Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like These

by Eric Disco
Apr 2

“That is so corny,” she says to me and turns around and walks away.

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch.

None of my openers are working today.

Nothing is sticking.

I’ve been slogging from store to store in the bitter New York City cold.

God, I’m a champ.

It’s like I can hear the Rocky theme song playing in the background. This is the beginning of my montage and girls are laughing at me and throwing drinks in my face.

Today sucks.

When things are going well it’s easy to feel like I’m king of the world.

Nobody has to tell me to keep up the good work after I connect with someone in a brilliant way or put a huge smile on a girl’s face.

It’s the other days when things are more difficult. Those are the days when I need to reach back and remember how things were.

Pickup Takes Emotional Energy and Can Be Emotionally Draining

I still remember the very first night I went out and approached women. I was lucky enough to have someone coaching me. I could not have done it without a coach.

But just the same, it felt like I’d been through a heavyweight title fight emotionally.

Yeah, I won, I came out on top, but it was one of the most emotionally draining nights of my life.

Even if I had the physical energy to go out six nights a week for four hours, the emotional drain for an introverted guy would have been too much at the beginning. There are a lot of emotions to deal with.

So I started with one approach a day.

When I got rejected or embarrassed it used to be a shock to my system. It affected me in every way: emotionally, intellectually, physically, and particularly–my motivation.

When I walked away from a rough rejection, the first thing I wanted to do was question EVERYTHING. I must be doing SOMETHING wrong.

It took a long time for me to get comfortable and not take it so personally.

Long Term Goals Smooth Out The Highs and The Lows

When you do pickup, you’ll have good days and bad days.

There will be days when everything seems to fall into place and days when you feel like you’re back at square one.

You’ll have great, wonderful interactions and others where it doesn’t go so well.

Having long term goals helps smooth that out.

On the bad days, you can know that with every approach you are improving, no matter what the outcome.

You have a vision of where you’re going.

Learning to deal with the challenging interactions can provide just as much growth, if not more, than the positive interacitons.

Focus On Different Aspects of Your Approach

Having goals also allows you to focus on different aspects of pickup.

For me there was a time period where for two months I focused only on body language.

Another few months I focused on physical escalation. Another on just banter.

A little while ago, I reached a point where I decided I needed to retool my banter and attract game.

I was trying out something completely new and different and it felt like I was back in kindergarten again.

My pickups weren’t working at first.

I was creeping girls out as if it were the first time I ever did pickup.

I felt really frustrated.

But I was able to keep it up and make huge breakthroughs, all because I had the end goal in mind.

I needed to allow myself to feel like I was back in kindergarten so that I could learn a new skill.

Having long term goals allowed me to go back to square one and master new skills.

Write Down Your Goals

Lance Mason talks about goal setting and how you should make your goals as specific as possible and write it down.

Want to have sex with a supermodel? Write it down.

Want to be able to walk into a club and walk out with the sexiest girl in 45 minutes? Write that goal down.

Want a girlfriend who’s hot, into poetry, and knows how to bake cinnamon crullers? Write it down.

It’s amazing how “the universe” provides when you ask for it specifically. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s all part of the “the secret.”)

But more than that, pickup is about you getting comfortable with yourself doing things you were never able to do before.

It’s about you being as comfortable around a super attractive girl you just met as you are around your younger bratty sister.

Becoming confident happens in the smallest of increments, often unnoticeable to you.

Setting up long term goals gives you the strength, motivation and long term persistence to become that confident person you always wanted to be.

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posted in Embarrassment and Rejection, Self-Improvement Strategies

COMMENTS
18 responses
MikeNYC says:

I welcome horrible days into my bosom with arms wide open. I have this belief that pain and frustration builds what you need for success. and I’m willing to stick with it through the days where the entire universe is against me.

I have yet to have a day where i’m so much off that children see me and run in fear. not to mention hot girls. I welcome the worst this entire process can throw at me because it can only make me stronger.

here’s soemthing that’s funny, and i don’t even write this on my own blog.

