This is the first in a series of podcasts. I interview Frank, an assistant coach for Pickup 101 and Craig, a guy who has worked with many different coaches including Pickup 101. We discuss how it was for them when they began approaching. We talk about how they handle approach anxiety, embarrassment and rejection and different methods they use to overcome their fear.

“The first time I ever approached a girl I talked to my friends about it for ten minutes. I was breathing heavy, I felt it in my stomach and chest and throat, it was like it wasn’t reality, it was like I was in a movie. Such anxiety. It was tortorous…”

“These are the two rules I try to stay with. When I don’t follow these two rules, it makes things a lot harder, it makes things a lot more difficult to approach a cute woman…”

Interview with Frank and Craig – Download MP3 Podcast (30 min, 27MB)

They were sorority girls. You could tell just by looking at them. Half of them weren’t very cute. The place wasn’t packed. None of the places in the area were, it was a Wednesday night. So we decided to stay.

I’m with Frank and Craig. As soon as we walk in, I go over to one of the girls. I’m not that attracted to her. Because of the way she lit up when I walked over, I didn’t even have to use an opener. I ask her if this is a private party. She gives me the details that they are taking their sority sister out because she just turned 21.

Whenever there is a party at a bar you are totally in. No matter what. Make it your business to find out who the party is for and talk to everyone there, ask how they know her, etc. It’s like being at a house party. “Did this girl get her birthday spankings?” I begin asking. Read the rest of this entry »

Not all guys have approach anxiety. A lot do. But some guys are comfortable going up to people they didn’t know and talking to them.

Why was I overcome with dread at the prospect of talking to a beautiful stranger while some people actually seemed to enjoy it?

Initially I believed I had this anxiety because of incidents that happened to me when I was young. I was convinced that some traumatic experiences set me on a path to being self-protective instead of outgoing and extroverted.

I remember one particular incident. It was in 6th grade. Read the rest of this entry »

I crashed a fashion-design holiday party with one of my friends last night. I wasn’t part of the company but somehow we got in.

Everyone was dancing and having a great time. I love to dance, but my dancefloor attraction game isn’t that great. So I decided to try and figure it out.

I tried to come up next to a girl and dance next to her, shoulder to shoulder, where both of us were facing in the same direction. That didn’t seem to work. The girl wouldn’t turn to face me.

I tried going up to another girl and doing the fun hip-check, something I do all the time with girls I’m friends with or already know. That didn’t work either. The girl still faced her inner circle. Read the rest of this entry »

Most of it, probably about 90 or 95 per cent of the game is your body language and voice tone. A very small percentage are the actual words. – David DeAngelo

The greatest breakthrough I ever had was when I realized my voice didn’t change even when I get nervous. Even if I’m feeling really internally screwed up I can keep my voice now. - Tyler Durden

Everybody talks about having good voice tone, but what exactly does that mean?

This article, The Secret of Parental Tone, is excellent and has helped me particularly when I’m nervous around an amazingly hot girl or when I go to call an amazing girl after I get her number Read the rest of this entry »

Key Word Vibing is a trick to help come up with fun, interesting things to say in conversation.

The idea is that after the person says something to you, you pick a key word in what they said and you “vibe” off of it. If they said something about soup, for example, you think back over your life to something relating to soup.

It could be anything: a story, a joke, a question. Really anything. It makes for interesting, spontaneous, and unexpected conversation. One of the worst things you can be is BORING. So have fun with this!

Here is an example:

1) Let’s say she says

“I spent a year in Ireland once” Read the rest of this entry »

Approach anxiety. That incomprehensible fear that overtakes you when you want to go talk to that beautiful woman. Logically you don’t care what happens, but for some reason, your body prevents you from doing it. Here are ten tips to help handle your approach anxiety.

Breathe. The ability to relax is at the foundation of being comfortable around women. Remember to take slow, deep breaths when approaching women (and during the interaction as well.) Beyond this, there are different breathing exercises you can do like square breathing and abdominal breathing.

Walk Slowly. When you are anxious, your heart races, and slowing everything down is one of the best things you can do to calm yourself. I have found that walking around slowly helps me to calm mentally as well as physically. Read the rest of this entry »

“I still have bad days, but that’s okay. I used to have bad years.”

Some myths about improving:

• I should be further along than I am
• If I’ve been doing pickup for a number of months/years, I shouldn’t be having this problem anymore
• To get good at this I need to do ten approaches a day/go out five nights a week.
• If I was in a good program/method, my problems would be solved
• If I was better at this I wouldn’t be getting rejected, blown-out or embarrassed as much
• People consider me good at this, I shouldn’t be having this problem
• People in the community wouldn’t respect me if they knew I thought, felt or did this thing
• Once changed, a behavior is gone forever
• I couldn’t possibly be doing this again, I know better
• It feels like I’m back to square one

The arc of improvement is a long one and happens based on a willingness to stick to it over the long haul. As long as I am still going out and approaching women, I am still improving with every approach, no matter the outcome. The most important changes that are going on are small, subtle changes that are probably undetectable to me. With every approach, I am turning into the person that I want to be.

(Inspired from the book Beyond Codependency)

I’m walking through the park, looking for girls to approach on my daily lunch outting. I walk up to this girl sitting at a table eating.

“Hi. I was just heading back to work and I wanted to come say hi.”

“I’m married,” she says with a bit of a snarl.

“My name’s Eric,” I say. I’m not really into married girls, but I’m just being friendly.

“I’m married!” she says really loudly, just below a yell.

I notice other people in the viscinity turn and look at what’s going on.

“Cool,” I say and turn and walk away.

Immediately the affects of embarrasment take hold. I start to blush. A cheap, fake grin comes over my face. My blood pressure starts to rise. I just want to hide, not be there. I just want to get away. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been making real progress doing subway game. It seems to be almost as easy as park game. Girls waiting around for the train are BORED. They seem to be pretty into talking to people.

But there’s a huge wall there sometimes. I get to the subway station in the morning. And I’m even thinking about opening a few girls. But it’s pretty cozy here in my shell.

In fact, my shell is pretty pimped out. It’s fur-lined and warm. I even have cable TV in there. I could just hang out alone all day, lost in my thoughts. I’m pretty good company. It’s cold outside of my warm little shell.

And nobody is talking to anybody. It’s just not a social place. Nobody is expecting you to go up to anybody. Expectations are very low.

While I expect this to change, I’m still at the point where if I don’t make subway pickup a priority, it just might not get done. Read the rest of this entry »