“As Hinde (1974), in writing on the biological bases of human social behavior suggests, over-aggression in a male can frighten off prospective mates.”

This lesson is clear to us. Aggression is bad. You will scare her off.

It doesn’t take more than one bad approach, where a woman gets creeped out, for an introverted guy like myself to go into a downward spiral of self-debasement and self-questioning.

I’ve been taught this all my life. I was instructed over and over.

I actually remember the first time I learned this lesson. Continue Reading »

The subway train was packed with people. Her and I were standing near each other. It was so crowded you couldn’t even find a place to hold onto.

I’d approached her on the platform, asking her for directions. She was receptive. Her name was Ambra. She was a cutey from Milan with big eyes and long brown hair.

A minute later we both got on the train and ended up next to each other. She was laughing as I talked with her and teased her about different things.

There were train delays and the train kept stopping between stations. This was a blessing, although it could have been a curse if I’d run out of things to say. Continue Reading »

Jae Ellis has a unique and intriguing perspective on pickup. He’s coached women as well as men, giving him some fantastic insight into the way women think. He’s also got some great techniques to help guys get beyond approach anxiety.

“Women are very very insecure, the same way men are, if not more so. On these boards I heard thirty different women talking about what they’re afraid of–does he like me, why didn’t he call, etc. They’re sitting there strategizing about everything, the same as me and my guy friends. Hearing that shifted my whole frame for how I looked at all women. As concerned as I am, she’s at least as insecure as I am. She’s just putting on a show here.”

Editor’s Note: Jae talks about Landmark Eduction in this podcast. I have not taken Landmark Education and cannot endorse it. Some people take issue with their tactics. Do your own research on it and decide for yourself. – Eric Disco

Interview with Jae Ellis – Download MP3 Podcast (51 min, 48MB)

I am the best pickup artist in the world. Or so it feels that way. I’ve got some skills. I haven’t been rejected at least for the past 48 hours. It feels like I’m whole again.

I have a Day 2 lined up for tonight and there are other women in my life. I am doing pretty well.

I remember another time when I felt like this. It was before I got into pickup.

I’ve had a number of girlfriends. But I never really had true choice with women. I never really approached women I didn’t know. I had too much approach anxiety.

To me it “wasn’t worth it.” Continue Reading »

It was the first approach of the night. I was in a bar in Washington DC with two students in tow. I approached and I was a bit nervous. I hadn’t opened anyone in DC yet. I start to talk to the girl. She’s not having it. I can feel it.

After a while she is trying to be bitchy and says “You know, you say the word ‘like’ a lot.” And she was right. Every other sentence I was, like, dropping in the word like as if it was, like, going out of style.

At first I was a bit irritated at her bitchiness. Now, I wish I could go back and thank her. Every once in a while I’ll get rejected and a girl will drop some clue like this that helps my game more than hours of self-analysis ever possibly could. So precious and rare. Continue Reading »

My band had just finished performing. I was putting my gear away when this CUTE girl comes up to me and asks if I know where Khaya is. Khaya is one of the singers in my band. I pull out my chump moves and say “No.” Just like that. Everybody take notes. “Okay,” the girl says and walks away.

DOH! Why didn’t I banter with her a little??! I could have said anything. “Khaya is in my mouth.” Fucking anything. Anything better than “No.” I could have used semi-erect half-funny banter and it would have been better. Instead I acted like a deer in headlights.

I finish putting my gear away and set off to find Khaya.

Now, before you go thinking that I get laid from being in a band… Continue Reading »