Fear and Fashion.

What does fear have to do with fashion?

Nothing?

Think again.

Most of the time, fashion reflects a guy’s fearfulness around women.

If a guy is shy or introverted, he tends to dress more conservative.

Just as a shy guy’s body language says “don’t pay attention to me,” his choices in clothing often reflects this state of mind.

Just as the “nice guy” isn’t willing to take the risk to walk up to a beautiful woman and talk to her, his fashion sense will convey his need for safety.

Women can smell the boring nice guy a mile away, and a lot of that has to do with the way he dresses. Read the rest of this entry »

She’s gorgeous. We’re standing near the copy machine as I banter with her about work.

“They have you making photocopies again? Oh my god, they may as well chain you to your desk!”

We eventually get into a conversation. I notice it happening again: my hands are in my pockets. I’ve been doing this a lot lately and I need to eliminate it. It is submissive behavior.

In The Reconciled Hierarchy, Frans de Waal comments on the observation that the dominant one is often sought after or followed by other members of the group.

“Whereas pure fear would induce an animal to run away and never come back, social animals usually stay and show submission. Submission results from ambivilence between fear and attraction.” Read the rest of this entry »

In a hotel room in London, I talk with Trev Roberts, Pickup 101 coach and professional psychotherapist who works with guys to improve their confidence around women.

“Guys come to me with direct questions about how they can interact with a cute woman at work, or the girl next door, or a friend of a friend that they really really like. They have no way of knowing what they need to do, what they need to say, how they need to behave in order to get her to feel the same way.”

“Many years ago, I worked a lot of things out myself on an unconscious level. I got to the point where I was having amazing success with very hot women.”

Find Out How Trev Does It – Download Free MP3 Podcast (39 min., 36 MB)

One of the biggest barriers to guys going up and talking to a girl is what to say after ‘hi.’ They could possibly muster up the courage to walk up to her and say hi, but then what comes next?

Have you ever been with a really close friend or family member whom you felt TOTALLY comfortable with? Did you feel like you ran out of things to say?

Maybe. But probably not.

You’ve got something inside your head called INNER DIALOGUE. It’s that voice that keeps talking and talking.

And talking and talking.

And talking and talking.

Sometimes it’s a problem to make that voice JUST SHUT UP.

But all of a sudden, you get in front of a really attractive person, and you have nothing. Everything just LOCKS UP. Read the rest of this entry »

Chaos.

If I could use one word to describe what my enivornment felt like when I started approaching, it would be chaos.

The nightclub was packed with people doing their own thing. Lights, loud music, hot girls everywhere. People pushing by. People laughing and having fun with their own friends.

What could I possibly say that would interest them in me?

The daytime was even harder.

A subway platform or a store.

Chaos.

Everyone with their own agenda. Everyone rushing. Read the rest of this entry »

Today we have a guest post from Pickup 101 Coach Walter Yu!

We know Approach Anxiety (read: your body’s resistance to approaching a girl) is a physical limitation.

It’s no different from hitting the gym or giving a speech to a crowd – if we don’t already have the training, our bodies will fight us and even take some damage.

If our bodies aren’t used to regular exercise, our muscles will ache and strain during exercise. During our speech, we might lock up in front of the crowd.

I’ve been doing martial arts since I was a kid, so fortunately I haven’t experienced the pain of missing regular exercise. But I did have anxiety speaking in front of crowds. Read the rest of this entry »

During the AM rush hour in New York City, the subway train is QUIET. You wouldn’t think it would be so quiet.

Sometimes trains are packed so tightly, you can’t even get on. You need to wait for the next train.

You’d think that with this many people packed so closely together, that some of them would be talking. But very few do.

If they are talking, they already know each other. And who goes to work in the morning with their friends or lovers? Very few people do.

When I’m talking to a girl on the train, there are at least ten or twenty people that can hear. Read the rest of this entry »

Myth: One of these days I’m going to be a PERFECT pickup artist, like so-and-so. I’ll be able to pickup everyone.

This is called perfectionism. You want to be able to get to the point where every girl wants you. As a pickup coach, I sometimes feel pressure to be good enough to get to that point myself.

Well you know what? FUCK YOU. Nobody is perfect. Those goals are unrealistic and unnatainable.

A little secret: I’m a human being. I make mistakes. My social phobia still comes back to haunt me sometimes. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve got a HUGE secret to share with you today.

I talk a lot about the blood, sweat and glory of going out there and changing yourself. Dealing with the emotional turmoil of devastating rejections and harsh embarrassment.

How if you slave away, day after day, you can slog your way to the top of that mountain called ‘confidence.’

But there’s a huge side of approach anxiety which isn’t often talked about. Getting past approach anxiety can be…

Are you ready for it?

FUN.

Lord have mercy, I did not just say that. Read the rest of this entry »

All my life I’ve had a distaste for power.

I’ve always loved the concept of equality.

I’m an artist. I’m a punk. I hate authority. I always hated the idea that others have power over me.

Beyond a formal structure like my boss at work, I always sensed that in social situations certain people had power.

In any group, in any social situation, no matter how informal, there was always someone that seemed to control the group.

There was always a person in the group from whom everyone took cues.

Everyone looked to that person for direction, to see where the interaction was going, to find out what the group was about to do next. Read the rest of this entry »