I park my car in Williamsburg right next to the river. I have a great view of the city from there.

after a really bad day of doing pickup, the type of day where you creep girls out, where you have nothing but awkward conversations, where you fuck things up that you thought you would never fuck up, where you fail your own goals, I walk back towards my car and as i walk i see the city lit up. its always nighttime by then.

as i’m next to my car I pause, look on the city’s skyline and say “is that it? is that all you can throw at me? is this the worst you can do? dont worry, i’ll be back tomorrow”

i’m not bulletproof. but i’d found a loophole. every set, bad or good is a little triumph in the huge struggle. day by day it seems lite a struggle. but looking back on the 3 months i’ve been CONSISTENTLY doing this i realize that i’ve had a ton of fun.

as i’m next to my car I pause, look on the city’s skyline and say “is that it? is that all you can throw at me? is this the worst you can do? dont worry, i’ll be back tomorrow”

Wow. That’s awesome! So inspiring!

Eric

Anonymous says:

“None of my openers are working today.
Nothing is sticking.
I’ve been slogging from store to store in the bitter New York City cold.”

1. Try to rely less on openers.

2. Have you ever talked to a girl and 30 seconds into it, you can sense they have nothing worthwhile going on in their life?

Girls can pick up on that inner emptiness if you have nothing else more exciting than approaching girls on the street in the bitter cold.

“When things are going well it’s easy to feel like I’m king of the world.”

You are reaction-seeking. You must truly develop the solid, internal confidence that comes from being a man who leads a fulfilling life independent of women. Until you do that, you will just be an emotionally needy guy who pushes other guys into set.

Walter says:

Nothing steals motivation more than people leaving negativity on your blog – take the guy leaving a comment before me. Pffttt! Boo!

But I’m digressing. Great points, Disco. It’s easy to feel on top of the world when you have the wind at your back, and you feel all women are kneeling at your feet.

Then there are the days when nothing is working. It’s a debate whether to keep pushing throw to overcome the resistance or cut our losses and live to fight another day.

Personally, I push just beyond my comfort zone (before it becomes demoralizing), then deconstruct to see where I could improve.

That’s it from my corner of the World.

TehDoktor says:

Uh, I see nothing negative about the comment from Mr. Anonymous. In fact, I think its about the best advice I’ve seen in the PUA community in a *long* time.

Much of what I see here (and elsewhere) regarding PU strikes me as an exercise in turd-polishing. If you got nothing going on and are only interested in point-scoring, girls (especially the good ones), with pick up on it in a heartbeat. All the tricks in the book are not going to fix that mess.

In fact, much of the modern PU game is manipulating women that are emotionally needy themselves. Is that really what you want?

I’ve found that its best to keep your focus on increasing one’s personal worth and that game comes with that. But, indeed, if one’s sticking points are in approach and interaction, the techniques here can improve that. Just don’t get so caught up in it that it can ruin your day.

My two cents…

You are reaction-seeking.

It is said all the time that you need to be less “outcome dependent” and instead value yourself as the prize. I agree 100%.

But how do you become truly outcome independent when social anxiety can trigger a bodily reaction just from walking up to a girl.

When you have anxiety, you get nervous, your heart starts to race, your breathing increases. This is AUTOMATIC. You don’t DECIDE to feel this way.

You can tell yourself all you want that you don’t care but your body will still react.

And God forbid you get rejected or embarrased or creep the girl out, your body and mind will react even more.

So how do you get past this? How do you teach your body to not react this way?

One word: CONSISTENCY.

Go out every single day with the mind set to approach and open a conversation with ONE PERSON. Make that your goal for the day whether you get rejected or get into a conversation, it counts as your one approach.

Then what follows is that you begin to care less about the outcome of your approach and instead you value the fact that you did the approach at all. You’ve achieved your goal and you can be proud of yourself.

