Start Feeling Rejected And Its Game Over
by 
Eric Disco
I could feel my blood start to boil.
She was awesome. We’d been flirting for three days over text message.
“I want to be petted,” she’d texted me.
“Will you purr.” I responded.
“If you do it right,” she says.
I was going to be out for the rest of the week so I text her and ask if she wants to get a drink that night.
“No, I’m staying in and doing nothing tonight,” she replies.
My blood starts to boil.
Nothing??? My mind starts to run. What does that mean? It’s one thing if she has other plans, but she flirts with me all day and then says she’s staying in and doing nothing?
The thoughts that run through my mind aren’t logical. Is she fucking with me? Is she just looking for validation? I knew I shouldn’t have been so flirty with her over text. Now she’s been validated and doesn’t want to meet up.
It’s a familiar feeling. It’s that feeling I get when I’m with a girl and I start to sexually escalate and she says no.
Guys can be such pussies. And I include myself in that. It’s like my feelings get hurt when a girl says no to getting sexual.
I feel like she’s teasing me. I get angry. I get aggressive. I want to shut her out.
I want to act cold to her. Perhaps some would describe it as mean.
I’m like a kid that can’t have his candy.
I’ve learned though, that letting myself react like this is very counterproductive. It’s important to not take it personally when a girl says no.
Oftentimes when a girl says no she actually means ‘maybe.’ Or even better, as Daniel Johnson showed in his blog, she probably means ‘not yet.’
How can you tell the difference when a girl really means ‘no’ and when she means ‘not yet’?
For one thing, is she still there with you? Is she still showing some kind of interest? If so, chances are she’s just not ready yet.
It’s taken some practice for me to realize that whenever she says ‘no’ to sexual escalation it doesn’t mean ‘I don’t like you.’
The best thing to do when she says ‘no’ is to not let it affect you at all. Be totally cool with it. And try again later. Be persistent.
Maybe you’re not doing it right and you need to change something up.
Maybe you need to move slower.
Maybe you need to TAKE THE LEAD, take the risk of getting rejected so that she doesn’t have to. She doesn’t want to feel like a slut. She shouldn’t have to take responsibility for whatever happens.
Maybe it just takes some TIME. A half hour passes and she’s way more into it than she was before.
But whatever you do, don’t take it personal. Don’t feel rejected or it’s GAME OVER.
After my blood stops boiling, I calm myself down and decide to be cool with whatever. I get on the phone with her and invite her out to a movie I want to see, not even really caring whether we hook up or not.
She texts me back a little later “Would you wanna come over and do nothing with me?”
I could do that.
Posted in Sex and Escalation | 
8 Comments »
Great post. Interestingly, I am dealing with a similar situation right now where I feel like I am slightly feeding a girl’s validation. I like that you neutrally offered up the movie to show that you are moving full steam ahead with or without her. How I translated your post is that once the girl felt like she could lose you (for the night, anyway) and that you didn’t NEED her/wouldn’t feel lonely or rejected without her, she realized that she really wanted you.
I am now inspired to do something similar with my girl because althought she is cool, I don’t have many crumbs left to feed her validation.
This post wins the trophy for hottest pictures of girls.
Eric you have great taste in women. :D
I though her original response “No, I’m doing nothing tonight.” was a pretty big hint that she wanted you there too. She wouldn’t go from “pet me” to “no I don’t even want a drink with you” overnight. She wanted you to invite yourself, but you didn’t get the hint.
I agree with Scott. Your validation made this girl want to get closer to you, but she didn’t want to throw herself at you so she dropped a hint, hoping you’d invite yourself over to her place. You completely misunderstood what she was doing, interpreting it as rejection! When you invited her to a movie, she realised she would have to spell it out.
Another thing about validation: if a girl is never sure whether you like her or not, she’ll soon get tired of games and move on to the next guy.
maybe it’s because you were being too NICE to her. I’ve heard that turns women off.
Or… maybe it’s because all women are insane.
Yeah… I probably did miss that hint.
Absolutely. At some point you need to express your interest in her in some explicit way.
Hey man, I wouldn’t have taken the “No, I’m staying in and doing nothing tonight” has a no. I’d have taken it like the answer you got at the end, like she was implying she wanted me to come over. On that, I’d propably tell her she’s too good at implying things for me and keep going on the sexual tension.
I definitely agree with the neutral invitation principle. It’s worked for me on myriad occasions, and it seems to have a kind of “hook” that date-type invites don’t. “No pressure…I’ll be there anyway, you’re invited.”
I do find that that technique works in the beginning, when you’re working to gain rapport. It’s low risk, but unlike most investments like this, the payoff can be huge even considering the risk level. Add that to your Bat-belt, guys.