Comments on: How To Deal With Embarrassment http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/ Turn Your Fear of Approaching Women into Confidence Thu, 17 May 2012 14:04:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Amanda http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/comment-page-1/#comment-39330 Amanda Wed, 15 Feb 2012 06:53:30 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=29#comment-39330 Eric, I read this and honestly started to cry. I feel for you so much because I'm the same way. It's so amazing for me to find someone who understands exactly how I feel. In a lot of ways, I have hope that I can overcome this. I try so hard, but this has kept me from getting so many things in my life. I'm only 20, so I have a lot more of life to live yet I've missed out on so much because of this flaw. I feel like I've overcome it a lot, but in a lot of ways it still haunts me. Reading this helped me a little, but the reality is it's not going to make it go away overnight. I'm glad I decided to google about this and found this site. Having all of this has made it hard for me to keep a relationship, friendship, job, and education. I have problems with just someone looking at me, too many people being aound me, being randomly talked to, or just.. noticed at all. I feel so nervous, anxious, and my face just burns red. Me being pale doesn't help that situation either. It gets so bad at times that I can't breathe and I just want to cry. I recently worked in retail as a cashier, so as you can probably imagine, I had to deal with many people everyday. I overcame it a lot at times, I've found that if I keep telling myself 'it's okay, you're going to be fine. they don't matter.' that it eventually calms me down, but that only works 40% of the time. I don't want to be so vulnerable, but it's really hard for me. I feel so dumb and different. Out of all of the emotions that I feel, all I want is to disappear. But at the same time, I want to be noticed and I don't want to be alone. If you don't mind, or if you have time.. I'd really appreciate it if you emailed me or something. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to about it or anyone really who may understand. Thanks [: Eric,
I read this and honestly started to cry. I feel for you so much because I’m the same way. It’s so amazing for me to find someone who understands exactly how I feel. In a lot of ways, I have hope that I can overcome this. I try so hard, but this has kept me from getting so many things in my life. I’m only 20, so I have a lot more of life to live yet I’ve missed out on so much because of this flaw. I feel like I’ve overcome it a lot, but in a lot of ways it still haunts me. Reading this helped me a little, but the reality is it’s not going to make it go away overnight. I’m glad I decided to google about this and found this site. Having all of this has made it hard for me to keep a relationship, friendship, job, and education. I have problems with just someone looking at me, too many people being aound me, being randomly talked to, or just.. noticed at all. I feel so nervous, anxious, and my face just burns red. Me being pale doesn’t help that situation either. It gets so bad at times that I can’t breathe and I just want to cry. I recently worked in retail as a cashier, so as you can probably imagine, I had to deal with many people everyday. I overcame it a lot at times, I’ve found that if I keep telling myself ‘it’s okay, you’re going to be fine. they don’t matter.’ that it eventually calms me down, but that only works 40% of the time. I don’t want to be so vulnerable, but it’s really hard for me. I feel so dumb and different. Out of all of the emotions that I feel, all I want is to disappear. But at the same time, I want to be noticed and I don’t want to be alone. If you don’t mind, or if you have time.. I’d really appreciate it if you emailed me or something. It’d be nice to have someone to talk to about it or anyone really who may understand.

Thanks [:

]]> By: Mike http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/comment-page-1/#comment-36552 Mike Mon, 30 Aug 2010 23:39:56 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=29#comment-36552 thanks for posting this great stuff i find this so great cause it seems like the missing piece - all the pua's tell about the tactics and all, but your posts really help me classify my experiences in the field. So i don't think 'i am strange', 'there is something wrong with me' and other thoughts because eg the rejection hurts. And those people who gave advise on what to say - that's not the point and i am wondering how many approaches you did last week thanks for posting this great stuff

i find this so great cause it seems like the missing piece
- all the pua’s tell about the tactics and all,

but your posts really help me classify my experiences in the field. So i don’t think ‘i am strange’, ‘there is something wrong with me’ and other thoughts because eg the rejection hurts.

