“To see without being seen is a banal phantasm–this is the fate of the voyeur. Being seen without seeing is a more original move–this is the fate of the idol. Capturing the other’s gaze without returning it.” – Jean Beaudrillard

One of the most important aspects to becoming an attractive, confident guy is learning to be comfortable with being seen. It is about getting comfortable with being in the spotlight.

On Saturday night we arrive early at the bar to make sure we don’t have to wait on a line outside. It isn’t crowded yet, but there are people there. Some are standing at the bar. But there seems to be a larger gap in the middle of the room where no one is standing. Read the rest of this entry »

A write-up from one of my students from the last Art of Rapport workshop. -Eric a.k.a. Disco

I was lucky enough to have Eric a.k.a. Disco as my coach for Art of Rapport in Chicago.

Disco was also my coach at the Art of Attraction workshop. Besides being a highly skilled PUA and an excellent teacher he is simply a great guy and someone I now consider a friend.

I can be pretty damn good at bars and clubs when I’m in the mood, but I lacked a strong skill set specifically geared towards success at approaching women during the day.

My lack of experience meeting women while sober during the day resulted in my lack of confidence and uncertainty about exactly how to go about approaching successfully during the day. Read the rest of this entry »

Women want a guy that’s funny. As Sean Newman says, on the back of every Playboy centerfold you never read when you were a kid, she writes that she’s looking for a guy who can make her laugh.

Some people are just born funny and some aren’t, right? Is it possible to actually learn to be funny around women? And more importantly, what is the RIGHT TYPE of funny?

Stand-up comedy is not the answer when it comes to connecting with women, says Ken. Instead, there are some simple things you can do that WILL charm her socks off! Download the free podcast now.

Interview with Ken from Pickup 101 – Download MP3 Podcast (31 minutes, 29 MB)

The music is banging. Everybody is partying. People dancing on tables. The place is madness. Spring Break Miami. And it’s St. Patrick’s Day on top of that. It doesn’t get any crazier than this.

And then I see her.

She has dark hair, almost a latin look. With a tight striped grey shirt. Our eyes meet. I watch as she walks past. I want her so bad.

I stroll over to the bar to grab a drink.

And then I see her.

A different girl. She’s wearing a tight black dress. Long dark hair. Carrying on on the dance floor. My friend pulls me outside. Read the rest of this entry »

When you try to improve, your body will fight you.

And then the world will fight you. It’s like trying to get wealthy or get out of debt.

You’re fine, the world will tell you, what do you need money for?

Money is evil. Rich people do evil things.

You can be happy without money.

It will change you and make you a bad person.

Just by getting rich you are taking money from those who have none.

The same can be said for improving with women.

You’ll lose your soul, they tell you.

By trying to change the way people treat you, you’ll turn into a fake, uncaring person. Read the rest of this entry »

“So I made her smile, now what?” he says to me.

This was no small feat for him. It was a workshop in Miami. He had never approached this many women in his life. And he made them all smile. They were attracted to him. But he had nothing else to say after the first 30 seconds. So he was ejecting from conversations.

You can open a conversation with a girl, but where do you go from there?

I start asking him questions about himself. Where he worked, what he likes to do for fun. What are his hobbies, what are his true interests? What was the most fun he had in the last month?

At first I found out he “worked in a kitchen.” But as we talked more, his answers revealed a whole different side to him. He loved cooking and passionately talked about it. He was into philosophy and loved being with his friends. He had an iconoclastic sense of humor. Read the rest of this entry »

There’s sweat dripping from the ceiling. This place is ON FIRE.

Wall to wall people. Dancing. Afro-cuban music on the sound system.

Cute girls, of every race, dancing to the music. You have to squeeze to get past people it’s so packed in.

There are single girls here tonight. You better believe it. AND THEY’RE NOT DANCING WITH ANYONE.

There are groups of guys, cool-looking guys, not douchebags, dancing near these girls.

BUT NONE ARE WILLING TO MAKE A MOVE.

They keep hoping the girl will turn and dance with them.

But she doesn’t. Read the rest of this entry »

Every day on the streets of New York City I see attractive women.

I hardly have to turn my head to look at one because another cute one will walk by.

Why don’t I approach more of them?

Why am I afraid to approach a harmless girl?

If things don’t go well with her, I’ll probably never see her again in my life. It doesn’t matter.

Four million women in this city and I’m afraid to approach one.

What am I so afraid of?

When a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder avoids touching doorknobs, he isn’t really avoiding being contaminated. Read the rest of this entry »

I could feel my blood start to boil.

She was awesome. We’d been flirting for three days over text message.

“I want to be petted,” she’d texted me.

“Will you purr.” I responded.

“If you do it right,” she says.

I was going to be out for the rest of the week so I text her and ask if she wants to get a drink that night.

“No, I’m staying in and doing nothing tonight,” she replies.

My blood starts to boil.

Nothing??? My mind starts to run. What does that mean? It’s one thing if she has other plans, but she flirts with me all day and then says she’s staying in and doing nothing? Read the rest of this entry »

In the past, I was the nicest guy in the world. That was my M.O.

I was nice with everyone.

All the time.

I always put people ahead of me.

I think I could have gotten a gold medal in the Nice Olympics.

I did it because it made me feel good about myself.

I had my first real relationship with a woman when I was 18 years old. It lasted two years.

This is very sad and disturbing for me to admit, Read the rest of this entry »