3 Steps to Feeling Good About Yourself in Social Situations

by Eric Disco
May 15

1. Know Yourself

I am an introvert. That means I need time alone to recharge.

You may see this as a weakness when it comes to pickup, but it’s also a strength. It means I am inherently sensitive. Yes sometimes I am hypersensitive.

But I have an advantage in connecting with one other person, even if I do have a disadvantage in connecting with five other people at a time.

To know yourself is to know where you are in this process.

I have done a lot of work on myself in this area. I have made wonderful progress. I feel wonderful in certain situations where before I would have felt fear and uncertainty.

In small groups of friends I am way more comfortable than I used to be. I used to have trouble with this. And I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be able to enjoy that now instead of being hypersensitive about things which I don’t need to be.

To know yourself is to know where you want to be.

I still have work to do. There are still situations where I don’t feel comfortable, where I would like to.

I don’t enjoy the club scene as much as I’d like to. Oftentimes I just don’t have fun. But I love the energy, just as I love the energy of New York City. I believe I can tap into that energy and enjoy it. Learning to enjoy it in some way is one of my goals.

Goals help you to keep focused and know you are improving even if the struggle is long.

2. Accept Yourself

To accept yourself is to live in the moment.

You can have goals but still be ready to enjoy yourself now. It can be difficult and challenging but you can still embrace the struggle from moment to moment.

Find ways to celebrate even the smallest of victories.

To accept yourself is to accept all of your feelings.

Be ready to accept the uncomfortable emotions that go along with this struggle.

Accepting allows you to feel and experience even painful moments while minimizing suffering. The suffering comes from thinking that you shouldn’t be feeling something.

Learn to accept every feeling and you learn to accept yourself.

When you can stop judging your own feelings, you stop judging yourself.

3. Love Yourself

Easier said than done.

Love is not a commandment. I am not commanding you to love yourself. I believe that’s bullshit. It’s not something you can just turn on.

The kind of love I’m talking about is commitment.

To love yourself is to be committed to experiencing life.

To love yourself is to allow yourself to experience everything you want in life.

How much commitment do you have to this process of interacting with other people?

How willing are you to experience rejection and love yourself anyway?

The best way to know yourself is not to run off onto a mountain and be alone and meditate, but to interact with other people. You have been avoiding it all your life and that is a sign that you haven’t loved yourself enough.

You weren’t sure whether you were acceptable. You are. You no longer need to live your life as an apology.

There is nothing else you need to change on your own before you begin interacting with other people.

Make a commitment to experience everything and everyone in life you want to.

Make a commitment to this process of finding out just how much you love yourself. You deserve to talk to other people, including strangers.

To love yourself is to challenge yourself.

You deserve to be challenged and talk to people who you are attracted to. You want to be loved but you don’t want to be loved by just anyone. You want to be challenged.

You want to step out of your comfort zone and find that love. You want to live up to your fullest potential. You want to find yourself doing things that you never dreamed possible. That’s self-love!

When you challenge yourself, you love yourself.

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posted in Acceptance

COMMENTS
5 responses
Juan says:

Hi Eric,

I found you blog a few days ago and I finally had time to get up to speed.

Like yourself, I am also an introvert. Up to not too recently I was uncomfortable even among my closest friends. Since emigrating to the US (now living in NYC) I have been forced to open up to new people or stay alone.

Between the new circumstances and consciously working towards improving myself, my friends back home keep commenting how different I am from the guy that left Caracas 6 years ago.

While I see the changes that I have gone through, I also feel I have a long way to go. Unlike yourself, I am nowhere near the level of instructing other guys. In fact, I have just started to have some moderated success. Unfortunately these successes have been limited to girls I’ve met though my social circles, and my cold approaches still need a lot of work.

I guess I am writing to tell you that I appreciate your blog, and that this last post was an eye opener. That an instructor in this is working through some of the same issues as I am is good motivation to keep moving forward.

Cheers,
Juan in NYC

Day Gamer says:

Eric, maybe you’re not into the club scene and should accept that? Like my situation, I recently accepted that I don’t enjoy bars and clubs so I accepted that and focus more on day game. Before, I would always think about having fun and enjoying myself at these places but it seem like I don’t because i can’t drink and feel out of place. What do you think?

Eric, maybe you’re not into the club scene and should accept that? Like my situation, I recently accepted that I don’t enjoy bars and clubs so I accepted that and focus more on day game. Before, I would always think about having fun and enjoying myself at these places but it seem like I don’t because i can’t drink and feel out of place. What do you think?

Hey Day Gamer,

That’s a great thought. I didn’t always enjoy pickup when I first started, but it was an amazing journey. I do sometimes enjoy clubs, but the energy gets to me sometimes. That’s why I feel like part of this is about learning to enjoy that energy.

I don’t know, though, you could be right.

Eric

Nick says:

Great post. REally reminds me of the book by Eckhart Tolle, “The Power of Now”.

Bad Hamster says:

Like Vladimir, I, too, always look for your posts in the forum. They help me through the bumps in the road. You have a real knack for being completely honest, and I want to thank you for it. I live in Jersey City, so when there’s an opportunity to take a workshop in NYC, I would definitely like to spend some time being coached by you (If I’m going to spend 2 grand, I want a coach I can relate with, for sure.). Thanks again.

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