And those people who gave advise on what to say – that’s not the point and i am wondering how many approaches you did last week

]]> By: missparanoia http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/comment-page-1/#comment-34750 missparanoia Sat, 01 May 2010 19:07:19 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=29#comment-34750 I did something incredibly stupid in front of a crowd. That incident lasted for probably five to seven minutes. For five to seven minutes, my brain was hiding somewhere. After that incident, I convinced myself that "hey, everything's going to be okay, you silly paranoid girl"! I tell myself that I worry about the wrong things. Some people think what I'm worrying about is completely irrational, and I couldn't do more but agree with them. However, I can't help but feel like I've ruined my reputation in front of this crowd that I'll be meeting for almost everyday. It's true, I can forget about it sometimes, but even the tiniest related thing can bring it up again, and then suddenly my heart starts pounding as I recall the incident , as if someone had dropped a bomb on me.. What should I do? I need help :( I did something incredibly stupid in front of a crowd. That incident lasted for probably five to seven minutes. For five to seven minutes, my brain was hiding somewhere.
After that incident, I convinced myself that “hey, everything’s going to be okay, you silly paranoid girl”! I tell myself that I worry about the wrong things. Some people think what I’m worrying about is completely irrational, and I couldn’t do more but agree with them.
However, I can’t help but feel like I’ve ruined my reputation in front of this crowd that I’ll be meeting for almost everyday.
It’s true, I can forget about it sometimes, but even the tiniest related thing can bring it up again, and then suddenly my heart starts pounding as I recall the incident , as if someone had dropped a bomb on me.. What should I do? I need help :(

]]> By: dave http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/comment-page-1/#comment-34647 dave Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:59:24 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=29#comment-34647 Haha, same thing happened to me. Approached a girl, said hi, and I got "I'm in a relationship", in front of everyone. I made a total save by replying "Don't flatter yourself- I wanted to know where the restrooms are". Some girls are so uppity and presumptuous. You wouldn't want a girl like that anyways. They're the type who "know everything". Haha, same thing happened to me. Approached a girl, said hi, and I got “I’m in a relationship”, in front of everyone. I made a total save by replying “Don’t flatter yourself- I wanted to know where the restrooms are”. Some girls are so uppity and presumptuous. You wouldn’t want a girl like that anyways. They’re the type who “know everything”.

]]> By: Al http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/comment-page-1/#comment-23738 Al Tue, 18 Nov 2008 06:44:59 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=29#comment-23738 Hey Eric, Many thanks for the articles I'm finding in your "rejection and embarassment" section. It's awesome to see that I ain't the only one that has had crash and burns of similar nature. Not only you did, but others who wrote here did. I once approached a 30'ish woman on a college campus when I was 19 years old. Extremely AFC, no pickup skills. After opening her about her newspaper, I told her she's cute. She told me exactly what happened to you "I'm married". It went to shame :-( LAST WORDS: Another reason it's great you make these articles is that you help men get rid of magic-bullet syndrome. Basically looking for the effortless instant cure-all. More info here: http://www.datinggroundwork.com/magicbullet Hey Eric,
Many thanks for the articles I’m finding in your “rejection and embarassment” section. It’s awesome to see that I ain’t the only one that has had crash and burns of similar nature. Not only you did, but others who wrote here did.

I once approached a 30′ish woman on a college campus when I was 19 years old. Extremely AFC, no pickup skills. After opening her about her newspaper, I told her she’s cute. She told me exactly what happened to you “I’m married”. It went to shame :-(

LAST WORDS: Another reason it’s great you make these articles is that you help men get rid of magic-bullet syndrome. Basically looking for the effortless instant cure-all. More info here:
http://www.datinggroundwork.com/magicbullet

]]> By: fuckdisko http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/comment-page-1/#comment-12732 fuckdisko Tue, 03 Jun 2008 15:08:06 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=29#comment-12732 I AM MARRIED she kept saying maybe yu shou have said " i am so glad you are """ what a blessing " or HE ALLOWS YOU TO GO AND SIT IN PARKS !!What a liberal guy !!! but all things considered two men are better than one imagine one of us two getting tired there is always a stand in I AM MARRIED she kept saying
maybe yu shou have said ” i am so glad you are “”" what a blessing ” or HE ALLOWS YOU TO GO AND SIT IN PARKS !!What a liberal guy !!! but all things considered two men are better than one imagine one of us two getting tired there is always a stand in

