If you have successfully lost thirty pounds, you have done something that is as difficult to do as it is to get better with women. Think about what it took. You changed your diet. If you eat three meals every day, it means you changed your behavior for at least an hour and a half every day. If you went to the gym three times every week and spent an hour there and half an hour of travel time, it means you’ve changed your behavior for four and a half hours every week. You probably read some literature on what it takes to lose weight or how to exercise. And maybe you even hired a personal trainer. This is the kind of commitment you will have to make to getting better with women.

Is it worth it? To me, there are three pillars of a full, rich life – personal, family, and work. Having a desirable woman in my life fully overlaps two of those. Family also covers my relatives, so only part of that is my own family, the quest for my own wife and children. And not all of my personal life is social. Some of it is reading, movies, hobbies, etc. Nevertheless, I would guess that my satisfaction with my romantic life is responsible for about a third of my overall satisfaction with my life. That’s a heck of a lot, and if you’re like me, you’re leaving a lot of happiness on the table if you don’t address that need.

So, how far should you be willing to go to achieve happiness in one third of your life? Suppose that the rest of my life is perfect and I determine that certain elements of my life are obstacles to being 50% happier – in other words, I am two thirds as happy as I can be. How far would I go to change things? Pretty damn far. I would move, take up a new hobby, change how I dress, learn how to approach women, etc. I may even sacrifice some part of my life to make this happen. In other words, say I make a decent salary but have no desirable women in my life. I might forego a big promotion to make more time to meet women. This is not irrational. We’re talking about a third of my happiness!

You want actual suggestions for what steps you should take? I will gladly weigh in.

–Lee

I never had that natural confidence you talk about. Women never threw themselves at me. When I was your age, I took a workshop that opened my eyes to the possibilities. With some success came more confidence, and with more confidence, more success. Your argument – that people should be accepted for who they are – makes sense if people are also happy with what they have. Meaning, if I love food that makes me fat and being fat makes me less attractive to women, you wouldn’t really argue that I should expect women to overlook that I am fat, would you? It is I who should accept that I have made a lifestyle choice that makes me less attractive to women. Just as it is you who should accept that where you live, your interests, your insistence that you shouldn’t be expected to change are all factors that limit your choice with women.

–Lee