Over time, with enough consistency and committment, you will begin to get confident around women and you will no longer be paralyzed by fear.

Eric a.k.a. Disco

Jenna says:

I have to agree with Walter…nothing creeps a woman out like having names for the first sentence you say to someone.

I bet you a million dollars that I’ve never dated a man for his ‘opener’.

I bet you a million that I have dated a man for a spontaneous moment that we shared.

I bet you a third million that the moment wasn’t in a script.

I absolutely love men, and guys, you don’t need ‘openers’, I promise, unless you’re interested in dating vapid women without self-esteem of their own. If that’s the case, you’re certainly a pair, aren’t you? Geez. Don’t hurt yourselves this way.

Jenna says:

sorry, I meant I agreed with the guy BEFORE Walter.
sorry, sorry. :)

Rocky says:

An “opener” delivered during the day is not a pick-up line, it is simply a sincere introduction delivered with the a genuine combination of proper body language, energy and emotion for the situation. It can be nothing more complicated than walking up to a woman shopping for clothes in a store and saying “Excuse me, but I’m hanging out with my friends who wanted to check out this store…and I saw you…and I just had to come over here and meet you. My name is _______________.”

I can guarantee you that every person you’ve ever met in your life either “opened” you, or was opened by you.

Jenna says:

Sorry, “None of my openers are working today” doesn’t sound like a sincere introduction…it sounds like a clearinghouse of canned language. That’s what I’m referring to, not saying hi. Saying hi is hot. :)

I only get “opened” with permission. ;)

Rocky says:

I would like to add something here to clarify my post above. The context of Disco’s use of the term opener is important…he is using it to describe the way in which he introduces himself to women during the day in what are generally considered “non-social environments”. Bars are set up for social interactions. The lighting is dim, the couches are close together, and the music is loud so that you have to lean in real close so that people can hear you…and the alcohol is usually flowing.

On the street, standing in line at a coffee-shop, browsing within a shop…these are not normally considered “social environments”. It can be extremely difficult to meet members of the opposite sex in these conditions without a formal introduction of some kind.

Yet, many times during the day all of us see members of the opposite sex (or otherwise) that we are attracted to for some reason, people that make our hearts jump a bit. We don’t have the luxury of “liquid courage” to manage our anxiety, or a socially-acceptable environment to meet that stranger. What is she thinks I”m “weird” or “creepy” because I’m doing something that the vast majority of people don’t do?

This is the context of Disco’s usage of the term “opener”. It is not a “pick-up line”. It IS nothing more than an HONEST AND GENUINE INTRODUCTION DELIVERED TO A WOMEN THAT YOU SINCERELY WANT TO MEET, done under what for most of us is a stressful and anxiety-producing situation. The application of proper body language, voice tonality, physical spacing and conversational/rapport skills are the techniques used to be successful with your introduction…these are skills that are applicable in all areas of life.

We “open” or are “opened”, with varying levels of success, within all of our social interactions during the course of our lives.

Rocky says:

“Hi”….is an opener. If I were to say it to you with smile on my face and a positive energy about me because I am being genuine you might be interested enough to respond.

Most people in life never get beyond this mutual “Hi” because they lack confidence due to many factors including negative social conditioning. How many times have you been out during the day, seen a cute guy that you wanted to meet, maybe he or you..or both of you…said “Hi” and then you both continued on your way because you didn’t know how to really introduce yourselves. I know it’s happened to me hundreds of times…and I’m good in a bar with a few drinks, real good. But during the day, where the quality people are…the people I would really like to meet? Man, it’s hard. Sometimes it would happen, but more often than not it wouldn’t.

Is “Hi” a canned response? How about “So how is your day going?”. Or “What brings you out here today?”, all said with genuine sincerity because you would really like to know. That is how you meet people.

That’s pretty much the extent of my “openers”.

It’s about as “canned” as breathing in and out.

