Are You Being Genuine?

by Eric Disco
May 2

Yesterday, one of my friends said he wants to start going out and approaching twenty girls a day. I respect him and think it’s cool that he has that much drive and ambition.

Going out for a number of hours in one day can be a good thing. Your skills will improve a lot.

However, it left me wondering, even if you could approach that many girls every day, how genuine would you really be?

An important part of learning to approach women is learning to integrate it into your life. You don’t want to be a pickup machine. You want to be a NATURAL. Integrating pickup into your life takes time. A bit of progress every day.

Going out for long periods of time can make you mechanical because you have less of a life outside of picking up girls. You end up needing more scripted material and risk becoming fake.

Scripted material can be great. Knowing what to say at the right time can be a godsend.

When she says “We’re not having sex tonight,” it’s great if you can fire back a response like “Don’t use your reverse psychology on me. We’re not having sex tonight!” (Credit Jerry, recent AoA graduate).

It’s good to have words. I talk about it in a lot of my post. Have More Fun in the First Three Minutes. Tell Better Stories–and Get the Girl.

Having something laid out to say at the beginning is one of the most important things to building consistency. It’s a huge stumbling block for some guys, that they aren’t consistent with what they say. They’re left thinking about what to say instead of taking action.

In our workshops we give guys the words to say when they approach a girl. There are a lot of good reasons for this.

We don’t want guys pressuring themselves to think up brilliant things to say when they’re already nervous.

We don’t want them to have the excuse “I didn’t know what to say.”

There are few things more frustrating than when a guy doesn’t approach because he doens’t know what to say. It’s happened to myself too too many times.

But here’s a little secret: we give guys the words to say because WE DON’T WANT THEM FOCUSING ON THE WORDS. We want them focusing on other things.

It’s a problem when guys start to focus too much on the words. Guys expend a lot of energy trying to find the right thing to say. It seems as if we could just say the right words, we would win the girl over.

In the long run the words you use will change eventually. You’ll get bored with certain banter and stories. You’ll try different openers out.

Know what you won’t doesn’t change? Good body language. Solid inner game. This stuff only builds on itself and improves over time.

I’ve noticed that someone else’s words just won’t have the same effect as talking about things I really care about. I’ve noticed that when I’m talking about something I’m really into, my face lights up. I smile. And the girl notices it too.

Every once in a while I like to drop all the routines, just to see where I am. Instead of walking up to a girl in a bar with some wicked banter, I’ll just walk up and say hi. See what happens.

Sometimes it works out. She’ll see my massive confidence and I’ll naturally display that I’m fun and cool.

Other times she pretty much tells me to fuck off. And it reminds me of why I use certain tools. How, for example, if I don’t use banter in a nightclub, a lot of times the interaction just starts off boring.

I’m scared to death of becoming a mechanical robot. Call me a hopeless romantic, but part of me really wants to meet “the one.” Part of me thinks this is all a numbers game and eventually I’ll run into her.

Yeah, I have a lot of learning and growing to do before then, but I still want to be open to it. I still want it to be “me” that she talks to. Hopefully the best version of me, but still me.

I still use scripts. It’s an important part of improving. I make them mine as much as I can. I sometimes use other people’s words.

But the most touching and endearing things happen when I DON’T say the right thing, when I’ve actually made myself vulnerable to her. It is an opportunity to be genuine, to say something new I’ve never said before.

That’s when I see the real me and hopefully she does too.

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posted in Rapport Skills, Self-Improvement Strategies

COMMENTS
7 responses
GBG says:

what are some good ‘scripts’ to practice on my own. to get in the flow of things?

Mike says:

This isn’t much on topic, but oh well. Last weekend I actually approached someone. It’s a first step, and not that much, but to me it meant a lot. I don’t know why, but I really didn’t feel that much anxiety. The conversation didn’t last long though. I think for me the problem is more what to say than fear of saying it.

Anyway I like your blog because you seem real. Some of the other sites seem to be somewhat fake, and I agree that isn’t what I want to be. I want an awesome woman not a bunch of one night stands. In the mean time I wouldn’t mind the latter though.

what are some good ’scripts’ to practice on my own. to get in the flow of things?

There are some good ‘scripts’ in this post, Have More Fun In the First Three Minutes.

I also like to just walk up to women and say ‘Hi.’ I think that’s the best ‘script’ of all.

You can still work in banter after hi: Are you enjoying the weather this afternoon? You wish it were warmer? Tell you what, I’ll talk to my people and see what I can do. Etc.

Walter says:

I’ve thought about this issue of routines, what to say, and the need to approach. It’s like a chicken and egg thing.

We all want to approach women and pratice our skills, but for what? To be a cooler, more attractive guy. Now would a cooler, more attractive need to approach twenty women a day to assert himself? Most likely not.

As for routines, we all use our own set of lines and stories – it’s inevitable. We all have one story of where we’re from, what we do, etc. Our humor tends to run along certain lines.

So the question for routines and what to say are: would a cooler, more attractive guy need to think of what to say or simply flow into it because he can present himself naturally while relying on stories and lines he’s told to tons of other people?

-Walter

Anonymous says:

I see Walter agrees with me.

Approaching random women 20 times a day reinforces to a guy that he is a beggar. Using stock routines reinforces to a guy that he does not have his own interesting life stories. Practicing reinforces to a guy that he is not in it for real.

The solution is to be a real, cool guy. That’s the type of guy who can engage women in meaningful conversation with smart, interesting, and witty anecdotes from his fulfilling life.

Pickup seminars are band-aids and aren’t real solutions. Pickup instructors just teach students how to copy cool guys, but just copying Babe Ruth’s swing ain’t gonna get you any homeruns anytime soon.

MikeNYC says:

food for thought, Eric. this has indeed become an issue for me

I never thought i would have this problem, i always considered myself a naturally fun and social guy. but when the fear grips you on the approach its easy to hide behind your routines. I do come off as running a script, or as reaction seeking. either way its less then genuine.

this has become a big focus for me at this particular point in my progression. your post is def informative and helpful.

thanks.
-Mike.

John Doe says:

”but just copying Babe Ruth’s swing ain’t gonna get you any homeruns anytime soon.”

I disagree completely, I think modelling someone who is sucessful in a particular endeavour is the quickest way to success. Anyway, everyone has different personalities so their is plenty of room for manoevre within the confines of being a cool, fun guy.

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