I am now taking a LIMITED number of one-on-one clients in New York City starting in January.

I’m looking to personally mentor five guys, one-on-one.  It’s going to be intense.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get your ass kicked.

But one thing will be certain: afterward you will be able to approach any woman in New York City without hesitation.

This will change your life.

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This is the worst feeling ever, I think to myself.

I was feeling great yesterday, and the day before.

But today, I just don’t feel like opening my mouth.

I just got back from a few days vacation with my family. I was social with them, but didn’t interact with anyone else.

I noticed more overall anxiety when I got back last night.

I walk out the front door of my apartment building and bundle up for the cold weather. I think about the possibility of talking to women today and it’s so remote.

I have the momentum of a steam engine–that’s in park.

I round the corner to the subway station. Head up the stairs to the platform.

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When you were a kid, if every morning your mother told you,

“Look at you. You’re such a loser. You’re an unattractive slob. Nobody likes you.”

How would that change your life?

What if instead, your mother told you every day in a loving tone of voice,

“Look at you. You are so smart and handsome.  Everyone likes you.”

You would start to believe what you heard, even if you chose not to.

We human beings are highly social creatures. So much of what goes on in our minds is a construct of what we believe other people think of us.

If someone tells you something day in day out, inevitably it will start to sink in.  You will feel differently about yourself, regardless of the reality of the situation.

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It was 1968. Jane Elliot, a third-grade teacher, asked her students if they’d like to participate in an experiment.

The experiment, she told them, would allow them to understand how it felt to experience racism.

The students agreed.

She then separated the students from one another by an arbitrary but unchangeable attribute—their eye color–and assigned that attribute a social value.

On that day, a Friday, she decided to make the brown-eyed children superior first, giving them extra privileges like second helpings at lunch, access to the new jungle gym and five minutes extra at recess. She would not allow blue-eyed and brown-eyed children to drink from the same water fountain. She would offer them praise for being hard-working and intelligent. Read the rest of this entry »

Eye Contact.  It is a topic for which there is a staggering amount of confusing advice.  And for good reason.

Someone can teach you how to physically walk up to a woman, what to verbally say in a conversation and even, to a certain extent, how to touch her.

But it is very difficult to teach guys how to do things with their eyes.  I’m good friends with one of the best guys in the world when it comes to women, Cory Skyy.  He does most of his pickup with eye contact alone.

But very little of what he teaches is the actual mechanics of eye contact.  It’s too complicated and relies so heavily on inner game, which he does teach.

Eye contact is closely related to approach anxiety in that for shy guys, it comes down to one thing: conflict avoidance.

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“The nature of improv comedy,” Kelvin tells me, “is that you react to what’s happening.”

“A lot of times when people see a comedy improv group do something, they say, ‘Wow! You guys must think really fast!’ ”

“And the truth is, no, we’re not thinking at all. We’re just reacting.”

Kelvin was one of the most introverted guys out there before he got into improv comedy. He had so much social anxiety he couldn’t walk into a McDonalds and order a Cheeseburger.

Learning improv comedy helped him to become more spontaneous, to think less and to act more.

We all want to be spontaneous. We want to be fun, creative and witty as well. But social anxiety will kill that spontaneity. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m in a conversation with her. I had so much approach anxiety I didn’t think you could do it.  But I did.

And now I’m talking to her.  And I start to think…

I made it this far.  But what next? 

This girl is amazingly cute. 

And I have a shot with her.

But I don’t know where this is going!

What do I do next?!

Part of me wants to run away, to take her phone number and pick this up some other time when I can think about this more.

More thoughts start to flood my mind.  I start to feel out of control.  I’m a deer in headlights.

I’m getting more and more inhibited as the moments pass.  Words aren’t flowing out of me.  I’m caught up in a torrent of thoughts.

And then I notice it. Read the rest of this entry »

You want this pretty bad.

I don’t have to tell you why you want to do this.

I don’t have to talk about how it feels to bring an amazing woman into your life.

From walking up to her, to giving her a kiss goodbye in the morning, to knowing she can’t wait to see you again–and you can’t wait to see her.

I don’t have to tell you that part. You know that part. You see beautiful women every day.

But sometimes the road ahead can seem so long. And the alternatives so easy.

You come home and you’d rather turn on the TV than go out and meet women. It’s much more comfortable. Read the rest of this entry »

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Karen’s so good at this, I thought to myself. I hate schmoozing.

I was in an electronic music project a few years ago and worked with a vocalist. She was an amazing singer, and really good with people.

Somehow she always managed to make great connections with people in the music business.

She’d get us into parties. And she was really good at talking to people.

I hated it. I hated the process of meeting new people and making small talk about nothing in particular.

“Can you believe this weather?”

“What are you drinking?”

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