Ten Things You Can Do To Handle Approach Anxiety–Right Now!

by Eric Disco
Dec 9

Approach anxiety. That incomprehensible fear that overtakes you when you want to go talk to that beautiful woman. Logically you don’t care what happens, but for some reason, your body prevents you from doing it. Here are ten tips to help handle your approach anxiety.

Breathe. The ability to relax is at the foundation of being comfortable around women. Remember to take slow, deep breaths when approaching women (and during the interaction as well.) Beyond this, there are different breathing exercises you can do like square breathing and abdominal breathing.

Walk Slowly. When you are anxious, your heart races, and slowing everything down is one of the best things you can do to calm yourself. I have found that walking around slowly helps me to calm mentally as well as physically.

Write Down Your Excuses. Whenever you want to approach but can’t, write down your excuses. Try to eliminate them one at a time. You can even keep them in your pocket as you go out.

Go Out With a Friend. If I go out at night with a friend, he and I sometimes “trade off” opening girls. He does one, then I do one, etc. If you are really determined you can pay your friend $100 and have him pay you $10 every time you do an approach.

Do ‘Warmup’ Sets. If it is during the day, you can ask a few people the time or for directions–it doesn’t even have to be a girl you’re interested in. Just getting your mouth moving helps to you to get “outside your head.” If it’s at night, before you get to the bar, you can ask five different people if a bar is good or if they know any good places for karaoke, etc.

Go To The Same Place Everyday. It helps to be in the same location and get comfortable there. Whether it’s the park or a bookstore or a specific bar, you will feel more at ease if you go there every day.

Get Moving. During the day, I prefer to go out for half an hour than just wait around for anyone I run into. I can prepare myself mentally when I go out. Also, if I don’t open any girls, I am still focusing on pickup and still staying focused.

Walk Toward Hot Girls–Even If You Don’t Open Them. This trains your body to walk toward hot girls. Like the previous tip, Get Moving, it gets your body moving in the correct direction. Sounds funny, I know, but it works!

Stop Reading! There is nothing like real-world experience. You can read all the books in the world about riding a bicycle, but you will not be able to ride one until you get on it and fall off a few times. Too much reading can be counter-productive in a lot of ways.

The 3 Second Rule. This means that you shouldn’t wait more than three seconds to approach a girl. Firstly, the longer you wait, the more anxiety tends to build up. So if you go right away, there is less chance to talk yourself out of it. Secondly, if you “hover” too long, it creeps the girl out. She notices you. However, I have found that the three second rule is a double-edged sword. Just because you see her, and perhaps even your eyes met, doesn’t mean you can’t approach if three seconds pass. You should never rule out an approach.

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posted in Miscellaneous

COMMENTS
21 responses

[...] If approach anxiety is something you find yourself dealing with, Eric aka Disco from Pickup101, tells usTen Things You Can Do To Handle Approach Anxiety–Right Now! [...]

Mike says:

This is one of the best 10 such and suches I’ve read in ages!

petrus says:

Hello, im not a surgeon, how can i open a girl??

Keith says:

Just remember that we are all people – that will help you let go of unnecessary anxiety in your social approach…

Tobey says:

THANK YOU! This is so useful.

Grim Reaper says:

It’s a supply and demand thing, too. There are a limited number of beautiful women in the world, a precious commodity.

There’s a LOT of demand and competition.

It is not a pleasant fact.

Cameron says:

These 10 steps really do work and it helped me understand what i was doing wrong. Thanks

gordy123 says:

Hot girls don’t care about anything except $$$$ if they are looking for just fun/sex or a long term commitment/relationship, then u wouldn’t see so many fine ass women MARRIED to fat, hairy, butt-ass fugly, bald fucking losers. It’s more prevalent than ever b4, look around u some, that’s everyone’s biggest problem with making assumtions lately, they don’t look around when their in public. If you don’t have plenty of cash and equity then no hot girl will ever even consider dating you. LOVE=Support&Support=$$$. So Love=Money. Get it???

Amanda says:

I am not a boy, first of all! And approching girls will not help phobias! Girls will only think that you are strange and wierd. The best thing that you can do is to breath, think about what has happened in the past, and throw the thought’s away! Talking to a doctor helps everyone also. There are medications that you can take that help all sorts of phobias too. I take medication and it helps me a lot. You also need to learn to relax in the right way! Sitting in a chair with a blanket, with smooth music on, will help a lot. Learn to do this daily and when you are in a panic attack, you need to leave where you are fast and try to relax your self. Getting enough sleep can also help phobias! When you dont get enough sleep, your mind will race like crazy. I think that I know more about these problems then anyone on this website. That is scary to think about considering I am only 13!

Tad says:

I need to deeply disagree with Gordy.

Women do not care only about money. Not even hot ones.

We need to get that bullshit out of our heads. Women have needs around security, safety and comfort – sure. Those are real needs – and money is ONE way those needs can be met.

Women say they like tall men – but it’s often about the feeling of safety it gives them – like he could protect her.

Money, height, muscular strength all help. No doubt. But we need to be clear that none of these are what they’re looking for. They might even be confused and think they’re looking for money. They might be trapped into materialism (poor things – it’s not good for their souls). But it’s not really what they need.

