Myths About Improving With Women

by Eric Disco
Apr 15

Myth: One of these days I’m going to be a PERFECT pickup artist, like so-and-so. I’ll be able to pickup everyone.

This is called perfectionism. You want to be able to get to the point where every girl wants you. As a pickup coach, I sometimes feel pressure to be good enough to get to that point myself.

Well you know what? FUCK YOU. Nobody is perfect. Those goals are unrealistic and unnatainable.

A little secret: I’m a human being. I make mistakes. My social phobia still comes back to haunt me sometimes.

I’m better than I used to be. A thousand times better. But I’ll never be perfect.

You can’t please everyone all of the time. It isn’t possible and it’s not necessary.

Myth: If I have fear, or I’m anxious or nervous, I won’t be able to do this.

This is completely false. Some girls find the fear charming. But more so than that, they see that you are a real person.

You can actually harness that energy to make the interaction more positive, exciting, and worthwile. In the Art of Rapport we have a whole section called the Movie Moment Approach where you learn to do exactly that.

Part of it is ALLOWING yourself to feel nervous and doing it anyway.

Myth: I can make myself less fearful

You can’t. Don’t even try. Your fear is AUTOMATIC. You can only learn to act IN SPITE of your fear and WITH your fear.

You can not get rid of your fear. It will just make it worse if you try.

Your fear will lessen with more practice, but for the moment, you must accept your fear.

Myth: If I get rejected or embarrassed or creep a girl out, I won’t be able to tolerate it.

You will be able to tolerate it.

Show yourself some love, man. Allow yourself to fuck up. Lose the ego. Be willing to start from square one. Give yourself some room.

I’ve seen it so many times, it’s not even funny. If you’re not used to talking to strangers, you will FUCK IT UP the when you first start doing it.

One of my best friends is the best pickup artist I know. He was great with women even before he got into pickup. But he had huge approach anxiety. He couldn’t walk up to a girl and talk to her. Think it was tough for him to start out and not be good with women? Hell yeah.

It sucked for him to have to go back to square one. But he did it.

You can handle rejection. I’m not big into affirmations, but in the beginning when it was most difficult to approach women I would tell myself “I can handle this.” I can handle rejection. I can handle anything. I’m not going to die.

Myth: I can figure out how to do this without rejection, embarrassment or getting out of my comfort zone.

You can’t. You sit there and you read and read, you look for the perfect pickup line. It doesn’t work.

There are things you can do to make yourself more attractive. But you will never master those things by sitting in your bedroom reading.

You MUST take action in the real world. You must expose yourself to your fear, a little bit at a time.

The more and longer you expose yourself to your fear, the less fearful you will become in the long run.

There are ways to do this so that you are having fun and enjoying the process. But there will be times when you are UNCOMFORTABLE. That’s okay.

You experiencing some disapproval is a sign that you are taking sufficient risks. Taking risks and taking initiative is a huge part of becoming more attractive to women.

Myth: I need to approach twenty girls a day to get better.

This is not true. In fact if you try to do this at the beginning, YOU WILL FAIL. Believe me.

You must make your goals managable.

In fact, I would recommend doing something easier than you think you can and doing it consistently.

If you tell yourself you are going to approach five girls today, you may find it too difficult to approach even one.

Myth: I’m not in the mood to think about pickup today. I can’t do this.

Go out anyway, even if you aren’t in the mood to think about your sticking points. Screw everything. Just do it.

Think less, act more. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT.

You’ve already thought about this stuff too much. It’s time for your body to learn.

Your brain doesn’t even need to be engaged. You’re fear is PHYSICAL and learning to not be paralyzed by your fear is a PHYSICAL process.

You will still improve even if you aren’t concentrating and thinking and making your brain explode. You are still in the process.

Sometimes it’s about just being willing to be in the moment. Don’t worry about the future or the past. Fuck trying to improve. Just go out and do it just to do it. Make a girl smile. Have some fun.

Myth: Other guys with less experience are able to do a lot more than me. That means I’m not improving.

Guys come into workshops at all different levels. It’s good to get help from other guys, but stop comparing. You are on your own path. Take what you can from pickup.

Go at your own pace. Do it consistently and with commitment and YOU WILL IMPROVE.