Rocky says:

I agree with you though. Saying “Hi” is definitely hot.

Jenna says:

I hear ya! I hear ya! And I agree with you!

Dude, I was talking about the guy who wrote the article…canned language, etc. I never said YOU sounded canned, I don’t even know you.
It doesn’t sound like you are of the same opinion as above-mentioned article-writer anyways.

Jeezus.
Chee-rist.
Sometimes boys are so sensitive. :)

That’s secretly why we love you. Don’t go changing.

Mike says:

Jenna, nobody (who’s good) in the community will take your bets. why? because you’re absolutely right.

I would say that 99.99% of people who critic the community dont have a deep enough understanding of what its all about. especially women.

I could write 8 paragraphs about why the community is not about sleaze and trickery but i’m lazy and maybe Disko will make a blog post about it one day since he’s getting so many non community people after putting his post of Digg. (HINT might actually be a good idea).

Anonymous says:

It is said all the time that you need to be less “outcome dependent” and instead value yourself as the prize. I agree 100%.

But how do you become truly outcome independent when social anxiety can trigger a bodily reaction just from walking up to a girl.

Eric, imagine a few things.

You live in a penthouse, you are built like a god, you have a big swinging dick, you just finished your ph.D., you’ve negotiated a deal to produce anime films, and you party with tons of hot female friends who are always trying to hook you up.

Would that Eric feel any social anxiety or make it a big deal when he sees just another pretty face?

You’re a dating coach aren’t you? Guys pay thousands of dollars to be coached. Until you attain the internal confidence that comes from pursuing and leading a fulfilling life independent of women, you are doomed to reaction-seeking and misleading your clients and yourself.

Until you attain the internal confidence that comes from pursuing and leading a fulfilling life independent of women, you are doomed to reaction-seeking…

I agree with you 100%. I couldn’t have put it better myself.

Develop your social circle. Make new friends. Do exciting new things outside of meeting women. Enrich your life.

I’m in a band. I’ve been making music for over ten years. I make music because I love doing it.

I don’t make music so that women will like me.

I spent years and years working on music doing my own thing.

I also hoped my success with women would change one day. Maybe my band will become successful, or I’ll get rich, I’ll just get lucky.

My music and other things were important to me, but it was also important to me to have a woman in my life, someone I could spend the rest of my life with and start a family.

I decided I was just going to keep doing what I love doing and things were going to work out for me in the end.

“It will just happen” was what mom and everybody else’s mom says.

So I kept doing my thing.

Years passed and I got a lot better at all these other things in my life. But I still wasn’t happy in my relationships with women.

“It” wasn’t happening. More years passed and I turned 30. I started to notice that the same things were happening in the few scarce relationships I stumbled into.

I was dissatisfied with the women I was with, and disempowered from being able to meet new women and bring them into my life when I wanted to.

I couldn’t make it happen.

It was up to my friends to introduce me to new people.

Or maybe through my band I could meet new people.

Or maybe if I got rich and got a penthouse I would have more women in my life.

Or maybe if I had a big swinging dick one day I would be more confident with women.

BUT IT WASN’T HAPPENING.

I realized that if I want to be successful with women then I NEEDED TO LEARN HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN. I can’t just ignore this part of my life and hope it will fall into place by doing other things.

I agree with you, anonymous, If your life is vapid outside of learning how to meet women, women will sense it. You need to have a fulfilling life outside of women and then invite them into your life.

At the same time, if you want to be more successful with women, don’t chase all these other aspects of your life hoping it will bring women into your life.

You can learn how to be confident.

You can learn how to be outgoing.

You can learn how to be spontaneous and uninhibted around people you’ve just met.

Learn how to be successful with women if that’s what you want in your life.

Eric a.k.a. Disco

John says:

Beautiful! (both the original article and that last comment)
Keep up the good work Disko! you’re an inspiration.

btw, thanks for posting an article with work-friendly artwork.

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