I’ve been with plenty of hot girls – one was tonite. But I’m not rich. But I do exude a chill, inner strength. I’m inspired and have goals. I’m fun. I’m a good listener. I’m comfortable with my sexuality and able to escalate competently.

It’s easy to have excuses – but they’re just that.

You can get hot women without money. That’s just a fact. It’s what this whole field of the pick up arts is based on.

Dan says:

Hey guys

I used to have the worst AA in history. Honestly if anyone here thinks they’ve got it bad, i was 100 times worse. Honestly i would of rather ran through a minefield. It used to give me prickly heat and chills just thinking about it. Just the thought would make me sick!! never mind actually approaching.
So I decided to take drastic action – I went to a pick up bootcamp. Utterly terrified in the run up. I made 30 approached during a weekend – 10 during the day and 20 in a club. Out of the 30 I successfully opened 28. 1 said “no thanks” and walked off and the other just walked off without saying anything. Thats it. Thats as bad as it got. Its really all in your head – id recommend doing the same as what i did if its just too scary for you to sort on your own.

Ray says:

I so totally agree with you Dan, I think a bootcamp will help you alot, if your not willing to put time and effort to approach all on your own, cuz in the beginning if your not used to it, approaching is hard! But as Eric wrote, one of the ways of getting more motived is playing approaching games with a friend for motivation. But this is anyways a long process, I started my journey 6months ago, with more Downs than I had Up’s.. But Now I feel that living a better life than before. So its worth it.
Ray

“Grim Reaper Says:
January 26th, 2008 at 9:20 pm

It’s a supply and demand thing, too. There are a limited number of beautiful women in the world, a precious commodity.

There’s a LOT of demand and competition.

It is not a pleasant fact.”

There’s always enough. Not everybody wants the same person, and the population is growing. I basically have an entire city to myself because most people (well.. me too sometimes) don’t even approach. Except I tend to get approached a lot, so that’s always fun.

Your kind of thinking is like a virus that lives inside of society. You need to have an abundance mindset. My city is small, my school is small, and I live in Canada. It would still take me forever to approach every girl I wanted! Population of like 180, 000 and I’d probably like about 2000… Probably more because I hit on girls well outside my age range.

These tips are great, I’m going to start incorporating them. I especially like the last few, I don’t usually go out with friends, and I always walk pretty slow and breath from my diaphragm.

“Hot girls don’t care about anything except $$$$ if they are looking for just fun/sex or a long term commitment/relationship, then u wouldn’t see so many fine ass women MARRIED to fat, hairy, butt-ass fugly, bald fucking losers. It’s more prevalent than ever b4, look around u some, that’s everyone’s biggest problem with making assumtions lately, they don’t look around when their in public. If you don’t have plenty of cash and equity then no hot girl will ever even consider dating you. LOVE=Support&Support=$$$. So Love=Money. Get it??? ”

You’re an idiot. Try learning pickup – I’ve seduced girls looking like crap. I don’t even have a job, albeit being a teenager, I think you still need some growing buddy.

“I am not a boy, first of all! And approching girls will not help phobias! Girls will only think that you are strange and wierd. The best thing that you can do is to breath, think about what has happened in the past, and throw the thought’s away! Talking to a doctor helps everyone also. There are medications that you can take that help all sorts of phobias too. I take medication and it helps me a lot. You also need to learn to relax in the right way! Sitting in a chair with a blanket, with smooth music on, will help a lot. Learn to do this daily and when you are in a panic attack, you need to leave where you are fast and try to relax your self. Getting enough sleep can also help phobias! When you dont get enough sleep, your mind will race like crazy. I think that I know more about these problems then anyone on this website. That is scary to think about considering I am only 13! ”

No you don’t get it… Because you’re 13. Approach Anxiety is when you are scared to approach girls. Guys get scared when they try doing this – and meeting more girls helps guys get over this. It’s not about phobias. However, getting rid of phobias can help get rid of approach anxiety because you feel more confident. And yes, listening to calming music can help you relax – but getting used to the feeling of fear will eventually make you used to it, and eventually you’ll get over it.

clark says:

3-second rule is just the best rule on approaching, because it doesn’t really matter what you say, it’s how you say it.

jack says:

this really helps people…i thought it was just a joke on a can not display your page thingy

Xulnacht says:

Ah, to be 13 and know everything again.

AL says:

holy crap! read the comment that amanda wrote on may 4 2008!!!!
haha what a dumbass

Zhelyazko says:

I realised now that I am actually doing all these ten things. Lol. I am not so pathetic after all. Haha I might even be a cool guy.

claudejose says:

WHAT IS A GREAT INDIRECT FUNNY WAY TO ASK A FEMALE FRIEND IF SHE IS SINGLE OR NOT??

Lee says:

@claudejose

In my opinion, there’s never a reason to ask a woman if she is single. She may be in a relationship but unhappy, in which case forcing her to tell you the truth may work against you. The best way to proceed is to escalate until a woman stops you. If she is happy in her relationship, she’ll stop you from getting closer. There’s another reason not to ask: it signals that you’re looking for something meaningful and emotional, which shows way too much interest for the beginning of a relationship. At the beginning, the best way is to keep things light, flirty, and sexy. Talking about commitment – whether its your commitment to her or her commitment to someone else – is a bad idea.

–Lee

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