. I read your blog spots and am trying?
Am not telling that am not getting good receptivity when I go talk to girls, they usually are very happy and one even told me people of my country would be shy coming to me like that…but my day 2s is only 1 and she came with her boyfriend how FRUSTRATING IS THAT?
PLease guys help me with any advice, am a good guy and I flirt and tease and I don’t act like a wuss and my body language is not bad and I go out with girls and they have incredible time around me and people think we are couples but I still can’t generate this FUCKING ATTRACTION. I heard from DAVID DEANGELO that in the first 60 seconds they can act uniterested but they love it and you need to be a little bit persistant, I wish that is true?
PLease please please advice, pleasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeee, am losing hope. You guys had they goal OF MAKING PEOPLE HAVE HAPPY RELATIONSHIP AND THAT WHAT MAKES YOUR COMPANY ONE OF THE MOST MORALISTIC AND RESPECTED PICKUP COMPANIES. PLease tell what can I be doing wrong. Am I mixing something up, am I just not recoginizing the signals or what is it?

Thanks

Yours

James

Andrew says:

I hope Eric will answer to your comment. But, I am kind of in the same boat. I think you are thinking too much man! You have to have a fuck attitude and don’t give a damn to the outcome. Remember that we are doing this just to have a good and enjoyable time. I have heard a lot of those shits from girls too. But I really don’t care! I remember one day a girl in day 2 told me that she has a boyfriend! I told her in a relax way: Just one? In my country girls like you have 3 or 4 boyfriends… and she couldn’t stop laughing. I am happy that I can do this and I appreciate myself and I know one day I will succeed .A lot of my friends can’t even imagine to have a cold approach. This game has improved my social life as well…
And one more thing James, it really depends on the city you are and the type of the girls you are trying to approach. In some cities girls are more shy and unsocial and some cities they are more open minded. I live in Seattle and lots of my friends tell me that here it is hard to find a girl through direct approaches (cold) they usually find mate trough friends. But, in other cities situation are different.

Dude! Remember that we are doing this to be happy so don’t be disappointed and keep it up!

Brian says:

Of all the advice I’ve ever had, its that you have to go in and not overthink, care, or be trying to pick her up. You literally have to go in, not care what happens, and your goal has to be nothing more than to say hello and let things flow naturally from there. If you can get past the anxiety enough to say hello, that is where you need to gravitate to. Don’t try to be too perfect either, remember to challenge them. This would include causing some sort of conflict. You sound like you’re way too desperate.

James says:

Eric,

This is a great post. It hits on all of the emotions that I’m experiencing as I’m starting to believe that I can talk to women that I’m interested in.

Thanks for mentioning your site the other night in the cab in SF. I can’t wait to read on…

Cheers,
James (from Detroit)

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