]]> By: Brad http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/comment-page-1/#comment-3589 Brad Sun, 25 Nov 2007 00:32:19 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=29#comment-3589 I got blown off by a couple of girls on the way out of a bar. Granted, I got pressured by my friend to go "say something", but I didn't go through the initial steps of noticing them if they're noticing me, looking for physical cues if they where receptive set or not.... everything stacked against me, so I guess I deserved it. I kicked around on what I would say, waited far longer than 3 secs for sure, then I walked, I said something like, "why the hell are you two leaving? I just got here." Yeah, probably not the best opener but it was the one I could think of. They both looked at me with "huh?" looks on their faces.. so I repeated it and I realized right there this was not going anywhere good. They did the "conference" between with the disgusted looks on their faces... and I just kind of stood there a bit stunned that they weren't into being chatty. So what did I do... I turned around, walked away, left 'em alone. I think I was more shocked that I didn't feel as humiliated as I use to feel... and tho I was little shocked myself that this went so badly (I usually get some smiles, couple of words, something), that I basically bombed in front on my friend... I was pretty proud to be able to shrug it off. Effectively, that was the worst my night got. All of this you guys mentioned here is right on. Just do it, get desensitized to failure, don't dwell on it, and move on to the next thing as quickly as you can. One thing did help, I walked up to my friend and I straight up told "I bombed, oh well," which took the sting out by being upfront. He asked "what they say to you" and I shrugged and said "they were leaving... definitely not chatty, whatever." And with that we dropped it. I use to be really bad about this. I still get embarrassed and I'm no seasoned PUA but the difference is that I don't feel humiliated by simply defusing early, not dwelling and moving on to the next set. The very next thing that happened to me was we moved to another venue and I looped around the bar quickly, to scope out the groups and I ended up walking to two girls at the corner of a bar that were having a conversation... less than 3 secs later and I simply blurted out with a little bit of fake exasperation "Oh good! I'm so glad I found the two hottest girls at this bar. I don't want to be seen with just anybody." That made them laugh their heads off and from there we broke into conversation, and I ended up with one of their phone numbers. Yes, it was direct in a bit of a playful manner. Yes, they have a choice, they can either laugh or blow me off for interrupting. That's the minor risk really, because I didn't vest anything into it, I didn't think about it, and it came out perfectly natural. That was all in the same night. Years ago, I don't think I could have done that without having read some about this stuff. Great website. Keep it up. I got blown off by a couple of girls on the way out of a bar. Granted, I got pressured by my friend to go “say something”, but I didn’t go through the initial steps of noticing them if they’re noticing me, looking for physical cues if they where receptive set or not…. everything stacked against me, so I guess I deserved it.

I kicked around on what I would say, waited far longer than 3 secs for sure, then I walked, I said something like, “why the hell are you two leaving? I just got here.” Yeah, probably not the best opener but it was the one I could think of. They both looked at me with “huh?” looks on their faces.. so I repeated it and I realized right there this was not going anywhere good.

They did the “conference” between with the disgusted looks on their faces… and I just kind of stood there a bit stunned that they weren’t into being chatty.

So what did I do… I turned around, walked away, left ‘em alone.

I think I was more shocked that I didn’t feel as humiliated as I use to feel… and tho I was little shocked myself that this went so badly (I usually get some smiles, couple of words, something), that I basically bombed in front on my friend… I was pretty proud to be able to shrug it off.

Effectively, that was the worst my night got. All of this you guys mentioned here is right on. Just do it, get desensitized to failure, don’t dwell on it, and move on to the next thing as quickly as you can.

One thing did help, I walked up to my friend and I straight up told “I bombed, oh well,” which took the sting out by being upfront. He asked “what they say to you” and I shrugged and said “they were leaving… definitely not chatty, whatever.” And with that we dropped it.

I use to be really bad about this. I still get embarrassed and I’m no seasoned PUA but the difference is that I don’t feel humiliated by simply defusing early, not dwelling and moving on to the next set.

