“I still have bad days, but that’s okay. I used to have bad years.”
Some myths about improving:
- I should be further along than I am
- If I’ve been doing pickup for a number of months/years, I shouldn’t be having this problem anymore
- To get good at this I need to do ten approaches a day/go out five nights a week.
- If I was in a good program/method, my problems would be solved
- If I was better at this I wouldn’t be getting rejected, blown-out or embarrassed as much
- People consider me good at this, I shouldn’t be having this problem
- People in the community wouldn’t respect me if they knew I thought, felt or did this thing
- Once changed, a behavior is gone forever
- I couldn’t possibly be doing this again, I know better
- It feels like I’m back to square one
The arc of improvement is a long one and happens based on a willingness to stick to it over the long haul. As long as I am still going out and approaching women, I am still improving with every approach, no matter the outcome. The most important changes that are going on are small, subtle changes that are probably undetectable to me. With every approach, I am turning into the person that I want to be.
(Inspired from the book Beyond Codependency)