Myth: I need to go out to bars and clubs to get good at this.

Do WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. If you comfortable at your local bingo, then meet girls there! If you’re comfortable at happy hour, go to happy hour. If you like meeting girls in the park at lunch, then do it.

For six months, all I did was talk to girls in parks and I had plenty of dates and girlfriends.

Meet women during the day, it’s way easier and you can connect so much better. Still meet girls through your friends if you can. Flirt with girls at work.

Myth: I’m good at this stuff, I shouldn’t still be screwing things up like this.

To improve, you need to learn. To learn you need to attempt to do things YOU CAN”T ALREADY DO. You need to be willing to go back to the basics and try something different, even if you’ve been doing this stuff for six months or six years.

I still screw things up as I learn. It’s all part of the process.

I have to kill my ego all the time or else I won’t ever receive enlightenment.

I can’t be Pickup Artist Extrodinaire. It only gets in the way.

The day I stop growing and learning and struggling is the day I retire and go live on a hill somewhere and probably just die inside, because challenging yourself and meeting those challenges are the best part of life.

Myth: This whole process is painful and difficult.

This can be a difficult process. But you should be having SOME good experiences. If you aren’t, you need to figure out what’s going on.

Are you having fun? Are you connected to other people who are doing this? You don’t want to keep having bad experiences or you won’t get better at this.

Get coaching. It’s difficult to evaluate yourself while you’re doing it. Part of the problem in the first place is that there’s too much negative evaluation on yourself.

Let someone else take a look at what you’re doing. Let someone show you how to improve and give you some encouragement.

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posted in Self-Improvement Strategies

COMMENTS
7 responses
Jeff Wong says:

Courage is not about being able to act without fear. Courage is about being able to act *despite the fear*.

lordt78 says:

Hey Disco,

I’m on day 5 of the one approach a day program. This is so much more manageable then some other program I tried to do like the Stylelife Challenge (5 day or something). Most of us have a life for crying out loud.

Anyway, honestly, it’s been kind of a struggle for me. Because I’m still too in my head and I always find myself breaking the 3 second rule. Yesterday, it took me about an hour and a half before I approach a girl. But I told myself I wasn’t leaving until I do so. So I approach a girl and ask her for the time, she told me the time and I go. “Well, actually that was just an excuse to say hi to you.” She smiled politely and I ask how her day was going. blah, blah…but she kind of stopped to look at some shoes so I kept on walking and ejected because i thought it was a needy behavior to stop and wait for her.

I have a couple of questions for you:
1) When you started the one approach a day program, do you open sets of 2 or more girls or did you stick with lone wolves?… like I’m doing now.

2) I still have problem keeping in conversation after the opener. Any suggestion? Thanks a lot.

I’ve been checking out your site everyday for motivation and I love it. Keep up the good work!

lordt78

Mike says:

I’m a victim of the second to last myth. I have moments where i question EVERYTHING after a bad day of approaching. Your blog def helps me in this area.

-Mike.

a (nice) guy says:

Thank you. Awesome post and awesome site!

a (nice) guy says:

PS. After looking through a few of your other posts, I must say I’m hooked. Your writing is very funny and accessible, and I feel like it’s a lot more coherent than most pickup writing. It’s very intelligently done, on a number of levels.

I feel like I can relate to you as a fellow artsy-punk-sensitive type who’s not completely full of himself (unlike a lot of PuA’s). Oh, and the illustrations? They’re frakkin’ awesome, as well.

Keep up the greatness! I’ll be checking back for sure.

matt says:

Awesome post.. In fact, that “reasonable goal” thing is missing in many of the products in the PUA community. Theres a product that I REALLY ADORE otherwise, but it also pushes that “20 girls a day” stuff. I say this: definitely make a goal of approaching every day or week. My schedule permits me to basically approach alot, but since I am busy with other aspects of my life also, I decided 6 a week (thats about one a day) is key. I think manageable steps are the only way to do this.. glad to see more and more agree with me, alot of the PUA is after all, hype and hyperbole, being realistic is the only way to REALLY improve.

Stephen says:

can’t believe I missed this article: resonates with how I perceive game…and how, now, they are myths

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