She reacted as if I'd said "I'm gonna rape you."

by Eric Disco
Nov 3

The streets were dark and empty in the slightly ghetto side of town where my apartment is. This girl just happens to be walking on the same corner as me and crosses the street a half step behind me.

After I reach the other side, I turn down the sidewalk toward my apartment. She follows.

I decide to open and turn slightly and say “Are you following me?”

It comes out mean and almost crazy sounding instead of fun and playful. I totally creep the girl out.

From the look of terror in her eyes, I may have well have said “I’m gonna rape you, bitch.”

I try to smile it off but then just turn and walk fast away from her. There’s no way to rescue this. The feeling of creepiness begins to wash over me. Like having been rejected or embarrassed, this feeling is familiar to me, although it doesn’t happen to me as often any more.

All these automatic thoughts start to pop into my head.

“I’m a loser.”

“Holy shit, I suck at this pickup stuff.”

“What the fuck is wrong with me? How could I scare that poor girl like that?”

My mind tries to bind these thoughts to my self-esteem, but I won’t let it. I know that these thoughts will pass. I know that in five or ten minutes when my body calms down, I will feel totally different about things.

It’s amazing. I had an excellent weekend and past few days. I was on a tear. I was unstoppable. And one small move can get you questioning every thing.

But it only lasts a few moments. I know this now. When you get rejected or embarrassed or creeped out, it doesn’t last too long. I didn’t hurt anybody. I don’t give a fvck about what this girl thinks.

Within 15 minutes I am in my apartment and feeling fine. The incident may as well have happened three weeks ago.

I end up just chilling out for the rest of the evening. I call up some girl friends just to chat and say what’s up.

I’ve gotten used to handling these situations and realizing what they mean in my life. It is part of the rocky rollercoaster ride of pickup and non-monagamy. Understanding and handling my fears and challenges and the affects of those fears and challenges, both good and bad.

“All the travails of Love because distances are where the safe reside. Bring to me, It said, continual proof you’ve been alive.” – Stephen Dunn

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posted in Embarrassment and Rejection

COMMENTS
3 responses
dunndunn says:

If anything it seems she should be the one embarassed. She probably took your remark wrongly (but understandably so). But, hey, everyone screws up.

mkb_408 says:

Again thanks for another article about embarassment and rejection.

Causes me to look with new perspective at a few dark night situations a few years back. I was walking away from my junior college toward my car. Feeling really self-conscious and AFC, I was afraid to say hi to this cute girl standing next to me. I did so and she looked creeped out. It was dark, I kept looking at her beforehand and my delivery was weak.

Not the exact same situation as your’s but close enough. Really thanks man.

Social says:

this happen before, and i never really understand it. maybe its bad body language or maybe its no social proof. i dunno.

i like to think that its just her, she is creepy too in her way for acting like that.

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