Able to Approach Even with Anxiety

by Eric Disco
Nov 16

This morning when I looked in the mirror, I decided that approaching a girl on the subway on the way to work would be the focus of my day. I would make it the most important thing I would do today, because it’s been so hard for me to get into it for some reason.

As I walked out of the local coffee shop on the way to the train things started running through my head. I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I was thinking of every single possiblity and iteration of what could happen; what I could say and what she could say; what the best opener would be, etc. Uncertainty was eating me up inside. I started to get nervous. But I was determined to do this, no matter what.

I decided that all I had to do was say the words. That’s it. Just throw it out there. I didn’t have to care what happens after that. I could do whatever, chat, have boring conversation and I could turn around and leave at any point. All I would do was say the words.

I got onto the subway platform and started to feel a bit of relief because there was no one on the platform. The train had just left. I stopped myself from feeling that relief. I was going to do this.

I slowly walked along the platform as it began to fill up with people. I walked slow on purpose because I knew it would calm me.

I finally see this cute redhead standing reading a paper. I walked slightly past and then turned around. Another person was already standing next to her and there were about ten people in earshot.

All I have to do is say the words.

I walk up to her and say “Hi. I was just on my way to work and I wanted to come say hi.” she smiles. “My name’s Eric.”

She introduces herself. We shake hands.

“I know it’s a little early to be talking to people, but I wanted to say hi.” (yes, I said it again)

I say “Are you from around here?” She replies that she is and I ask how long she’s been living here. She asks me if I’m from around here.

“Do you like living here?” I ask. We chat a bit about the area.

“What do you do?” She tells me she’s studying to be a lawyer.

“My best friend is a lawyer,” I say. “He busts me out of jail when I get arrested.” She laughs. I’ve said that before to other people so it came to me here when I heard she was a lawyer.

I ask her what type of lawyer she’s studying to be. She says corporate lawyer.

We exchange another sentence or two.

“Well, it was nice meeting you,” I say.

To be honest I wasn’t even really trying at this point. I didn’t even care where this went. I was just happy that I’d opened her.

She says “What was your name again?” as we shake hands. I tell her and then turn around and walk away slowly.

I’m glowing. I don’t know if anyone saw it, but they could see the look on my face.

As I got onto the train I sat down next to this cutey. My god, they are all over NYC. I was tempted to talk to her but I didn’t.

And it didn’t matter. I did my approach for today and I get super extra bonus points and a gold star. I will do another one tomorrow. And this girl that’s sitting next to me? It’s a little different right now.

There are girls in my life that I talk to almost every day. But when I’m not stepping outside of myself to cold approach girls I don’t know, the hot girls I see on the street are a symbol of my powerlessness. I want them and there’s no way to get them. When I am approaching at least one girl a day, it’s a whole different ballgame. I am a different person.

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posted in Acceptance, Subway Game

COMMENTS
8 responses
Athens Wannabe PUA says:

It is a pleasure to read posts that appear to reflect, with great accuracy, mental and material situations involving a 30yo guy, several thousands miles away…
I always keep coming back to posts such as this one, that describe the ‘early days’ of a true PUA, to which many others, including me, aspire. Not necessarily aspirations in terms of actual approaches or ‘conquests’ the Artist has achieved, but in terms of effectively dealing with one’s inner demons. Inner demons, by the way, that prevent you not only from approaching girls, but a whole lot of other people in a variety of social situations, for that matter.
Subway game has also become a Holy Grail for me. Here in Athens, Greece, one can find some of the greatest examples of Mediterranean beauty gathered on the platforms and/or in the trains.
I admit having become obsessed with subway, since the time, a few weeks ago, I had a successful approach and kiss-close on the first and last date, with a girl (not a hottie though). It was her shocking eye-contact that enabled me to ask for the phone-number and get it in less than thirty seconds.
[Only to become filled with remorse on the first date, because I rightly thought of it as cheating on my gf, whom I am not totally happy with, though.
I am not married/engaged, I should say as an excuse, and, above all, I will be sincere towards the current gf, whenever something intimate takes place with a 'third party'...]
Anyway, I have great trouble approaching the way Eric does in this post. In fact, I have hardly ever done this. I may have become subconsciously addicted to expecting IOIs, for one thing, while of course, on the other, EVERYONE in the subway can hear you approaching -and getting rejected…
I wear a relatively formal outfit (blazers, business shirts etc), so I have stuck with the idea that it is not socially acceptable -in my mind- to go around talking to strangers at least in such a ‘conservative’ outfit.
Is approaching in this social situation but also in others, also worthless , if you ‘re just doing it randomly, without attempting previous eye contact, eg? I suspect an answer is ‘of course it is worth the experience, even an outright rejection counts towards your experience’, but is it enough -to give you the guts to approach strangers?

Athens, GR
A Wannabe PUA…

Al says:

Hey Eric,
I’m glad to have found this article. Three points:

#1 As a rail enthusiast, I’ve always wanted to combine my love of trains and meeting new women. Kudos there :-) When I was in your town, I was riding all over the place. And yes, gorgeous (+)(+) everywhere!

#2 When you walked up to this girl, how precisely did you do it? Mystery advocates opening the set over your shoulder (as if you were on your way to somewhere), instead of a bee line walkup to her face. If you can do bee line and it works, I’d be happy.

#3 This applies to life in general. For anyone reading this: how good is your sleep? Bad sleep totally kills my social performance along with everything else. Top grade sleep makes me outgoing and while it’s still challenging to approach strangers (and I don’t always do it), it’s MUCH easier. Why does this never get mentioned in the pickup world?

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DrasticAndroid says:

“the hot girls I see on the street are a symbol of my powerlessness. ”
Way to hit it in the head.

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