A friend of mine recently shared with me a poem written by T.S Elliot in 1917.

He says it’s about approach anxiety.

Is it?

You tell me.

It’s certainly an interesting read either way.

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
by T.S. Elliot

LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo. Continue Reading »

One of my mentoring students lives in Montreal.

He flew into New York every other week to work with me.

He recently completed the six-week program.

This is what he had to say about it:

“Learning how to meet women was important to me. And this program was definitely worth it.

I like the approach of this program. The anxiety is not gone, it’s just easier to handle. Which is fine.

Part of what I found interesting is that I got a lot more positive responses than I would have expected. Continue Reading »

You start talking to a girl.

Sometimes it’s totally on. It’s obvious the girl is into you.

Other times, it’s totally not on. It’ s obvious this girl wants you to go the fuck away.

But particularly when starting out in this game, in the majority of interactions with women, you are in a space of not knowing whether she likes you or not.

How do you know if she’s attracted to you?

Guys with social anxiety or not enough experience with women tend to miss signals of interest.

Or if they do see signals of interest, they write them off for some reason or another.

Continue Reading »

“You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.” - Naguib Mahfouz

There are certain situations where you have a lot of time and opportunities to get to know someone.

Maybe you’re hanging out an entire evening with friends and you get introduced to a friend of a friend.

Or a girl at work. Or someone at school.

In these situations it’s possible you have many opportunities to go deep and really connect with someone.

You can find a lot of commonalities and take your time getting to know them.

But other times you have very little to go on.

When you walk up to a woman you don’t know and manage to get a conversation started, you only have moments to go deep and build an emotional connection.

It feels like you know very little about her and have very little to work with.

Continue Reading »

Friday evening.  Freezing cold.  Hangin with Glenn in Union Square.

“Dude, that’s totally your girl,” he says as this adorable artsy chick walks past us at breakneck speed.

And it was totally my type of girl.

Without a moments hesitation I turn and run after her.

I catch up to her and tap her on the arm.  She turns around.

I tell her how cute she is.

After some flirty exchange, we exchange numbers.

Next day, I send her a text…

Continue Reading »

10 AM.   Subway.

I spot a hotty across the train.

She’s sitting but there are people in the seats next to her.

A stop later, a seat next to her clears up.

With no hesitation, I squeeze past some baby carriages and sit down next to her.

I pull out my phone and start flipping through it.

“Hey…” I say slowly in her direction.  She turns her attention to me.

I’m still looking at my phone.

“Where’s Koreatown…?  Is that in the 30’s…?” Continue Reading »

Exactly how important is it to have friends who are in the game?

There are two important sides to this coin.

Firstly, my friends are indispensable. From the drop, having guys to go out with made my game a thousand times better.

When I started out, I wasn’t friends with any guys who were great. So I took some workshops. Learning from someone else in person is critical.

But even if you can’t afford workshops or coaching, having a friend who’s into this stuff, regardless of your level or his, is super important.

When I first started going out at night, I met a guy who would go out with me. Continue Reading »

I was asked by one of the guys on the forum to write a post about how to start off the new year.

There are a number of great things you can do to improve your success with women.

You can get coaching (see my new incredibly successful Mentoring Program).

You can plan out what aspects of your game you want to work on and work on each aspect for one month (see How to Eat an Elephant).

But there is one aspect to this game that is more important than all the others.

I coach a lot of guys.  And I also know a lot of great coaches.  We talk about this all the time.

The main difference, the biggest X factor by far between guys who skyrocket their success, who get better by leaps and bounds vs. the guys who stay where they are is this: Continue Reading »

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“While it is usually a good idea to follow your instincts or feelings, this is the wrong approach when you’re anxious.  You have to do the opposite of your instincts.

That’s because anxiety is paradoxical.  The more you try to defend yourself, the more frightened you become.

The more the miser tries to protect himself from being poor, the more he worries about being poor.  The more nonassertive you are, the more you fear other people.  Your efforts to protect yourself make you more vulnerable.”

- Gary Emery, Anxiety Disorders and Phobias: A Cognitive Perspective