Unable To Approach Because Of Anxiety

by Eric Disco
Nov 1

I’ve been trying to crack the code with subway game and I am making progress.

I saw a cute girl this morning standing at the other end of the platform. I set my feet in motion although there were doubts in my mind as to whether I would actually do the approach. I walked toward her anyway. By the time I got to her, I didn’t open her due to anxiety. I ended up just standing about five feet away from her.

I try to monitor the self-defeating automatic thoughts I have, and the thoughts I had today were:

What if it gets creepy? It’s not like in the park where I can just get up and walk away, we’re both waiting for the same train.

What if I have nothing to say after I open?

There were also some lingering fears of feeling embarassed with so many people around.

So here’s some of my responses to the automatic thoughts:

If it gets creepy I can just say “it was nice meeting you” and walk to the other end of the platform or train. I don’t need any excuses to walk to the other end of the platform or train.

In terms of not knowing what to say after opening, two things will help that. I can have a conversation script. Perhaps something subway train related or something about the neighborhood. Also, I don’t have to stay in this set for ten minutes. I can open, have a few words with her and leave. The important thing is that I open and introduce myself.

There are many many cute girls on the subway train in New York City. But I don’t have to open all of them every day. Just one for now. One a day. That’s the very first step to get this ball in motion.

I get proud of myself when I feel approach anxiety. It means I am putting myself out there and taking my game to a new level. It takes bravery to overcome approach anxiety. All you guys who sit at home and don’t do approaches? That’s not bravery. All you master pickup artists who don’t get very nervous any more? It still takes some bravery for you to open. But not as much as taking the first step. When you are about to go in and the anxiety washes over every aspect of your being–your mind, your emotions, your body and your motivation–it is the true hero who takes a deep breath and does it anyway. It is the true hero that can let it all go, that can kill that dragon inside of himself and leave it 50 feet behind as he goes over and talks to the girl.


posted in Acceptance, Subway Game

1 response
Mike says:

interesting words.

it’s amazing how hard it is to fight your body’s own automatic response. a response that’s been proliferated by decades of evolution. it’s no wonder that people rather get shot in the leg then do public speaking, or in our case, do a cold approach.

my own journey is very similar to yours. my AA is highest when it comes to doing that first approach of the day. i’m reading your FRs and i’m surprised to notice that a lot of the things you describe as going through your head, and a lot of your fears you have, are things that i experience too. i’m also bewildered by how guys like Brad P can get over their AA on such a consistent basis. I think that sort of willpower stems from something deeper. Perhaps people who can defeat their AA consistently and at will have significant character traits that allow them to easily accept risks in their lives. these traits, I believe, can be garnered through specific lifetime experiences, a lot of which stem from childhood. I wasn’t raised as a risk taker, I was raised as what Rob Glover would call a “nice guy” (book: No More Mr Nice Guy). these deeply seeded traits take a toll on my learning curve. But I fully and completely accept them because that is who I am. You just have to roll with it.

I’ve been reading this blog for a couple of days now and I’m enjoying it. this is MikeNYC btw. I found this blog through a “similar blogs” google heading while reading savoy’s blog.

It’s great to see that you’re doing this stuff. it’s tremendously self satisfying when you compare yourself 2 years ago to the way you are now. for me, its the single element that keeps me going.