Is Approaching Strangers Really Worth It?

by Eric Disco
May 17

I used to think my brother-in-law didn’t like me. He and I are different in a lot of ways. But the main difference is that he is a naturally confident guy. He’s the type that’s not afraid to speak up and say whatever he wants. Naturally gregarious.

Whenever I got around him I become even more quiet and introverted, as shy guys often do around extroverted people. He would “bust” on me an crack jokes. I thought it meant that he didn’t like me. But that was just his way of communicating.

I saw him recently and everything was completely different. We got along. No, we didn’t get along famously. But we enjoyed each other’s company. And it’s all because I was able to stop worrying about the things that didn’t matter.

I often tell people that pickup is the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life. I don’t know if approaching girls is for everyone. But I believe that if you want it badly enough, anyone can get there.

And it will have a huge positive impact on your life.

I don’t worry about things as much as I used to. By learning to approach strangers, I’ve become “desensitized” to a lot of worries that just aren’t relevent.

After making a joke in front of people, I used to think and think and think about it. I’d review it in my head. I’d wonder, did I just say something inappropriate? Was that even really funny? What do they think of me now? Did it make the other people feel weird? Maybe he felt uncomfortable because of whatever…

I used to torture myself over the smallest things.

And the missed opportunities were even worse.

I used to go to therapy like probably everybody else in New York City. I had a great therapist Therapy is awesome, actually. I really enjoyed it. Where else can you go to yap your head off for a hour and say whatever you feel? It was kinda fun.

But all the years of therapy I went to didn’t come close to even 10% of what pickup has done for me. I learned some about myself in therapy, but pickup has left me more mentally balanced than anything I’ve ever done.

I learned to be a whole person.

Humans are social creatures. Whether we want to accept it or not, your social life is your mental life. If you are unhappy socially, it is very difficult to be happy mentally.

I used to feel sorry for myself. I’d see a guy with an attractive girl and I didn’t have any girl. I didn’t know how to change myself. So I felt sorry for myself.

I recently realized that I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. It’s not because I never get frustrated, or lonely, or lose out with girls, it’s because I feel like I have a way to improve myself and not be in that pathetic state.

I am now empowered.

There’s a difference, interacting with people on a level of being equals. Not living my life as an apology.

I don’t always connect with people. Sometimes I connect with people on a deep level and other times it’s just okay.

But I no longer leave the situation with huge amounts of guilt and shame, wondering what I did wrong or could have done right.

It’s not an easy road, but let me tell you, it’s worth it. Every step you take toward dealing with those difficult emotions that accompany becoming a confident person is a step closer to the person you want to be.


posted in Self-Improvement Strategies

4 responses
MikeNYC says:

Damn Eric, everything you mentioned i went through at one point in my life too. things like social anxiety and worrying about what people think of you was huge for me.

i realized that i’m actual pretty good at being extroverted and outgoing. it was like my biggest weakness became one of my best strengths, a strength that has a lot of potential.

you def do come off as a quite guy to me, i could still sense it in you. but you also had these bursts of confidence that really show a different side.

this is all from knowing you a limited amount of time of course. but people can get a good handle on what a persons like from a short period of time.

have you ever asked people how you come across now compared to before? maybe ask your bro in law? ask people who have not seen you for a year or 2. i bet you have. and the response has been soemthing like “you’re a lot more confident now”. this all stems from the absence of social anxiety, and not caring how you come across.


Ben Marlin says:

Great post, Eric. I like how you give equal time to the outer and inner aspects of pickup. Your description of wholeness gives me something to shoot for.

I was at a convention today, surrounded by alpha males. Goddamn, I thought I’d mastered a few of Carlos Xuma’s tips, but I was NOTHING like these guys. And I completely clammed up. So I can relate to the way you used to be.

I’m still shrinking away from most pickup opportunities. But reading your blog each day brings me a little closer to busting through that fear. Keep it up.

JamesBond008 says:

You are the best guy in the world next to ‘me’. Just Kidding man. I just feel that you really understand people, and I can relate to them. I always feel good when am able to interact with a stranger, I have tried to go directly open a cute girl and I was terrified espacially from my last library rejection (I hope you rember me) and guess what…I got an awesome result and we instant date. Am not sure if we will see again I will call and hope we will see each other but this was my 3rd time to approach in that bold confidence and my second time to get an awesome reaction. But trully I felt so confident when she smiled to my approach…I felt I can hug the world and embrace the world around me…I felt that I can creat happiness in this world.
Am so poor and am dying to take a workshop to get with the crew not to learn only who to get unbelievebly attractive women but also to get to know the people who makes people feel great about themselves without trying too hard. I never would believe that an ugly guy like me can make cute girls smile Thank you man. I never had that motivation to talk to strangers except after prayers, and make girlssmile. By the way sorry for being suspicious but even though I succed with atttractive girls I still always get suspicious that an ugly guy like me can go to an unbelievebly hot and beautiful girl and just tell her that I wanted to meet her or ‘I offer a choclate to every attractive girl I see’. I know I shouldn’t be suspicious, but this pickup is so new to me and I have approached many girls before but only 3 times did I go like boldly to the girl and telling them I want to talk to them and I like it because its easier, and it gets 100 times better reaction and makes the girl smile, I wish I could just listen to Lance that any opener I choose work anywhere if done right. Hope to hear some wanderful insights from you…
This is one of the top 3 sites to get over you approach anxiety
Thanks alot alot

sam says:

Hey Erik,I really like your advice to us shy people,I’m always shy to approach women,when I see attractive women I always pro tend I’m very important person but I’m not,its just kind of replacement of my shyness,but now I think after reading your comments I”ll turn to a devil,let me try it and see if it works.will update u,thanks a lot.