If I could use one word to describe what my enivornment felt like when I started approaching, it would be chaos.
The nightclub was packed with people doing their own thing. Lights, loud music, hot girls everywhere. People pushing by. People laughing and having fun with their own friends.
What could I possibly say that would interest them in me?
The daytime was even harder.
A subway platform or a store.
Everyone with their own agenda. Everyone rushing.
I was previously closed off to this world, resigned to only meeting people when the world made it happen instead of when I made it happen.
I could walk up to her, but what could I possibly offer her?
I loved when I read about complex plots and word games designed to run circles around women. I got out there and ran them as best I could. I memorized and recited, I scripted and schemed. It helped to keep my mouth moving.
In the back of my mind somehow I knew something else was going on.
All game is inner game. All control is self-control.
Try to tell this to a guy starting out and he doesn’t want to hear it. I believe he shouldn’t have to. It’s okay to cling to the mooring of familiar words and phrases if it makes us comfortable. I still do it.
In the long term, though, I’ve realized that if I’m doing things right, things should be getting simpler, not more complicated.
If I’m improving it means my body is learning.
It means I’m becoming as comfortable in front of a stranger as in front of a close friend.
The ocean of chaos still rages around me. What’s changing is me.
Knowing when to step out into the waves and just let go. Becoming less feaful of the energy around me.