This morning when I looked in the mirror, I decided that approaching a girl on the subway on the way to work would be the focus of my day. I would make it the most important thing I would do today, because it’s been so hard for me to get into it for some reason.

As I walked out of the local coffee shop on the way to the train things started running through my head. I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I was thinking of every single possiblity and iteration of what could happen; what I could say and what she could say; what the best opener would be, etc. Uncertainty was eating me up inside. I started to get nervous. But I was determined to do this, no matter what.

I decided that all I had to do was say the words. That’s it. Just throw it out there. I didn’t have to care what happens after that. I could do whatever, chat, have boring conversation and I could turn around and leave at any point. All I would do was say the words. Read the rest of this entry »

Last night I met up with this girl who I picked up in the park last Tuesday. We ended up going to dinner, although I usually prefer just drinks for a lot of reasons.

This girl is amazing. Very cool and really cute, cuter than most girls I’ve gone out with before. A year ago, I would not have had such an amazing cutey in front of me and I most certainly would have dropped the ball if I did.

There were three elements that got me from point A–slightly awkward, physically unconnected, that ‘wall’ between us–to point B–heavy sexual contact and making out in a bar next door. Read the rest of this entry »

This morning it’s pouring rain here in NYC. Nobody’s comfortable in this weather. I’m determined to do another subway opener, no matter what.

I do a “warmup” at the coffee shop and ask the not-so-cute girl next to me how she’s doing. We exchange smiles.

I walk through the pouring rain with my umbrella. When I get to the subway stop the train is just coming. No time to open anyone on the platform.

I get to my stop to transfer. My jeans are soaked and I’m almost sweating from the humidity. But I’m determined to do this.

I’m walking along the platform and I see a cute girl sitting on a bench. I walk over and sit down next to her. Read the rest of this entry »

The streets were dark and empty in the slightly ghetto side of town where my apartment is. This girl just happens to be walking on the same corner as me and crosses the street a half step behind me.

After I reach the other side, I turn down the sidewalk toward my apartment. She follows.

I decide to open and turn slightly and say “Are you following me?”

It comes out mean and almost crazy sounding instead of fun and playful. I totally creep the girl out.

From the look of terror in her eyes, I may have well have said “I’m gonna rape you, bitch.”

I try to smile it off but then just turn and walk fast away from her. There’s no way to rescue this. The feeling of creepiness begins to wash over me Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been trying to crack the code with subway game and I am making progress.

I saw a cute girl this morning standing at the other end of the platform. I set my feet in motion although there were doubts in my mind as to whether I would actually do the approach. I walked toward her anyway. By the time I got to her, I didn’t open her due to anxiety. I ended up just standing about five feet away from her.

I try to monitor the self-defeating automatic thoughts I have, and the thoughts I had today were:

What if it gets creepy? It’s not like in the park where I can just get up and walk away, we’re both waiting for the same train.

What if I have nothing to say after I open?

There were also some lingering fears of feeling embarassed with so many people around.

So here’s some of my responses to the automatic thoughts: Read the rest of this entry »