The very next thing that happened to me was we moved to another venue and I looped around the bar quickly, to scope out the groups and I ended up walking to two girls at the corner of a bar that were having a conversation… less than 3 secs later and I simply blurted out with a little bit of fake exasperation “Oh good! I’m so glad I found the two hottest girls at this bar. I don’t want to be seen with just anybody.”

That made them laugh their heads off and from there we broke into conversation, and I ended up with one of their phone numbers.

Yes, it was direct in a bit of a playful manner. Yes, they have a choice, they can either laugh or blow me off for interrupting. That’s the minor risk really, because I didn’t vest anything into it, I didn’t think about it, and it came out perfectly natural.

That was all in the same night. Years ago, I don’t think I could have done that without having read some about this stuff. Great website. Keep it up.

]]> By: Eric a.k.a. Disco http://approachanxiety.com/2006/12/how-to-deal-with-embarrassment/comment-page-1/#comment-791 Eric a.k.a. Disco Wed, 25 Apr 2007 14:16:39 +0000 http://approachanxiety.com/?p=29#comment-791 <blockquote>I just have some few questions, because the girl I approached today in the library got totaly creeped out when I told her a think she is cute and I wanted to meet her and it something that doesn’t happen alot to people here. I rarely get bad results and the same line worked with a fantastic girl just 2 days ago but rejection feels really bad and am asking do you think I shouldn’t take anything personally or can I try the same line since I love direct openers.</blockquote> You should keep using the same opener if it's been working for you. One of the things I tell guys is that if the opener doesn't work on a girl, go and do the EXACT SAME opener on another girl as soon as possible. You start to see that it wasn't the opener itself, but something with the situation. It could be - You were too serious looking and gave off a serial-killer vibe - You crowded her personal space - There was just something with her, any one of a million things. From her being in a bad mood to her having a bad day, etc. The other thing is that in some situations, a direct opener may be too intense. If there's NO ONE around, it could creep her out easily. In those situations, you may want to go with an indirect opener so that it's more fun and playful and less pressure for her. <blockquote>I also have a question because I don’t like to go out just with the purpose of picking up girls. Am a student and I want to be succesful with girls and in my career, it freaks me out and increase anxiety when I feel am just going out to pick up girls who do you deal with it.</blockquote> This is something I've been giving a lot of thought lately. I think it's good to go out for a half hour or so every day so that you get into the HABIT of talking to girls. However, ultimately, you want to build a life around things you're interested in. If you like art, go to gallery openings and shows. If you like politics, go to meetings, etc. This way the person you are looking for will really fit into your life when you find them. This is what they call IDENTITY. I think ultimately the goal of this is to be able to meet, attract and date women anywhere you go, without having to go out to specifically find them. Eric

I just have some few questions, because the girl I approached today in the library got totaly creeped out when I told her a think she is cute and I wanted to meet her and it something that doesn’t happen alot to people here. I rarely get bad results and the same line worked with a fantastic girl just 2 days ago but rejection feels really bad and am asking do you think I shouldn’t take anything personally or can I try the same line since I love direct openers.

You should keep using the same opener if it’s been working for you. One of the things I tell guys is that if the opener doesn’t work on a girl, go and do the EXACT SAME opener on another girl as soon as possible. You start to see that it wasn’t the opener itself, but something with the situation. It could be

- You were too serious looking and gave off a serial-killer vibe
- You crowded her personal space
- There was just something with her, any one of a million things. From her being in a bad mood to her having a bad day, etc.

The other thing is that in some situations, a direct opener may be too intense. If there’s NO ONE around, it could creep her out easily. In those situations, you may want to go with an indirect opener so that it’s more fun and playful and less pressure for her.

I also have a question because I don’t like to go out just with the purpose of picking up girls. Am a student and I want to be succesful with girls and in my career, it freaks me out and increase anxiety when I feel am just going out to pick up girls who do you deal with it.

This is something I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately. I think it’s good to go out for a half hour or so every day so that you get into the HABIT of talking to girls.

However, ultimately, you want to build a life around things you’re interested in. If you like art, go to gallery openings and shows. If you like politics, go to meetings, etc. This way the person you are looking for will really fit into your life when you find them. This is what they call IDENTITY.

I think ultimately the goal of this is to be able to meet, attract and date women anywhere you go, without having to go out to specifically find them.

Eric

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